Posts

Does God really care?

I've posted some feelings and thoughts on how I feel about God on my personal Facebook page.  Since that post I've been lectured, preached at and "prayed" for.  I was going to post this next thing on my page but honestly, that would be foolish of me.  Why?  Because I know I would be drug through a knot hole backwards, beaten, tarred and feathered.  I feel as if my thoughts and feelings are invalid and wrong.  Being fake and pretend is what everyone wishes to know of who I am.  So...I'll post my feelings here.  I won't get lambasted for them. 

I have a feeling I have angered quite a few of you based upon how I feel towards God. I respect that and won't argue your views and thoughts. I do want to say something though. My views are not willy nilly. They are based upon a lifetime of having doors shut in my face, loved ones removed from my life (not of my doing), losing 2 marriages. I put on FB things that are just lovely, showing a "wonderful" l…

Grandma

I never ever ever ever want to be a grandma.  There are so many of my friends becoming grandparents and all I can think is "Please...not me"  I do hope that my kids will become parents.  If that is what they desire.  However, I want no part of being a grandma to a child.  I screwed up beyond imagination as a mother.  Under no circumstances do I want to subject another child to how shitty of a parent I was.  No child deserves that.

Inner voice knows all...

Sometimes you just have a gut feeling something isn't right.  I had that feeling but ignored it for awhile.  That feeling just kept getting stronger and stronger until I absolutely had to listen.  I kept thinking and feeling someone was on my page to spy on me and then gossip about me.  I would get messages when this person would read something that I had posted which wasn't a positive situation within my family.  Wanting details.  I didn't give the details about anything.  I didn't feel that this person was looking out for my best interest.  I finally listened to my inner voice and I deleted this person from my page.  I had to.  I felt that I had to censor all of what I was posting and that's wrong.  I shouldn't have to hide anything.  My life is my life whether people agree with it or not.

I thought that this person would eventually email me asking why.  Nothing.  No email.  That told me everything I needed. They were on my page to use my life to gossip to th…

Words change

He said I was fat
I lost weight

He said I was too thin I gained weight
He said I didn't take care of myself I did my hair and makeup
He said I wasn't attractive I wondered what was wrong with me
He said he had to fantasize about other women I started to hate sex
He said I needed to move on I finally gave up on me
His words own me...

They say...

If you have been friends with someone for 7 years that friendship will last a lifetime.  Sorry but I call crap on that.  In no way does time mean someone won't turn on you and stab you in the back or throw you under the bus in order to save their own butt.  I'm amazed at just how two faced a person can be when they tell you they want to see you happy and just how much they love you.  How in the .blazes can someone do that and feel okay within themselves?  How do they sleep at night knowing full well they spew nothing but lies?

I repaired a friendship back in 2005 with a woman I ended the friendship with in 1989.  I ended it the first time based upon her selfishness and leaving me high and dry in our apartment.  No money to pay rent or bills.  I was forced to move back home with my parents  I did not speak to her again for 16 years.  She had sent me a letter some where within those 16 years but I did not respond.  She made her choice and she had to live with it.  How I wish tha…

The joys of age and low tolerance for bullshit

This blog has become more of a way for me to vent, rage and then release.  I think that is okay.  Put it out in the blogosphere and if anyone reads it...oh well.  I'm not here for entertainment purposes.  I've been blogging for 10 years.  Although I haven't blogged in almost a year.  Guess life hasn't been too "dramatic" in that year.  That is a good thing.  So that must lead anyone who is reading this to think "Had a bit of drama lately huh?".  Yes...you could say that.    I am finding that the older I get the less I am able to put up with bullshit.  I have very little patience for stupidity or just lack of consideration.  Ended yet another friendship this week.  Not a long term friendship so it really didn't hurt me.  For me, the friendship was going downhill and had been for awhile.  It was one of those constant whining about how people are treating her but not making the changes to stop the treatment.  It was one of those things where she wa…

Fake friends

Last night was one of those nights where everything seemed to implode on me.  Well...not everything but I did see a side to someone that I never wanted to see.  Granted...I've seen it directed towards others so it shouldn't surprise me when she directed it towards me.

I found out a couple of months ago that someone whom I thought was a good friend, was talking trash about me.  Can you say "Why don't you stab me in the heart with a knife and twist it okay?".  WOW!!!  I knew she was two faced and backstabber but I'm not sure why I didn't expect it to fly in my direction.  I kept the information to myself as a long planned trip was coming up and I did not want to be out the money I paid for her flight.  Had I said something before the trip I know full well she would have never paid me back.  So, I kept my mouth shut.  Kept it shut until yesterday.  I called her out on her backstabbing and how hurt I was.  I was nice in the email.  It could have very easily go…