Friday, December 29, 2006

Do not get mad at me!!!

Nothing will drive me nuts faster than people who cannot speak English getting mad at me because they can't understand what I'm trying to tell them. I work in the insurance industry. A good portion of our clients do not speak English or at least can't speak it very well. Insurance is confusing enough without adding a language barrier. Today a couple came in speaking little to no English and I didn't understand what they were wanting. I did the best I could and then told them they needed to come in and speak to our afternoon assistant. They were ticked at me and if I didn't value my job I would have gone off. I'm fed up with this crap!!! I know...I can't do much about it but it's just annoying as hell to get dirty looks because I can't speak Spanish. No matter where you go....this happens. It's getting out of hand and I just wonder when people are going to say "Enough is enough!!!" and something that is equivalent to the Civil war breaks out. I know I'm not the only one sick of it...

Ok...I'm done venting now.

Friday, December 15, 2006 is the plan...

I need to get rid of the muffin top and attempt to get a butt. Mindy sent me some suggestions on exercises too achieve those goals. Once the holidays are past...I will measure myself and put my plan into action. The hard part for me is the eating right. My diet sucks. It's not that I eat a lot of food. I just don't eat at all. I'm sitting here trying to think of when I eat and I can't come up with any specific meal. It varies. No...I don't eat 3 meals a day. I know...bad Tracey. If I were to eat 3 small meals a day AND exercise...I would be in better shape than I am in. I work just down the hall from Curves and if I could afford it...I would be there every other day. I know that exercising would put me in an amazing frame of mind...not that I'm cranky all the time but I remember that when I did exercise...I had more energy.

Ok...I have my I need the motivation. What can I use to movitate myself to get off of my flat butt (which is part of the plan to change) and make the changes I need?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

No more muffins!!!

I am in a wedding come October 2007. I am the maid of honor. I am to wear a beautiful blue dress. I have yet to find that dress. All of the dresses I see...STRAPLESS!!! Hello...I'm old. I do not show my shoulders at all and look sexy at the same time. I need to find a sexy yet cover my flaws kind of dress. I also have muffin top has got to go. You know what muffin tops are....that little bit of flabby that pokes over your waist band. I hate my muffin top. It so totally needs to go away. I would also be quite happy with getting rid of my hips. I have a decent figure....from the neck to just above my waist. My legs aren't too bad either. It's that abdominal area and my lack of hiney that drives me nuts.

So here is my question...what type of exercises can I do....low impact...that will whittle down my hips and make the muffin top go away? I need to look good for this wedding. I won't outshine the bride but a close second will do. :)

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


Wow...change to beta and everything gets fouled up. Ah well...I guess it was time to move past the Phantom. least for awhile. ;) Pink IS my favorite color so this one will have to do for now. I really need to get back to this blog. I think I left it because someone was reading it and I didn't want her knowing much about my life. But...I do have a blog on myspace so if she wanted to read about me...she could find me there.

So...I'm coming back to my REAL blog. I'll still post on myspace but I'm still partial to this one. It's just me...:)

Tiggers are tiggeriffic...:)

I want to thank Tigger for introducing me to the dailyOM. I absolutely love the emails I get everyday from them. Most have some bearing on my life and how to view things around me. My life was so fouled up and fouled up for a very long time. After purging a lot of things out of my life...namely friends who were toxic to my mental health and well being...things are amazing now. I've found that I do not "need" to allow people to treat my like crap...just so I could have friends. I did that with a few people and I was miserable. I completely short changed myself in so many areas of my life. Men and friends being the main ones.

I'm not saying my life is perfect now. Gosh no. Far from it. What I can say is that I've found my boundries and I know when to put my foot down and say "I will not tolerate the way you are treating me". Some people from my past have not been too pleased with my new outlook and how I will accept treatment from others and they want nothing to do with me. The friends who are still around are very proud of me and see major changes in who I am.

Here is an example of how I have changed...:
Saturday I got an email from a guy who has been emailing me off and on for a month. I agreed to meet him for a drink at Black Angus. I got there before him so I ordered an iced tea (not alcohol) and waited for him. He showed up and within 2 minutes of him sitting down he started chewing me out for not returning calls or emails. I told him that I've been busy and I was sorry. He said "Sorry is a cop out!!! I want a reason why!!!" His voice was not lowered if you know what I mean. I told him that I don't have a reason why. Just life and I know it was rude and I was sorry. He still wouldn't accept that. He said that he had written me an email Friday night chewing me out and he was pissed. I told him that he should have sent it since Friday sucked for me anyway. He kept on with telling me he wouldn't accept sorry from me and was demanding a reason why. During his tirade he stopped and said "Fine...I won't say anymore because you aren't talking!" I said "I'm listening..." He told me I could then respond and what was I thinking. I said "I'm thinking I want to get up and leave". He said that he was sure I was and would I like to order some appetizers now. WTH??? HUH??? After taking a sip off of my iced tea...I said "I'm not staying...I'm leaving." I grabbed my coat and purse and walked out. I didn't even put my coat on and it was damn cold outside. I just wanted out of there. All of this happened within 10 minutes of him getting there.

Pretty impressive huh? A year ago I would have suffered through the date and put up with his crap. I was very proud of myself. Granted...I was pissed for wasting my time but at least I got up and walked out. I should have waited and ordered an expensive drink AND food....then walked out. The dumbass...

So there ya have it...the exciting world of Tracey. LOL

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Yada yada has been so completely boring that there isn't a whole lot to blog about anymore. I have no drama...well none that warrants talking about. It's just been life without any excitement. I guess that's why I haven't blogged. LOL I'm bored with it so why bore everyone else with it?

It's cold. Not just cold but fricking cold!!! I don't do winter very well. I like the clothes we can wear in the winter but I just don't take too kindly to freezing my already flat hiney off. It's been somewhere around...oh.....3 degrees. WOW!!! Isn't that just toasty? Today they are saying it's supposed to get up to 38. I'm not holding my breath. I just don't see that happening. At all.

Poor Kyla is home today with a cold. I hate it when my babies are sick. Sunday I faced the food poisoning monster. I had a Krispy Kreme and apparently it was not a good one. Never have I had that much pain and I've had children!!! I have no desire to have a KK for awhile. LOL But...something very nice happened while I was feeling icky. I met a new man and he was a sweetie and brought me some 7-up to settle my tummy. Drove out of his way just to do that. How cool is that? There are gentleman out there!!! Wheeee!!!! After a lifetime of schmucks...I found a good one. Not saying it's a permanent thing though. If it works out...great. If not...I still found someone good and that will give me hope. Hope is a good thing. :)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

LOVE starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR.
I don't think I want the tear part again.
DON'T cry over anyonewho won't cry over you.
How I wish I had figured that one out sooner. LOL
Good FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. I
mpossible if they were indeed friends. Easy if they weren't.
You can only go as far as you push.
I pushed to where I never pushed before and I was a bitch to him. Poor thing...LOL Get over it.
ACTIONS speak louder than words.
Amen to that!!!
The HARDEST thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else. Not sure I've ever really been in love. How sad...
DON'T let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
I'm actually letting go of the past and moving on. :) I'm so proud of myself.
LIFE'S SHORT. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
I missed the last 2 years. :( Time to look around again.
A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE.
I'm sooo lucky!!!
Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it.
BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.
When it HURTS to look back, and you're SCARED to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.
And she has ALWAYS been there. :)
Which tells me that Kim, Ronna and Darren were never truly friends now were they?
Friends are FOREVER.
Read Sabrina, Robert, Sherri and many others who are still around. :)
Good friends are like STARS. You don't always see them, but you know they are ALWAYS THERE.
This is soooo true for me.
DON'T frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
I smile a lot!!! LOL
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
No crying here. :)
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Isn't that the freaking truth???
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
I'm ok now. :)
Most people walk in and out of your life, but only FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.
The list is long and there are A LOT of footprints on my heart. :)

Friday, November 10, 2006

Here are the lyrics to the video....very pretty.

"Dark Waltz"
We are the lucky ones
We shine like a thousand suns
When all of the colour runs together
I'll keep you company
In one glorious harmony
Waltzing with destiny forever
Dance me into the night
Underneath the full moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light
Time dancers whirling past
I gaze through the looking glass
And feel just beyond my grasp is heaven
Sacred geometry
Where movement is poetry
Visions of you and me forever
Dance me into the night
Underneath the full moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light
Dance me into the night
Underneath the full moon shining so bright
Let the dark waltz begin
Oh let me wheel - let me spin
Let it take me again
Turning me into the light
I'm bored. I have had this template for almost a year now and I'm wanting to do something different with it. Any suggestions??? Ok...I did add a new video. I guess Addicted can go away for awhile. I actually like this new song. Very relaxing and pretty. Can be very romantic too. I love this type of music so it's very appropriate for me. Can you believe I haven't even watched POTO in months? I know...shocking isn't it? LOL Everytime I want to watch it something else comes up. Maybe this weekend. We are planning on doing nothing all weekend long. Mainly because I'm completely broke. :( Payday is next week...thank God!!!

I haven't been posting because my life has basically been really boring and nothing blogworthy has been going on. Even the day to day stuff is yawn-able. I need to get out more...LOL

Friday, October 27, 2006

It's official. I have "Schmuck Magnet" on my forehead. Paul was one also!!! Good grief. I'm sorry but you do not tell someone you have only seen 3 times that you are in love with them!!! There were other issues but suffice it to say...I ended it. Too many fricking red flags with him.
Why do I date? Why do I put myself through this crap? Isn't there a decent man out there? A man who isn't addicted to online porn, who isn't abusive, who isn't controlling??? A normal man. That is all I ask. My dating history is littered with freaks, geeks and....well freaks. Good grief....I hate dating.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Well things just get better and better. I called my mom last night and the conversation was pretty much about Paul. I know...shocking huh? Yeah right. LOL I gave her the basics about him and she was impressed. We got onto the subject of past boyfriends....Darren in general. My parents had no use for Darren whatsoever. Mom told me that when Darren started alienating me from my family she knew that I was being abused. Not in the physical sense but emotional and mental. She said that he had such control over me and when that happened she wanted nothing to do with him and she began a prayer chain for the relationship to end. Well...the prayer chain worked. We broke up within a month of the chain starting. Ah...the power of prayer.
During our conversation the subject of Christmas came up. She said that I should talk to Paul and all of us come down there for Christmas. WOW!!! Did that shock the heck out of me. Not something I expected from my mom. Especially after everything I have gone through. Mom knows how tightly I shut down after Darren. There must have been something in my voice or there was something I said that hinted to her that Paul is a good man. Well...he is. :)
I told Paul what my mom said and his response was "GREAT!!! Let's pack up the girls and head on down there!". Again...WOW!!! I know it sounds like we are rushing things. We aren't. We are taking things slow and getting to know one another. We are just making some plans and if my parents approve then it's all going to be great and there is nothing left to do but continue writing the amazing story of Tracey and Paul. :)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Whee!!!! It worked...:)

Monday, October 16, 2006

Well the previous date I mentioned fell through. I wasn't too heartbroken about it. Just something about him made me uncomfortable. BUT....I did meet someone new. His name is Paul and he is just amazing. *sigh* Yes my dear friends I am dating someone. *collective gasp heard from everyone* :) It was a great weekend and here are the highlights...
Friday the girls and I left Yak-hell around 3:00 and got to Wenatchee around 5'ish. Sherri's (a new friend who wanted to date idiot boy...Darren but he thought she was too young and we ended up becoming great friends) mom was at her place so we chatted, had some dinner and then Sherri and I got ready to go out for a few hours. We both looked pretty darned hot for mama's. LOL We went to the Red Robin for dinner and that is where Sherri had a Peach Daquiri which equals Rum. After that we headed to The Buzz Inn over in East Wenatchee and she had a Seabreeze which equals Vodka. She was ok until she had a Watermelon Margarita which would equal Tequila. By the 3rd sip from that drink...Sherri was telling me things that had me laughing so hard my tummy hurt. So we have come to the conclusion that rum, vodka and tequila makes a truth serum for her. LOL We got back to her apartment before midnight and that was plenty late for us. She pretty much passed out when we got there.
Saturday was by far the best day I have had in a very long time. We got up and ready to head to the park and take some pictures (see my new pictures that are posted). Paul met us at Riverfront Park and we walked from there to Walla Walla Point Park. For those of you who don't know Wenatchee....THAT IS A HECK OF A LONG WALK!!! We had so much fun talking, goofing off and just enjoying the beautiful fall day. It was in the low to mid 70's yesterday so it was gorgeous!!! After walking to Walla Walla Point and then back to Riverside we left and went to Dusty's for lunch. I know...surprised ya didn't it? LOL We got it to go though because we had Jeffery with us and I don't think that Dusty's would appreciate us bringing him into the restaurant. Poor little Jeffery. We took our lunch to Memorial Park so Sherri could get more pics there. Lunch was good...well it was Dusty's so of course it was good. :) Company was good and Saturday was just plain good. My girls really liked Paul and Sherri really liked Paul. So much...that Kyla asked him if he will come have Thanksgiving dinner with us. Guess what? He will be joining us for Thanksgiving. Sherri and Dee are also coming to Yaki-hell to have Thanksgiving with us. No lonely Thanksgiving!!! Wheeee!!!!
Paul left us early to head back to Yaki-hell and get some stuff taken care of down here. He commutes from Wenatchee to Yakima but will be getting an apartment in Wenatchee within the next 2 weeks. He loves it up there as much as I do. He will be buying a house sometime in the next year so looks like I'll be spending time in Wenatchee. I am not complaining at all. LOL
We took a few pictures at Memorial Park and headed back to Sherri's. Dee wasn't feeling too great so it was an early day for them. The girls and I headed to Goodwill and I found Kyla's halloween costume. A poodle skirt, white shirt, a scarf to tie around her neck and a lettermans sweater with the letter and everything. Found a really cute puppy carrier for Jeffery and a few other odds and ends. Did really well at Goodwill but I always do well at Goodwill. Today we were going to go back to Walla Walla Point and take more pictures but sadly the clouds had come in and it was windy and raining. Sherri got some shots of Kyla playing with Jeffery but I couldn't stand the wind and rain anymore so we came home. Paul had given us some gift certificates to Papa John's (he got them through his job and no he doesn't work for Papa John's. LOL) and I stopped to get a pizza. I forgot how much I liked Papa John's pizza!!! Yummmmy!!!!!!!!
My weekend went very very well. I spent it with my kids, my dear friend Sherri and the man I'm excited to spend more time with. Now to make the menu and plans for Thanksgiving. I will make a full holiday dinner but Jordin has requested fried spam also. LOL Gotta love that kid.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I have a date tomorrow. *gasp* Shocking huh? Believe me...surprised myself with this one. We just started talking this past weekend. I figured that I don't want to waste his time and mine with lots of emails and phone calls. Just meet and if we hit it off...great. If harm done. This dating stuff sucks. Hopefully this will be the last man I have a "first" date with for a long time. So far all is going well. He is good looking, 6'3", teddy bear type (doesn't mean he is fat but just a big guy...he is 6 foot 3 inches ya know!!!), 2 kids (boy and girl), country boy, same interests as me and he thinks I'm hot! LOL That last part is the perfect reason to date him huh? ;) We shall see how it goes. No jumping into anything. One day at a time.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I posted this in my Myspace but felt the need to post it here....LOL Just wanted to share my epiphany. :)

Today was sucky. No elaboration is needed. Just that it sucked.

After an afternoon of getting my new tv stand set up and all of my living room decorations in their proper place...I sat down to watch Phantom. I don't have reception for TV stations so it's movies for me at this moment in time. Anyway...while watching Phantom a thought came into my little head. thought. It was such a glorious little thought. Let me share it with you...

We all know of the 6 degrees of separation. Well...I realized while watching the most amazingly, fantastically, mind blowingly gorgeous man that by the degree way of thinking....we are connected. Let me break it down for you...

Lisa - my friend who works on the Phantom show at the Venetian in Vegas.

Anthony Crivello - The Phantom for the Vegas show whom Lisa has an accquaintance friendship with.

ALW - Andrew Lloyd Webber, the man who wrote the play "Phantom of the Opera" and whom Anthony knows.

Gerard Butler - Played "The Phantom" in the movie "The Phantom of the Opera" and was cast for the part by ALW. many degrees is that? Why that would be FOUR!!! Four degrees of separation from the most amazingly gorgeous man I have ever laid eyes upon. God has smiled upon me today. I shall sleep well tonight. *giggle*

FYI...watching that man on a 37 inch television is just too wonderfully amazing. *sigh*

Friday, September 15, 2006

I'm sick. Nothing more needs to be said...:(

Monday, September 11, 2006

I am just horrible!!! I've been neglecting my blog...:( Been so busy with other things that I haven't been around like I should be. Where to begin...oh!!! The former friend of mine who lives in the same trailer park...SHE IS MOVING!!!!!!! Can you color me happy as....well just color me mind bogglingly happy. :) I found out through J. Apparently she had to sit next to said former friends daughter on the bus. The daughter told J that they are moving and J got in the car smiling and told me. This completely made my day, week, month...ah made my year!!! :)
It was a great weekend other than my car but we won't get into that. LOL I went to Wenatchee and spent Saturday with a friend and her son. Went to the Chelan County fair, colored my hair so I would no longer look like the freaking zebra another so called "friend" bleached. Don't ask. It was HORRIBLE!!!! Suggestion...if a "friend" wants to foil your hair....DON'T DO IT!!! Oh...and don't let them near your childs head with scissors. Makes for a really really bad situation and one that was the cherry on top of the narcissitic sundae the so called "friend" wallows in everyday. Yes...the friendship ended. Not that it was much of a friendship in my opinion. Thank goodness I only gave her 3 months of my life. Not enough to shed tears over...which I didn't. :)
Things are actually going pretty well in spite of my car. Making plans for the house come tax return time. New flooring, painting the living room and some minor landscaping. My nephew was born last week weighing in at 8lbs 4 oz and 21 inches long. His name is Benjamin Jacob. So....I'M AN AUNT!!!! For the first time might I add. Now to get to California and see him before he graduates from high school.
Speaking of graduating...K has chosen where she wants to go to college. Would you believe....HARVARD!!! Oh good grief. So I have sent off for info on the school and I've checked out their website. There are some really good financial assistance programs for Harvard so you never know. If she gets really good grades and can get some baby just may be going to Harvard once she graduates. Granted...that is in 2012 but in the grand scheme of things that isn't too far away. *sigh* I'm getting old...:( hair looks good. LOL

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

There are times when the internet is a lot of fun. No...not when looking at online porn. That turns my stomach and we all know why. LOL I'm talking about programs that you can use for editing pictures, making video's. Stuff like that.
A friend of mine has a video on her myspace and I decided to try my hand at making one. I have to admit that it turned out rather well. For a first timer that is. I'm not going to post it on here because I have no desire to share my family with people who I either don't know or want nothing to do with. So with that said...if you want to see what I had some fun making...leave me a comment and I'll email it to you. :)

Monday, August 21, 2006

Ok...I have slept (kinda) since the show. I've been home and unpacked my overnight bag and returned to earth. Shall we start with the beginning? Why not...I left Yaki-hell on Friday around 4'ish. Got to Sabrina's around 7'ish. Needed some food that is why it took so long. Once I got to Bean's...went out for more food. Some really really good Mexican food. I had to have a margarita...well duh. The one I ordered was blue!!! Criminey it was good. I had mentioned that Sabrina should get a Chi Chi and that woman's eyes just lit up. LOL When she ordered it the waiter looked at her like she was nuts. It was too funny. She got her drink and it basically put her on her lips...ok at the very least it made her relaxed...LOL She doesn't drink much and apparently they don't have much of a demand for Chi Chi's so it was STRONG!!! I heard zero complaints from her though. LOL
As you all know I love Phantom of the Opera so I was up with the birds Saturday morning. The sun barely had risen over the horizon and I was up. ON A SATURDAY!!! Just wrong on a normal day but this was not going to be any normal Saturday. I was going to see PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!! We were ready about 1/2 an hour before we planned on leaving. Went to Starbucks...mandatory. Obviously I was tired because instead of ordering a Caramel Macciatto I ordered a Caramel Maccachino. HUH? This gave Sabrina a good giggle. I blamed it on no caffiene in my system.
Once we got our muffins and coffee we made our way to Vancouver BC. We did not plan on a long wait at the border heading INTO Canada. This was our mistake. We were at a dead stop 1/2 a mile from customs and there we sat moving at a slug's pace...snails move faster than what we were. How long did it take for us to get into Canada? An HOUR!!! Ok...not an issue...we still have time to get to the theater. Oh wait....WE ARE HUNGRY!!!! Remember...we only had coffee and a muffin for breakfast. This is not a good thing. We got to the theater in time for the show but NOT enough time to put food in my rapidly getting louder growling tummy. Phantom is a 2 1/2 hour show. There is a quickie intermission but the need to pee was greater than the need for food. I thank God I had some Bottle Caps candy in my purse.
I can't even begin to describe the show. Amazing, fantastic, unbelievable, wonderful are all words that can't even justify what we saw. I was blown away with the whole experience. Now if only the woman behind me wouldn't have crawled out of her skin everytime there was a loud bang from a gun, the chandelier falling or the would have been perfect. Poor Sabrina was the recipient of someone who apparently had chili before the show. She was grateful for the A/C moving the air.
We got out of the show close to 5:00 and I can honestly tell you that I would have eaten a cardboard box at that point. Don't get me started on getting out of Vancouver BC. IT SUCKED!!! One ways, no left turn between sunrise and sunset and on days that ended in "Y". Drove in a fricking circle and ended up back at the theater where we started!!! Finally we saw where we needed to go and headed out of this maze of madness. Did you know that finding a fast food restaurant is next to impossible when you are starving in Vancouver BC? Didja??? Well seeing how Sabrina and I are usually on the same plane of thinking...we headed towards where the hotels were. There had to be food somewhere near there. There was. *whew* We had a fanstastic hamburger and fries at this little cafe in one of the hotels. Fricking expensive but I was willing to pay a payroll check for something to eat.
Now that our poor little tummies were happy....we hit the road to head back to the states. Oh good grief...another hour or more at a dead stop. Perfect. NOPE!!! Took us a whopping 5 minutes to get through customs. YIPPPEEEE!!!!We got to Bean's around...well I don't remember when we got back because I was too tired to even think about it. LOL I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I got up Sunday morning and was out of the house by 7am. I didn't even wake up Sabrina. She was so tired and I wanted her to sleep.
After a 2 hour drive home I took the girls to the Farmers Market downtown, went to the $ Tree, came home and did laundry and other various things. Took a whole 15 minute nap somewhere in there. Like that would do any bit of good. I do have one complaint about the weekend. I had to rent a car because the tranny is going out on my car. Well...the car I had was a smoking car. Meaning....PEOPLE SMOKED IN THE THING!!! If there is one thing I CANNOT STAND IT'S CIGARETTES!!! Sorry Nell I love ya but the smell just drives me batty. Can you say that my allergies are all fouled up today? Yep...does not make me a happy person.
All in all...the weekend was fabulous and I would do it again in a heartbeat but the next show to see....VEGAS BABY!!!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Today is the day. :) Phantom. We are leaving here around 9:00 so that should get us in Vancouver around noon. Lets hope that we don't have issues at the border going into Canada and most of all...coming back into the states. Stupid terrorists...making life difficult because of their own ignorance. Good grief.

I've noticed that someone still reads my blog. I have to question why she does. My life is of no concern to her. She chose to end the friendship...let it go. I'm thankful she did though. She asked Darren out and then asked out another guy I was interested in at one point...might I add that one date with him was enough to end the interest. LOL Why would she do that? Beats me. Low self esteem? Needy? Who knows. All I know is that she reads my blog daily and in my opinion that is doing nothing but leaving wounds open for her. I've let the friendship go. I no longer want to know what is going on in her life. If I could move away from the mobile park I'm in I would. You see...she lives in the same park I do. I shall never understand...then again do I really want to? I would have to
OK...enough of that crap...TIME TO GET READY FOR PHANTOM!!! I'll post pics later this week. :)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Anyone know why I posted the Phantom logo? I'm sure you are just going crazy wondering why. Well you know what...I'm gonna tell you. In less than one week I will be seeing Phantom of the Opera ON STAGE!!! How fricking cool is that??? I'm beyond excited about it. Sabrina bought the tickets back in March so we have great seats for the show. Get to see the chandelier and everything!!! If you know anything about POTO then you will know the significance of that. Sabrina is as excited about it as I am. This is the first trip we have taken by ourselves since we first met almost 10 years ago. It's going to be a great weekend!!!

Some of my classmates from high school are getting together for a bbq next weekend and I will miss it but 2 of my girlfriends will be staying at my house with their kids and my kids so I'm not worried about my girls being bored and jealous of my trip. I'll definately buy the girls something as a souvenier.

This week is not going to go by fast enough. LOL I will most likely drive my boss nuts with playing my POTO soundtrack but he likes me anyway and will put up with it. Did I ever mention that I love my job? :)

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The biopsy came back...


Yes...this pleases me to no end. It has scared me to death though. Figure of speech...LOL I don't want to die. I'm sure there are at least 4 people in this town not counting K's family who would love to see me dead but...just to spite them...I'M STICKING AROUND!!! lol Ok...I'm not sticking around just to irriate them. I could careless about them to be honest with you. I'm sticking around for the people who love me. I'm sticking around for 2 beautiful little girls who love me more than anyone ever could.

My life is continuing. At least for the next 6 months I don't need to stress too much. Yes I need to continue with monthly BSE's and with this will be ritual. At least I won't have to be checked again until after Christmas. Life is good right now...very very good. :)

Monday, August 07, 2006

Well it was an exhausting but fun weekend. Went to Sabrina's daughters wedding....see how gorgeous Sabrina and I are?

Ok...Sabrina is gorgeous. I can pass as ok. :) It was a beautiful wedding and Sabrina did an amazing job with everything.
After the wedding I drove north to a friends house in Everett. For those who don't know where Everett's 30 miles north of Seattle. The wedding was in Tacoma which is a million miles south of Seattle. wasn't a million but the drive felt like it so work with me here. Margaret and I had a nice visit in between kids running around. We went blueberry picking, buying me some flip flops because I was braindead and forgot my casual shoes here in Yakima. Lime green kitten heels just don't go with denim shorts and a pink t-shirt. Spent some time visiing with Margarets family and then headed home. 2 and 1/2 hours later I'm back in hell...literally. It was 20 degrees hotter here than it was in Everett. How is that for a shock to your system?
Today was Monday and we all know how I feel about those. Actually today wasn't too bad. I was just tired. Got an email from someone I hadn't heard from in awhile so that was a bonus. The rest of the Nothing exciting to report. Kyla is with her father for 2 weeks so it's lonely around here. School starts on the 24th so....yea!!! Summer is almost over!!!! Thank goodness. :) Still need to call the school and see what's what in J's classroom this year. gets back to normal.

Monday, July 31, 2006

And the waiting game continues. Went to the doc on Friday. He did a biopsy and I won't know anything until this week or sometime next week. This my dear friends....SUCKS!!!
Now to really foul up my Friday. Guess who my doctor looked like? Yep...Darren!!! Can you say I just about fell through the freaking floor when he walked in??? Good grief...that man is going to haunt me until the day I die. Only good thing about the whole situation...the doctor touched my boobs more than D ever did. LOL Of course it was all clinical so there wasn't any excitement involved. *sigh* Basically the same as what the last 15 months of my relationship was...I'm used to it. :D I sit waiting with a bruise on my boobie. It's going away though...:) I know...TMI right? Well as my friend Joey says...there is no such thing as TMI among friends. ;)

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Frick frick frickity frick!!! I got a call from my gyno's nurse yesterday. Seems that he wants me to go see a general surgeon. Oh joy...oh rapture!!! Not really. The last freaking time I was referred to a general surgeon I had surgery the same day!!! I'm doing everything I can to keep my mind occupied with something other than this stupid lump in my left boob!!! Do you know that you become increasingly aware of your boobs when there is something wrong with them? Huh? Did ya???
I went shopping last we all know that is a great way to get your mind off of ugly things. Well it just made things worse. I wanted to get a suntea jug. The kind that have the little spigot in them. Do you think I found one? NO!!! Only good thing about last night was I bought a new summery-springy kind of suit for a wedding I'm going to in a couple of weeks and a new skirt which may end up taking the place of the summery-springy suit. I must admit I did quite well with my purchases. The suit was regularly $50 and I got it for $4. The skirt was regular $17.00 and I got that for $4 also. All brand new stuff. Not thrift store bargains.
Sadly...none of the shopping helped my mood. This must really be bugging me. Shopping always helps my mood. Ah well...the appointment is the day after tomorrow. I can't stress too much until I know for sure what they are going to do....but a "general surgeon consult" certainly doesn't sound nice!!!

Monday, July 24, 2006

Well I did something today I've never done before in my life. I went to see a movie by myself. I actually didn't mind it. Small popcorn and a small soda and I was set. I really liked the movie too. :) was a chick flick. Would anyone expect anything less from me? LOL I went to see "The Lake House". Some people may not like it but I really did enjoy it. I like Sandra Bullock so of course I liked it. Keanu wasn't too bad either. Can you say "YUMMY!!!"? Good gracious that man is gorgeous. He isn't Gerard but still...*sigh*
I did something crazy after the movie. Wanna know? I cut 7 inches off of my hair. I can hear Nell sucking in her breath. LOL It looks great!!! The girl who cut it did an amazing job. I'm very picky about my hair and for me to be happy with a cut is a feat in and of itself.
All in was a good day. I was still recovering from the beginnings of heat stroke from yesterday but I had a decent day. Work was uneventful and for a Monday....YIPPEEEE!!!! My only wish...IT NEEDS TO COOL DOWN!!!!!! I seriously hate summer...

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Courtesy of Danelle...

Go to wikipedia and type your birthday in the search box (not the year). Find 1 significant death, 2 significant births, an interesting event or two, and a holiday. Just like Nell...there were some very slllliiiiimmmmm pickin's.

April 1

Marvin Gaye ~ died 1984

Gordon Jump ~ born 1926
Debbie Reynolds ~ born 1926

Daylight savings time introduced in USSR ~ 1991
*why would oppressed people want an extra hour of daylight???

George W. Bush signs the Unborn Victims of Violence act which makes an attack that leads to the death of a mother and her unborn child two criminal charges ~ 2004
*does the name Scott Peterson ring a bell?

International day of the Birds ~ Holiday
*I wanted to go with something other than the obvious but a day for birds???
The mind boggles at kids today. The lack of respect for others just blows my mind. Today I was pulling into the park where I live and there were kids in the middle of the road. All of them got out of the way but there was a child in a wagon who gave me an ugly look and stuck her tongue out at me. HUH??? What the frick was the point in that? Then I remembered who the child was. Good grief...nothing will ever change will it?
Today was hotter than hades and tomorrow is supposed to be even hotter. I'm sorry but when it gets into the triple digits....DO NOT TELL US HOW FRICKING HOT IT IS!!!! We already know it's hot. Don't make it worse by playing with our heads. Poor Punkin...K's rabbit...was just dying. I brought her inside and let her stay in the house in my bedroom...which is the coolest room in the house. Poor thing. Nothing like wearing a fur coat in 107 degree weather. Her poor little ears were just burning. I'll do the same thing for her tomorrow. I am taking the girls to summer camp so the bunny will need to be cool.

I did some school shopping today. I's only July but when you find great looking clothes at a very reasonable buy them. I went to my favorite thrift store "The Lighthouse" and one of the women who works there told me about some kids clothes she just put out. She even stopped what she was doing and took me to where she hung them. Did I get some great outfits!!!! K got 2 and J got 3. For how much you ask? I shall tell you...$10.00 for all of it. Thank you...thank you...I know...I'm that good. :) When you are a single mom of two daughters you need to save wherever you can. I need to get a couple more pairs of jeans for each girl and then the basics. After that....I'M DONE!!! Love getting it out of the way.

Tomorrow is the beginning of me being kidless for the second time this summer. It's going to be too fricking hot to do anything. I will be having lunch with a friend tomorrow so that is a good thing. To be perfectly honest...I want K home!!! I miss her so much I can't stand it. It's like a part of me is missing and I need it to feel whole again. Yes....I am very dependent on my children. Not quite sure how to get past that. I will need to though. They are going to grow up and have lives of their own. They won't want mama hanging around. LOL There is someone who has been emailing me for close to a year now and there is the possiblity of something there. We shall see. I'm not jumping into anything. One day at a time with no expectations. :)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

It has been a good day. Surprising since I had both boobs compressed to about an inch thick. I truly feel that every man needs to have this test done. If not on their breast then on their Mr. Winkie. They may have a new found respect for what women go through.

The mammogram...well it sucked. As we all know the lump is in the left breast. Can you say that compressing it brought tears to my eyes? I can honestly say that it hurt like hell. While I was there the radiologist felt that it would behoove me to have the right one checked also. You've compressed one very tender boob into a shape it was never meant to be and now you want to do the other one??? Oh sure...why not? I have nothing better to do. Once all of the miniaturizing and compressing of my boobs was done I was sent to ultrasound. I knew that this wasn't going to hurt since I've had ultrasounds before. WRONG!!!!!!! Pressing on said painful boob again with a little wand thing with warmed up KY Gel again made me cringe and want to shove the little wand thing up someones hiney. She did apologize and being the polite person I am I said "'s ok". After all of this poking and prodding was done I was told the results. They did not see any cancerous tumors in my breast. This makes me very happy. I'm not gonna die!!! Well..not at least anytime soon. Isn't that great news??? I still have the pains though. My left arm and hand go numb. I called and spoke with my dad tonight and he has come to the same conclusion I have. A blocked artery. This my dear friends isn't very comforting. Arteries lead to the heart. *sigh* So...I will be calling to get an appointment set up and see what can be found out. A blocked artery. Just what I need.
K called me about an hour after my appointment asking how I was. When I told her that they didn't see any cancer she was elated. My little girl just loves me. Whenever I am sick she is right there taking care of me. When I had my hysterectomy 3 years ago she couldn't focus in school while I was in surgery and when I got home she was there for me all the time asking if I needed anything and what could she do for me. I am so blessed to have her as my daughter.
After the good news of not seeing the BIG C....I went to the mall and made a beeline for Bath & Body Works. I love their sweet pea fragrance. I needed some shower gel and while walking around I found the facial cleanser I used years ago. It's called Rice. I highly recommend it. Especially if you have combination skin. It's amazing stuff. I did go to Claire's with J and got a couple of things. After the mall it was straight to my favorite fast food place. Dusty's. OMGosh!!! I love their burgers!!! If you are ever in Wenatchee, WA....stop at Dusty's. You won't regret it.
So there you have it...I don't have cancer. Still not sure what is wrong but I do feel better about ruling out the big C.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Still not feeling all that great. My left arm keeps going numb on me. It isn't all the time but it's more often than not. I'm hating this. I just want to feel good again. I hate not knowing. I will know more later this week but it's the waiting that kills me. I have gotten so much support and love the past couple of days that I will never again think that I have not affected anyone's life in a positive way and that no one cares about me. I know I have friends who care but to learn that there are so many out there who truly are concerned about me and love me. It feels good and makes all of the people who don't give a damn about me and are probably hoping I will die from this....not matter in the least.
Sometimes you wonder why God does what He does. If a person is open to the lessons in will see just a glimpse of His thought processes. I seem to have 2x4's upside my head to see them but...I do see them. LOL I never did do things the easy way. :)

Monday, July 17, 2006

Well I made an appointment today. I was hoping I could get it done here in town. Sounds odd huh? Well my gyno is in Wenatchee. After I moved back to helltown I refused to change my doctor. Once you find a good stick with him/her. Wenatchee is only an hour and 45 minutes away so it's not a huge deal for me. After talking to the nurse..who by the way is the BEST nurse I have ever known. Anyway...she said that I will have a mammogram but I will also have to have an ultrasound. She said they are not approaching this as a routine exam but as a symptomatic exam. I did ask her about the pain and is that usually associated with cancer. She said no. That put me at ease a bit. Not completely mind you but it's not forefront in my mind now. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me. It came from nowhere. I was feeling just fine all day Saturday and then WHAM!!! I was knocked for a loop.
I'm having a tough time concentrating which makes work kinda tough. I'm glad that Steven is gone tomorrow. I won't have much to do. I usually don't when he is out of the office. I told him what I'm dealing with and he was very concerned. His wife had found a lump awhile ago and immediately went in to get it checked. He said that it's better to be safe than sorry. I fully agree with him. Have I ever mentioned that I have the best boss ever? I may only work part time and I don't make massive amounts of money...but my work environment and the flexibility I have completely outweighs any other job out there. There are days when I think that I should look for a fulltime, better paying job. Then I think "Am I out of my mind???". I would completely regret it if I did. Nope...I shall stay where I am. :)
This whole situation has caused me to just want to be proactive and have a double mastectomy and not be in fear of breast cancer. I've heard of women who do that because of their family medical history. They have a test where you can be tested to see if your odds are good (or bad depending on how you look at it) for developing breast cancer. I'm seriously considering looking into that. I have 2 young daughters I need to raise. They need me just as much as I need them. Anything I can do to prevent the chance of me dying I will consider. I'm going to wait and see what I find out at my appointment. I will remain positive though. All of my friends are telling me to remain positive and think that everything will be fine. I won't give matter what the outcome. I will fight it. I have gone through too much and have way too much to live for to let something like breast cancer get in my way. Won't happen...not to this little girl. :)

Sunday, July 16, 2006

I haven't posted in ages!!! Life has pretty much been really boring. Well...up until last night. It all started with my feeling weak and out of breath. I was having some chest pain and my left arm was going numb. I slept ok and when I got up the pain wasn't as severe. I took a nap after I got up this morning...I'm just exhaused. When I took a shower I thought I would do my monthly self exam. Mainly to rule out any lumps causing the problem. I couldn't rule out any lumps. I found one. I'm not a happy person right now. I'm going to make an appointment to get a mammogram and see my doctor. I truly don't know what is going on right now. All I know is I'm hurting and there is a lump in my left breast. I hate asking for things for myself but I could really use some prayers right now. I'm trying very hard to not be scared or think bad things. It's difficult to do. My biological mother had breast cancer pre-menopause so that is hanging over my head like a LARGE black storm cloud.
I will post more when I find out what is going on with me.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Never in my life have I been happier than what I was yesterday at noon thirty. My girls finally came home. Picking them up at the airport was easier than I thought it was going to be. I did have a bit of a deterrant though. We got to baggage claim and my precious J said "Mommy...where is teddy?" Teddy being her most prized possession other than the baby blanket I made for her. Oh good grief....she had dropped it somewhere. So...being the wonderful and loving mommy that I am...I went back to the ticket counter, got another pass, went through security (which is not a speedy process) and ran towards the gate where I had picked them up. There is a good samaritian out there somewhere because while I was running towards the gates...and I was RUNNING...I looked up on a ledge just near some stairs and what do I see? TEDDY!!! Thank you God!!! So...I head back down to baggage claim and we head to the car. The rest of the trip was uneventful...thank goodness.
There was one sad part to my afternoon. K had to go to her father's house and will be there for the next 3 weeks. She was none too happy about it either. But...there is something I say to her whenever she is gone for longer than a weekend. I ask her "When I'm not near you...where will I always be?" She replies "In my heart, Mommy". This gets us through the separation. Yes...K and I are very close. We always have been and I don't ever see that changing.
The rest of the afternoon went ok. Went to the church for a picnic sort of thing. J got to play on some of those blowup bouncing toys, we had hotdogs, watermelon, and homemade pie. The downfall of the evening...the stupid cooling fan on my car went belly up. In 100 degree temps...this would not be a good thing. One more doo-dad to get fixed. Ah life...never a dull moment. baby is asleep and even though I don't have my oldest here...all is well within my world. If K was would be perfect. I love my little family. I couldn't ask for more...

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Only 2 1/2 days and my babies will be home. Well...they will be in the same town I am in. Poor K has to go to her fathers for 3 weeks. That is a subject I will leave alone.
I've been so bored these past 2 1/2 weeks. Nothing to really do but sit around and watch the grass grow. I did do the dishes and cleaned up my living room. That is something...right? Criminey I miss my kids. I don't think that they need to leave for that long of a period again. Mom said that the girls are getting fussy. She agrees that it's time for them to come home. I do not know what I would do if I didn't have my kids. I'm not married or dating anyone. I don't have a lot of money to go do things. I need my kids. They are a great source of entertainment. :) I never thought I would ever been a person who would become so attached to a person. I ever attached to K and J. Life is full because of them.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Well yesterday sucked the big frozen banana. It is frozen because it's so blasted hot!!! My little dude is gone. I went into J's room to check on him and he was curled up in a little ball. He looked like he was asleep but he wasn't in his normal sleeping area of the cage. I can tell sucked. I had to call K to let her know. She was very monotone about it. This would be from her being told that crying shows a sign of weakness and you should never cry or you will be made fun of. Being the emotional person I know I was not the one to tell her this.
Anyway...I cleaned the little dude up (he had bedding on his fur and I wanted him to look nice...not dead.), I put him in a little box with some bedding and buried him near our flowers. Yes...I was bawling the whole time. I loved that little guy. He was the best hamster. Never bit..well he did once when a bonehead went to pick him up while he was sleeping...he would sometimes give kisses, he would play in his ball and in general was a great pet. I text Darren to let him know about it. He liked Raisin as much as we did. He emailed me this morning and he felt bad and hoped that the girls were ok. I think the kids were better than I was. It sucked....but there are some pretty flowers and there will be a nice cross where he is. It's nice having people who care. :)

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Wedding gown....who needs a wedding gown? I have a stupid wedding gown hanging in my closet that is taking up space. It's a beautiful gown. Someone would look gorgeous in it. I only know of two weddings coming up. One girl already has her gown. The other...I wouldn't even consider letting her have it. I've tried selling it on Ebay. No luck. Think trying to sell it at a yard sale might work?
Me and my stupid ideas...what made me think I would get married again? Good grief. Not that I'm a bad catch or anything...there are just WAY too many freaks out there. Nope...Tracey is happy just the way she is. :)

Friday, June 23, 2006

I'm making up for slacking the past few weeks. ;) Good heavens but this man is amazing. LOL

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!

Just checking to see if you are paying attention....;)
I was looking through some old email today and came across a couple of emails I received when lovinstitch was still around. I know everyone knows the BS I was dealing with and even though I am really putting myself out there with this and maybe even possibly shouldn't post it...I am going to. I have no secrets and never read and come to your own conclusions.

Well, well, the bitch Tracey is at it again. Wanting to slam Kim in anyway possible. Do all you want Tracey. I think everyone should know about you and your past too. Good God, where should I start, with her herpes, no, maybe with her being raped in the asshole, or about her ex-husband (this is highly private and I will not under any circumstances post it unlike the person who wrote it...I have consideration for others) She goes on dates with men and turns them off in the first five minutes by telling them all about her past and all she has been through. She claims to be a Christian but, she has no clue what that is. No Christian would ever type these slanerous things about someone on the internet. I have one thing to say Tracey.... FUCK YOU BITCH!!!!!!!! Oh wait, there is more, she dates married men! Then gets chummy with their wife when they find out about it. How pathetic is that? You make me fucking sick. Oh by the way, her new blog is, check out the supposed Christian women on that one.

The above quote was written by a man I had considered dating. In all honesty I am still trying to figure out what it is about my past makes me a horrible person and to warrant the above comment.

1.) The STD...doesn't make me a bad person. I just dated the wrong man and will pay for that for the rest of my life.
2.) Getting raped? Well that wasn't quite my fault now was it? Rape is defined as forced, manipulated or coerced sexual intercourse (or other sexual act) against the will of the victim
3.) Telling men about my past in the first 5 minutes? Oh please...I may talk about my past but it's not in the first 5 minutes. Besides...the guy who wrote this did the same thing. Anyway...who in the dating world doesn't discuss their past? Right or wrong...we all do it.
4.) Dating a married man? Well that is interesting since he said he was divorced when I met him and I didn't know about the wife until I did some investigating of my own (which the above mentioned female in the quote said I should do) and found out the truth from the WIFE!!! Hence...I stopped dating him and talking to him!!!

I have no secrets. I see no reason to have them. I have put myself out there and my deepest secrets have been shown. I'm not embarrassed. I'm not humiliated. I'm human. To be perfectly frank...I'm glad I did this post. It was cleansing. It has shown me that despite the things I have done in the past...I'm still a good person. My past doesn't dictate who I will be. I've made some mistakes...some of them pretty bad. Should those mistakes be continually thrown into my face? No. I have let them go. If I am to be healthy and one day possibly be in a healthy relationship...they need to be left in the past. I found a very cool little blurb that actually fits with this post:

You are a tree and your fears are the roots. The more you are afraid and the more you cry over them the more they will grow. And sooner or later, they will have grown so much, that they will control your life. When you have a fear tell a friend and try to over come that fear as soon as possible. If you dont they will be with you forever.

I am not going to allow my fears to control my life. My fears of not fully trusting new friends because of what was done to me by who I thought were good friends. My fears that all men are complete asses and are out to hurt me. Sure I have met nothing but complete asses in the dating area....but not all men can be that way....right?

I'm doing ok. I know I am.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Do you ever just want to withdraw from life for awhile? Right now I just want to curl up on my couch for the next week. No work, no nothing. Just me and my DVD's. I know where all of this is coming from. My kids are gone for starters. I miss them like the dickens and it's driving me crazy. I have 2 weeks to go before they are home again. Well...J will be home. K has to go to her fathers for 3 weeks after she gets back. A visit she really doesn't care to go on.
Another reason for this...I'm out of estrogen. I need to get my script refilled. Does it to me everytime. Today I did absolutely nothing. Well...laundry and watched movies. I just didn't have it in me to face the world today. I took a nap late in the evening so that little mistake will cost me until late tonight.
I've been talking to a few friends and all of them agree that I should consider writing. A couple of them think I should write either short stories or a novel. With how my life has gone...I could write a pretty good fact based fiction novel. :) We will see how it goes. I'll go get an el cheapo journal at the $$ Tree and start writing out some experiences and see where that takes me. My friend, Spencer, said he would help me out. With Laine being a published author...I'm sure I can get her input also.
Who'da thunk it? Me a writer. LOL

Friday, June 16, 2006

100 things you always wanted to know about moi...

1. I was born on April Fools Day
2. I am adopted
3. I met my biological mother when I was 19
4. I haven't seen her since I was 21
5. I have no desire to see her
6. I have a biological sister
7. She is 2 years older than me.
8. I love her very much
9. I miss my sister
10. I haven't seen her for over 10 years.
11. My biological mother isn't sure who my father is
12. It could be one of 2 men.
13. My grade school crush lasted 5 years.
14. His name was David.
15. He was killed during a training flight while he was in the Air Force.
16. A bird flew through the cockpit and killed him.
17. He never knew how I felt about him.
18. I still have a valentine he gave me in grade school.
19. His best friend was my attorney at one time
20. I love Cadillac Margaritas
21. I love Mexican food
22. I sometimes get up at 2am to drink a glass of milk
23. If I have homemade brownies in the house, I'll have those with the milk
24. I love good clean dirt
25. I didn't know about the internet until 1997
26. I am now addicted to the internet
27. I have been married two times
28. I knew walking down the aisle the first time, I was making a mistake
29. I tried to get out of marrying my second husband 3 times.
30. He talked me into marrying him anyway.
31. My first husband and I didn't have kids.
32. I have a daughter from my second husband.
33. I have a daughter from a boyfriend after my first husband.
34. I should have had a child with the first husband instead of the boyfriend after him.
35. I have never done any kind of illegal drugs
36. I see no reason to ever try
37. I'm a closet "Mozart" fan
38. I was on drill team in high school.
39. My uniform still fits.
40. Kinda
41. I love chick flicks
42. Stitch is my favorite character
43. I used to have Stitch on the bumper of my car.
44. I have a bobblehead stitch on my dash.
45. I sleep with a stuffed Stitch
46. I have a Stitch collection
47. I was afraid of rodents
48. I now own a hamster
49. He is getting really old.
50. I used to like cats
51. Until someone stole my best friend.
52. Now I tolerate cats
53. I'm a dog person
54. I want to own a Papillon one day
55. I love diet Coke with Lime
56. I hate Coke
57. I love Pepsi
58. I used to weigh 175 pounds
59. I used to drink 64 ounces of Pepsi a day
60. I switched to water
61. I lost over 30 pounds doing that.
62. I own a bowling ball
63. Used to bowl on a league and don't know why
64. My bowling average has gone from 103 to 105.
65. I'm getting better with my new ball.
66. I had a hysterectomy September 9, 2003
67. I wonder if it was worth it?
68. I love the color pink
69. I never wear pink.
70. I'm going to start making quilts
71. Need to make 4 for Christmas
72. I don't have a sewing machine.
73. I think I need to get one.
74. Our betta fish died after living almost 4 years.7
5. Borderline shopping addict
76. Used to listen to only heavy metal music
77. Now listen to country along with metal
78. I used to have a boyfriend who was a drummer.
79. I have always been attracted to the drummer.
80. Love the convenience store beef and bean burritos with taco sauce
81. I collect snowmen, lighthouses and Prayers and Promises by Demdaco
82. I have a small circle of close friends
83. I could say that it got smaller a year ago.
84. I have one person I can call my best friend
85. Not sure what to put here
86. Robert has been my dearest friend for 20 years.
87. He is the only man who has never hurt me
88. I love dearly
89. I can't click my tounge
90. I was a camp counselor
91. I haven't ridden a horse in 16 years.
92. I love Ducati motorcycles
93. Never ridden one though
94. I've never been overseas.
95. I love reading Jude Deveraux
96. I'm fascinated by 16th century castles.
97. I used to hate Christmas
98. I'm starting to like it again
99. I love to cook
100. I very seldom use measuring utensils when I cook
101. My kitchen is my domain.
102. My kitchen is decorated in grapes.
103. I need to finish painting the wall behind the fridge
104. I make great homestyle food.
105. I want to own a restaurant someday
106. All comfort and homemade foods.
107. Phantom of the Opera is my newest obsession
108. Gerard Butler can eat crackers in my bed anytime
My weekend plans have changed. I was going to head over to Seattle and have lunch with my friend, Laine, but somethings have come up for her and we are having lunch next weekend. BTW...Love you Laine and I'm here if you need to talk. (((((hugs)))))
Now to figure out what I want to do...I'm thinking yard sales. I love yard sales. :) I need to mow the lawn, pull the weeds, water my plants, clean my house, do the laundry, change the cat box, do the dishes, vaccum everywhere, sweep and mop the floors....but....screw it!!! It will be there Sunday. LOL

Monday, June 12, 2006

What a weekend. You can safely say it borderline sucked. I'm glad it's over. My arm was killing me all weekend. One good thing happened though. Well a couple of things. I got some great clothes at the Lighthouse on Saturday. Lighthouse=thrift store.
I went grocery shopping with my mom and the girls yesterday. While perusing the aisles I walked past a man. Not just any man but a quite good looking man. He smiled at me, I smiled at him. This happened various times while perusing the aisles. K decided she wanted a mocha from St*rbucks so I said "sure". This quite good looking man stopped and chatted with me for a bit and then went on his way. At that point I decided to take the bull by the horns and write down my phone number. Being the borderline coward that I am...K took it over to him while he was in the produce section. boldness paid off. He called me last night. :) After my last fiasco with a man you would think I wouldn't even want to do this again. After my last post you would think I wouldn't want to do this. I guess I still believe in Cinderella. I'm such a sap. LOL

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Love, relationships and marriage. It's all a flipping game created just to mess with your heart and mind. Love does not exist. It's just a fantasy to give us delusions of grandeur. Relationships....well don't get me started on those. They are not a 50/50 thing. One party is the giver and one is the taker. Period. Compatibility? Give me a freaking break. People are not compatible. What it comes down to is one of the two in the relationship gives in and becomes who they aren't to make the relationship work. Marriage...well that is just a joke and what is the point? Why spend the thousands of $$$ for a wedding when the damn marriage will end? Save the money and go on vacation. At least you won't have any regrets.
I have a damn wedding gown in my house that I wish to hell I knew what to do with it. I sit back and think..."Why in the hell did I buy all of this crap when the wedding was never going to take place to begin with???" I have the whole freaking wedding outfit!!! Am I ever going to wear it? Nope. Do I ever want to wear it? NO!!!!!!!!!! I want to burn the damn thing but it's too pretty for that. I've tried giving it away and can't find anyone to take it. I will try selling it in a yard sale but I'm sure it will still be around at the end of the day.
Stupid ass wedding gown and veil...a total waste of money and time. Then again so is love, relationships and marriage. What made me think when I bought all of it that it wasn't going to be a waste of time? I really need to get out of fantasyland and forget all of the fairy tales and dreams. They do not live happily ever after. Cinderella still scrubs floors, cleans fireplaces, feeds the animals, cooks the meals and cleans the house. Prince Charming does nothing but go to work and come home wanting his dinner, his house clean and his wife "whore" in bed waiting for him looking every bit as sexy as he wants her to look. In the end...he still runs off with Barbie, Karen, Sue or Candy.
If that is love...I'll pass.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Wondering about my date on Sunday aren'tcha? LOL Well wonder no more. The guy was an ass. Plain and simple. All he talked about was sex or there were sexual innuendo's. After lunch...he wanted to pull off onto a secluded road...we were up in the mountains...and have sex. HELLO!!! I told him no. When he asked why, I explained that I had made a vow to myself to not have sex until I was married or in a serious and committed relationship. His response to that? "Well vows are meant to be broken". I don't think so!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say...I won't be seeing him again. Men....all of them are schmucks. friends aren't but men I date....schmucks.
My parents are going to be here tomorrow evening. This is a good thing. I still have some stuff to finish around the house but all in looks good. I decided that I needed to paint part of my living room on Sunday. Not the brightest thing....LOL One more wall to paint and I'll be done. It's a nice merlot color. Now to buy the soft beige'y sand color for the other walls and hall. I may live in a single wide mobile home but it looks great. :)
Our mama cat when psycho on me yesterday so she has been booted. For some insane reason she thought I was a tree and launched herself onto my right leg. Once I got over that shock I looked over at the couch and she had put her front paws on the couch and was hissing at J. J wasn't even doing anything!!! Just watching TV and eating a snack. Needless to say...the cat was almost a frisbee. No way will I let her back in. The kittens are weaned and eating solid food. I could have dealt with her thinking I was a tree. Something may have startled her...but to go after my baby? Not just no but HELL NO!!! I'll see how she is when I get home from work...stupid cat.

Friday, June 02, 2006

It has been a tough week for me. Even though it was short...still hard. Finding out about the death of my father really sucked. I've been on an emotional roller coaster all week and I'm thankful the week is over. I have finally come to the point where I am no longer in love with Darren and holding onto some hope of him being back in my life. I realized it on Monday night when he canceled getting together Memorial weekend. It's ok though. I truly believe that is what God's will was for the weekend. It was Him saying...ok Tracey...time to let go. Gosh He has been doing that a lot lately. LOL
When Darren called and said he wouldn't be coming by it was like a huge weight was lifted off of my heart. I felt free...a feeling I hadn't felt in years. I know I've said it before but I think I was just saying the things I was so I wouldn't look like a total idiot for still loving him. Deep down, the love was still there and I had no clue how to let it go. Having the blinders taken off took it away and quickly. I don't hate Darren and we will still keep in touch but now I am not afraid to date or explore the possiblities of being in another relationship.
Speaking of relationship...someone is coming to meet me on Sunday. I'm not jumping into anything but so far so good. I'll let ya'll know Sunday night. :)

Thursday, June 01, 2006

I will one day find love again. I finally found my release...even though I've been saying it for the past year and 1/2. It's finally over. My heart finally got it's release this last weekend. I had to see it for myself. I couldn't accept it by friends and family telling me. Everything became crystal clear Monday night. As soon as plans were cancelled...yet was like the light bulb went off and the love I was still holding onto disappeared. I now have hope. Hope of finding the love I deserve. A man who will think the world of me and will only have eyes for me. It's nice to finally be free. Free to move on and pursue things I never thought I could persue again. This is a good thing. :)

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I lost my father today. I still have my dad but the man who was part who I am biologically is gone. A man I will never know. A man whom I have heard nothing but good about from 2 people who loved him. I spoke with his brother today. I have an Uncle Jerry now. He told me a little bit about the man who was my father. He said he was a good man. Someone who was there for everyone but...don't piss him off. Once you betrayed his was gone and regaining it was difficult to do if ever. Very much like me. He had blue eyes...just like me. Brown hair...just like me. Not a big man....I'm on the small side. He had no butt...definately my father. I have no butt either. Totally flat. He was a man who kept his life to himself other than close friends. Very much like me. I'm guessing that he had a temper as mine has a tendency to flare up at wrongs being done to me or my family.
So many questions are running through my head with the information I gained today. What were his last thoughts before he passed away? Did he think about me for 18 years before his death? Did he wish he had gotten to know the daughter he let go? These kind of questions will drive me mad if I keep thinking about them. These are questions I will never have answers to.
I called my sister today. It's amazing how she knows when I'm upset. All I said was "Hi's your sister". First words out of her mouth...."Ok...what's wrong? You don't sound good." We can go months without talking and she will know when I'm hurting or upset. When I told her that Gene had passed away...she was what a good sister should be. Comforting and available no matter what. I love my sister.
I called Donna, my birth mother, after I spoke with Denise. Donna was sorry and pretty much said the same thing Jerry said. Gene was a good man. He drank too much but was still a good man. She had nothing bad to say about him.
I found out that I have a brother. His name is Scott. He is younger than me and that is about all I know. My mission now is to find him. I will be seeing Jerry when I go to California in August. I want to be able to find Scott and see him also.
It is amazing how your world can change and turn upside down in an instant. I woke up this morning with the hopes of one day finding my father. I will go to bed knowing my father passed away before I ever got the chance to look for him and I have more family out there. More than I ever expected. Jerry has 6 kids. None of them know about me so this is going to be say the least.
After life will never be the same.

Friday, May 26, 2006

It is going to be one of those weekends...I can already tell. So for some visual excitement, stimulation and just pure eye candy...

Damn but that man is gorgeous....:)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Can my life just get any weirder? Good grief. Someone walked into my office today whom I have not seen in a very long time. Took me completely by surprise. I'm still in shock. It wasn't a bad thing seeing this person. Just unexpected. I am so ready for the 3 day weekend. LOL

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Don't even ask why....

Will you be there beside me If the world falls apart
And will all of our moments Remain in your heart Will you be there to guide me All the way through, I wonder will you?

Walk by my side, and follow my dreams And bear with my pride, as strong as it seems Will you be there tomorrow?

Will you be there beside me As time goes on by And be there to hold me Whenever I cry Will you be there to guide me All the way through, I wonder will you?

Walk by my side, and follow my dreams...

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I love auctions. Sometimes too much. I've been a good girl lately though. My only purchase was last night. The PBS station here in town has an auction every year and they were winding it up last night. Everything was going for next to nothing. I bought a kitty package for POTO. It was a $90 value and I got it for $16. She will now have her shots, nails clipped, a physical, a carrier and a bag of food. I really like getting bargains like that. Makes things so much easier on me financially. :)
The kids went to J's friends birthday party last night. They had such a good time. I had such a nice peaceful evening. LOL I did call the parents and ask if a certain child was invited to the party. I received a resounding NO!!! I felt better knowing that. Had this child been invited my girls wouldn't have gone.
Speaking of birthday's, tomorrow is J's birthday. :( I cannot believe my baby is going to be 7 years old!!! She isn't a baby anymore. Why do they grow up so fast? Seeing how I had all my innard's removed (I know TMI LOL)....I won't be having anymore. There are days that just saddens me but then I think "AM I INSANE????" I'm almost 40 years old. I do not need to be starting over again. LOL I'm happy with just the 3 of us. Don't need to add anyone else to the mix.
Blasted cottonwoods are in full swing. Do you know what this means? ALLERGIES ARE KICKING MY BUTT!!!! My throat hurts so bad that I can't stand it. I need to move to a place where cottonwoods do not abound. Anyone know of such a place? Please? *sigh*

Monday, May 22, 2006

And now...back to our regularly scheduled program. I've had enough drama and BS to last me the rest of the year and even possibly a lifetime. :) LOL Oh how I've missed this man... :)

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Well it was an interesting say the least. I will spare you the gory details. Lets just say that God works in ways you will never understand but just accept how things come about.
J and I were in a parade yesterday. Got soaked before it started...seeing how it was raining cats and dogs. The rest of the day was good. Went to a block yard sale in Joey's neighborhood. Joey being a new female friend of mine. Actually it was a couple of blocks. Only icky part about it was I saw my ex mother in law. By the Grace of God...she did not see me. Everytime I see that woman she has to belittle me and try to make me feel an inch high like she did when I was married to her son 14 freaking years ago!!! I wanted to avoid that at all costs. I just wasn't in the mood for it. Wow...did that just freak me out or what? It's been 14 years since I married my first husband. June 21, 1992 was the day we got married. Crap!!!! It doesn't seem like it's been that long!!!
Today was very lazy. Watched movies all day. I showered only because I had to go get K from her dad's house. I barely put on makeup and definately didn't do my hair. I saw no point in that. Don't really need to impress anyone out there. LOL
The girls are heading to a birthday party tomorrow for one of the kids here in the park. It will be a nice thing for them and a short break for me. Not that I really need one. Ok...maybe I do. A friend called me last night inviting me to go out dancing. She had a sitter all set and she was paying. Wouldn't you know it...I was flat out exhausted and didn't go. I don't even know what time I fell asleep but when I woke up at midnight I thought it was around 3am...that tells me I was asleep for quite awhile considering I never get to bed before midnight on most nights.
I did get an email from a wonderful friend of mine today. He is going to be in town next Saturday and asked me if I would like to go out for dinner with him. Well duh...of course!!! I haven't seen him in months. We are due for a get together.
Other than some BS that was happening with J's biological sister who, after lying to me for 5 years and saying she would have a relationship with J sometime in the near future...informed me that J is not family to her. Yes as I'm sure you all know without my saying so...I got pissed about that and flat out told her to never contact my daughter and she is dead to all of us...told you it was ugly....I know don't have to tell me. But you know from experience how that kid can piss me off and I can't keep my big mouth shut. LOL :)
I'm due for a new pic of my man...but that will have to wait until tomorrow. :)

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I read something today which defies all logic or at least logic how I know it. I told a few of my friends about what I read and asked them their opinions on it. All of them had the same answer. There is no logic to it at all. I know that my friends will be totally honest with their thoughts and opinions so please tell me your take on this..
"family is someone you see all the time and is someone you are close with..."
I'm unsure what to think of this. If this is true then I have no family at all other than my children. My parents and brother live in CA and I see them maybe twice a year. I have a cousin who also lives in CA whom I see maybe every 4 years. I have another cousin who lives in Oklahoma and I haven't seen her since I was in 8th grade. I even have a sister in Texas whom I haven't seen for 13 years. By the above logic I have no family. If this is how it works I would certainly like to know because for 39 years I've always thought that my mom's sisters in CA were family. How sad I will be to find out that in truth they weren't.
Yes my can call me a smarta$$....;) LOL

Friday, May 19, 2006

What the frick???? I have had the day from hell today and it's not even a flipping Monday!!!!!!!
First I get a phone call telling me that I need brakes all the way around on my car. Well I knew that pretty much. What I didn't know was how much it was going to cost. How about $400 fricking dollars!!!! Needless to say I will not be trading my car in this fall for a different one. I'm going to fix up the one I have and keep it for my older daughter. She will be driving in a little over 4 years. May as well keep it.
Second I got a call from an irate client and I thought I had calmed him down by taking care of the problems. Oh no....he decided to go off just a bit more. Late fees...we all know what those are right? Well he went ballistic about the late fee he had and asked "What the hell is going on???" I told him that the company has been making some changes and that we are now charging a late fee. His comment to that? "Well I'm going to be making some changes of my own down there with a bullet from a 357 Magnum!". Um...hello? Needless to say I was in shock and shaking after I hung up the phone. I did tell my boss and he called the client and spoke with his wife telling him that he needs to act more gentlemanly and that he does not need to go off on his assistant. She fully agreed and understood. Well duh!!!! Threatening to come shoot me...because I took it as he was talking about not kosher thank you very much!!!
I believe tonight would be one of those nights a pineapple juice with coconut rum and POTO is in order. Good grief...

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I just got some really cool and exciting news!!! I'm gonna be in a commercial. How cool is that??? One of our clients works for a television station here in town and she said that when the commercial came up she immediately thought of me. She said I would have a line or two and that I would be so cute in it. LOL I'm 39 years old and still thought of as cute. Is this a good thing? Ok...maybe it is. I'll accept it. I'm all excited about this. The commercial will not only be playing in Yakima...where I live...but in other towns as well. :) How about being in a commercial to show someone that my life has taken a turn for the better??? Go me...go me...go go go me....:) doesn't pay but it will be exposure and getting my voice and face in front of the production guys so who knows...I may end up doing more of these things. Not so much my face...that is too frightening even for me to think of. The voice thing though? Definately. I was going to intern for a radio station when I was in Wenatchee but it didn't pay. When I was offered a full time job that actually paid...well I had to turn down the internship and be a productive member of society. :( Bummed me out. I so totally wanted to be a radio personality aka DJ. I've been asked on more than one occasion to be a DJ but just never did it. I have one of those airport lady voices. LOL
I'm not saying this will lead anywhere but it's going to be a lot of fun. I'll just enjoy the ride. :)

Sunday, May 14, 2006

What a good weekend. Friday evening K's friend came over for dinner and I had made cheese zombies and tomato soup. When her friends sister came to pick both girls up...K was spending the night with her friend because she had a rabbit show on Saturday...I gave the last 4 zombies to her and her friends. I have now pleased teenagers. My life is good. LOL They loved them and said they were way better than the schools....:)
I didn't do much on Saturday. Went to wally world and picked up critter foods...yes I said foods. Rabbit, cat, kitten, hamster. Foods. This morning was a great Mothers Day morning. My girls made crepes and had gifts for me. Most of today was a lazy day. They played while I was on the phone with Joey. Joey would be a girl...don't get excited. LOL I'm making friends here in town and that is a good thing. Even better...they are Christians. Isn't God good? :)
I had to go back to wally world this afternoon...which ticked me off because my brakes are all fouled up on my car and I hate driving it. I picked up more flowers for my front yard. They had the most gorgeous blood red petunias. I had to get them. :) I have a solar powered fiber optic gazing ball that is in the middle of it all. Very pretty...
Joey IM'd me a bit ago and she said her best friend is interested in me. Her best friend being a guy. I'm telling you...Joey and I are so much alike it's scary. Kinda like me and Sabrina. Just freaky. Actually I view it as a God thing. He puts people in our lives that we need and can relate to us. Both Sabrina and Joey are definately in that category. :) Anyway...I'm not jumping on the band wagon of dating again but if someone comes along and it seems a good thing...I won't say no. Besides...he comes with good references. :) As long as he isn't like Mark....we are ahead of the game. LOL

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Holy crap!!!! I just baked 2 1/2 dozen cookies in less than 20 minutes. That is including mixing, rolling and baking. Man...I am good and didn't even know it. ;) If you want the recipe...just let me know and you got it. :) I just shared it with my friend Annette and she was mixing, baking and done while we were chatting online. These are THE perfect cookie for mom's who have young kids and want a nice after school snack for them. You will not believe me until you make them how good they are and how easy. Now I won't have issues with baking cookies anymore. Not when I can make them this easily, quickly and cheaply. :) God bless my boss's wife....:) (She gave me the recipe)
I found something this morning that may be a bit of a problem. My clothes are getting too big. Normally this should not be an issue. I'm happy being at a size 8. Could use some toning but I look good in general. The problem is...I look awful as a size 6 and don't get me started on how horrible I look at a size 4. I was there a year and 1/2 ago and I looked sick. I try to eat. Honest...I do. I'm just finding that eating is not high on my list of things to do. When I do sit down for a meal I don't eat all of it. I will have maybe 1/2 of it and then I'm done. I can sit down and drink my diet P*psi's without problem. It's getting food into me that is the problem. It is 1:00 and I haven't even eaten lunch yet. I'm a tad hungry but the thought of food makes me nauseous. I would love to have a King's Row Special which is a jr. burger, fries and soda. The sheer thought of eating it? Not a good thing. K has even said things to me like " really need to start eating" I look in the mirror and still see the size 10/12 I was. I didn't like seeing me that size. I'm not anorexic. I do eat. I don't throw it up. I just still see "chubby woman" when I look in the mirror. I"m beginning to think that this is not a good thing. How do I fix it though...? Why don't I want to eat? Why do I still see a fat woman looking at me in the mirror? :(

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

If you want to play, the game is…

Make a comment saying so and I give you a letter. You then have to think of 10 words that start with that letter and they must mean something in particular to you and your life.

God bless Nell. She gave me a nice letter. I think...I wracked my brain to find 10 words for me that started with an "S". Well here according to "S":

Sexy - Well I have my moments of being unbelievably sexy. It's been awhile though. LOL

Shopping - Anyone who knows me knows that this word is a given. :)

Sacramento - Yes...I am a true California Girl. Shocking isn't it?

Surgery - How many surgeries can we have in a lifetime? Let me count the ways. Ok...I'll spare you the details. Just know it's more than one.

Steak - I love my grill and the steaks I cook upon it. Medium well thank you very much.

Steven - How weird is this? My brothers name is Steven and his wife's name is Heather. My boss's name is Steven and his wife's name is Heather. Coincidence? I think not. God gave me the job...remember? :)

Sympathetic - Call me a sap..hey!!! another "s" word...but I have sympathy for anyone in pain. I even sent a sympathy card to my first husbands family when his grandmother died a few weeks ago.

Simple - as in living my life not minded. ;)

Shy - I know I know...tough to believe but I do have moments of where I have no clue how to approach someone or talk to them.

Secluded - This word goes along with an "R" word but I don't have the letter "R". I keep to myself a lot and prefer being secluded and alone.

WOO HOO!!! I DID IT!!!! :)