Sunday, April 30, 2006

Woo hoo!!! I'm going to be kidless for at least 3 weeks this summer. Yes...both girls will be gone for 2 weeks the end of June in California with my parents. They will both be at summer camp in July for a week. I honestly do not know what it's like to be sans kids. Last time I was without a child for any length of time was when Darren and I went to Disneyland. That my dear friends was April 2004. Mama is gettin' a vacation. :) I'll be driving to CA to pick them up the end of June so I will have a nice drive ahead of myself with just me and my tune-age. :) I may end up meeting my parents 1/2 way though. That is yet to be determined. As you all know I will be heading to CA the end of August for the birth of my nephew so it's going to be a busy, busy summer. Need to find some time to go camping though. I didn't go at all last year...that sucked. :( We did so much camping with Darren that it feels unnatural to not go anymore. Must remedy that. :) Now to finish cleaning my house. Tomorrow is Monday...did you know that? I won't get started on it though...LOL

Saturday, April 29, 2006

I received an email today and it made me feel like I am doing the right thing in regards to my employment and my children. I work part time and even though there are months when money is really tight I'm still home with my children and they are not being raised by a daycare center. When I lived in Everett I was away from my kids 11 hours a day. A DAY!!! That is insane. I did that for a year and 1/2. I'm surprised my children remembered who I was.
Here is a part of what I was sent...
You go mom...... you probably wont get that corner office.... but then you probably wont wonder what your daughters and grandchildren are doing at Christmas while you sit at home alone or rotting away in a nursing home... you chose to invest in THEM... not you... Which investment has a larger return? Look into their eyes and see your they look into your eyes and see their past.
There is absolutely no way words can express what this email meant to me.
I'm a single mom. That does not make me unique by any stretch. But...I'm a good mom and I'm proud of my children and who I am. Not all choices that I've made have been in the best interest of everyone involved but I've come out on the better end. I'm doing a good job and I have wonderful children to show for it. I know that when I am old I can look back on my life and not have any regrets. That makes it all worthwhile.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Ok...forgive me for this but....I HAVE A NO GOOD FOR NOTHING POS BASTARD OF A MOLE IN MY FLOWER GARDEN!!!! If anything will piss me off faster after I plant flowers it's a damn mole!!! My weekend is now set aside to kill it. Period. I have a 4 pronged hoe that makes a wonderful weapon in killing them. I've done it before I will do it again. If you only knew how angry I am right now...then again if you have flower gardens and a mole has eaten your flowers or burrowed in them then you know my feeling right now. GRRRRRRR......
Well I'm at work today. Still a bit weak but I'm a trooper and I'm here. Besides...I can't afford to take off 2 days in a row. Sucks being a single mom. Mark called this morning and invited me to Barrel Tasting at a couple of the wineries but seeing how I have a test to take tomorrow...yes AGAIN!!!....I won't be having any wine tonight. Bummer. The Barrel Tasting is going on all weekend so I'm not going to be seeing much of Mark. Again....bummer. I have a house to clean this weekend anyway. I suppose I will survive. *sigh* ;) Maybe I will paint my bedroom. How exciting is that???
I'm a bit worried about my kitten, Poto. The poor little thing's eyes haven't even remotely come close to opening. All of the other kittens are open or really close to being open. They are 2 weeks old today. If Poto ends up blind then the name is very appropriate. The Phantom had a deformity/handicap and so would my little kitty. She/he is the sweetest little thing. Loves to have it's tummy scratched/rubbed, will give me kitty kisses and will purr. I'm completely in love with it. :)
Lunch...I really need lunch.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

*sigh* I'm sick. I hate being sick. I would have gone to work but I would have been of zero assistance which by the title is office ASSISTANT. Mark called today and offered to bring me some soup but seeing how we are still getting to know each other...I really don't want him seeing me at my worst just yet. LOL It was very sweet of him to offer though. Now to go back to the couch and try to get to sleep. I've tried it twice and phone has rang twice. Maybe I should turn off the ringer? Nah...might be an emergency with my kids. Ok...ttfn...

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I have what I believe is the best boss around. Today is Administrative Assistant day...formerly Secretary's day. He left this morning to run a few errands and when he came back he had a gift for me and a nice card. He bought me a HUGE and I mean HUGE fuschia plant and gave me the rest of the day off. I love my job...:) Now to go play...

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Today has just been a really good day. Nothing has really gone wrong. One of our clients asked for my phone number...he is good looking so this is a good thing, he has taught mountaineering in the past...this is also a good thing, I looked at a house today and it's PERFECT!!! My CD's came in the mail....Foreigner's Greatest Hits, Night Ranger and Kelly Clarkson's new one. Dinner was good but it always is. LOL K made her salsa and I made pork carnita's. Mighty tasty. Not sure what I will do the rest of this evening but I don't think that much could ruin it. Just color me happy. :)

Monday, April 24, 2006

No...I have not forgotten the pic...just needed to find a really good one...this would be a REALLY good one. LOL

He is THE most beautiful man on the planet. Bar none! :)
I'm sure you have noticed a difference in my template. I've added the Code Amber ticker. This past weekend a friends daughter went missing. She was later found in Spokane after calling home. She is 13 years old. By the Grace of God nothing had happened to her. Please...add the ticker to your site. It could one day save a child's life. If you don't want to add the ticker there are also buttons you can add to your site. Just click on the Amber link I have posted.
I have been getting such positive feedback about the goal I have set for myself. I honestly didn't think I would. What I plan on doing by August 2007 will put me in such an amazing frame of mind and I'm getting more and more psyched about doing it. I know there are people who read this who will laugh and say I can't do it. Those are people who are not friends or people who truly love and care about me. There are also people who read this who know I can do it and will support me and back me up completely. Want to know what I'm planning on doing? Click on this and you will find out. It's going to take a lot of hardwork and determination...I won't even try to kid myself that it won't be difficult. I want to do this to prove not to others but to myself that I am a strong person...mentally and physically. I read the stats on it and out of 10,ooo people who attempt the summit only about 1/2 of them make it. With strength, courage and God's grace...I will be in the latter part. A very dear friend of mine has said he is open to considering doing it with me. If I even begin to say I can't do this...he will push me and keep me going. I will do this. For me...I will do it. Besides...I'll have a killer looking hot bod afterwards. ;)

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Welcome to Spring in the Pacific Northwest...:) Went for a drive today and did some serious thinking. I've made some decisions and goals. I really don't want to post the one major goal I have set. At least not yet. I want to be fully and totally sure it is something I can accomplish. I believe I can but still want to do more research on it. Once I get all of my ducks in a row with it...I'll post what it is I have set for myself.
I got a movie on Friday. So far I have watched it 3 times this weekend. LOL's a chick flick. What can I say? I'm a sap when it comes to romance. I don't have it in my own life so I can live it through movies. Much safer that way. Feelings don't get hurt and it's over in a couple of hours. :) I can handle that.
As we all know....tomorrow is Monday. I won't get started on my thoughts about that...:)

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Sometimes the ideas I come up with just boggle the mind. I bought the slate stepping stones today and came up with a really cool idea after I had put them in front of my steps. It's going to look soooo cool!!! Next payday I'll be doing more sprucing up of my yard. I'm really diggin' this yardwork stuff. Not only does it make my place look nice but keeps my mind occupied. Cheap therapy. a point. The flowers, beauty bark and stepping stones aren't free. ;) I do have to purchase a few things other than the aforementioned bark and stepping stones. I need to get a couple of short squatty trees and 3 rose bushes for the south side of my house. The one that has all of the blasted red rock. I am so not looking forward to that chore. I'm really hoping that when my parents get here I can talk them into buying paint for the house. This place hasn't been painted since Moses was a baby. Ok...maybe since then but not by much. It's in desperate need of a facelift. Maybe when they see how nice the yard is looking they will do it. I can only pray...:) My new camera will be here sometime next week so I'll start posting pics. I promise!!! :)
BTW Bean....NEXT!!! LOL
There is nothing like being woken up by a truck with roofers pulling into the neighbors driveway. If the guys were cute...I could accept it. LOL 8:00 on a Saturday morning is not cool!!! At least it's a gorgeous day and the wind has stopped blowing.
J and I are planting Sweet Pea's today. I love those!!! They smell sooooo good but they don't last long enough. I should view it as a little beauty from them is better than none at all. I really don't feel up to yard work today but it really needs to get done. What I want to do is go for a drive. No real destination in mind. I haven't done that for a long time. Last time I believe I was still with Darren. On Sunday's we would hop in his rig and go for a drive. It was very relaxing. I just thought of something though...with gas at $2.89 a gallon....I'm doing yardwork today. Well that took care of that now didn't it? LOL
Blasted roofers!!! I could have used another hour of sleep. Grrrr....

Friday, April 21, 2006

I'm goin' to POTO...I'm goin' to POTO!!! It's official. Sabrina and I are going to be seeing Phantom this summer. Can you color me excited??? Well duh....of course. I'm tellin''s going to be a GREAT summer!!! :)
While in the process of purchasing my flowers last night there was a nice lady in front of me who had purchased some slate rocks. They looked like they would be cool stepping stones. I'm heading my flat butt back over to H0me Dep0t tomorrow and buy 3 of them. At less than $6.00 apiece....I can afford it. I only need 3 so it won't break my bank.
I also bought a digital cam yesterday...thank you eB*y. :) Now I can actually post pics of the things I talk about. LOL It's Friday and I'm in a great mood. What a great start to the weekend!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

All is well in my little corner of the world. My gazebo is done and looking very pretty. I bought a bunch of flowers this evening and the girls and I planted them by my front porch. They look really nice. I planted petunias so you kow they will take over eventually. K wanted to plant some marigolds so we got a few of those also. A pretty pink & white with a splash of yellow scene will grace my front porch this summer. Now for the rest of the yard. LOL
Camping season is on it's way. We have been invited by a few friends to go with them this summer. I'm living for going with Tina and Les. Les and I are at each other non-stop with harassing and slamming each other. It's all in fun but every once in awhile I'll get a good one in on him and he is speechless. I LOVE it when that happens. Nothing like puffing up when you render a man speechless...get your mind out of the gutter for heaven's sake. ;) BTW...Les is Tina's husband and I went to high school with Tina. We reconnected at the reunion and have remained close ever since. It's going to be a GREAT summer. :)

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Well this sucks!!! *stealing a phrase from the penguins in Madagascar* It is almost 11:30pm and who is still awake? ME!!!!!!!! Care to guess why? Yep...I didn't have my pineapple drinky poo. Either that or I didn't work in my yard enough. Maybe a little bit of both. ;)
Ya know there are days when I really want to post about something really good happening in my life but I'm terrified that once I will go away. Let's just say that I had given up hope of there being any decent Christian men out me when I say that even Christian men can be schmucks and a$$es just like non-Christians...sometimes they are worse!!! My hope is slowly being restored. Just when you think God has given up on you or turned His back...He smiles down on you. Makes me feel awful for being...well I don't know what I was being but I didn't like it. Icky feeling lingered for awhile. Icky feeling is going away.
Just like the thing with Darren this week. God knew I couldn't handle the truth 2 years ago. Why He chose now I'm not too sure. Maybe because He knows I'm strong enough and can deal with it better than I could have then. It's wierd not thinking of Darren as someone I used to love. He is more like an accquaintance. I certainly never thought I would feel that way about him. It felt like I was finally released the other night. Now I can truly find someone...or maybe I already have. ;) You just never know...well maybe I do and I'm not telling. *sticking my tongue out* Don't you love it when I do that, Sabrina? *waiting for the email from her to say "OK...SPILL IT!!!"* I know her too well. LOL
All of the nonsense with Kim no longer bothers me. The sheer absurdity of it causes no concern for me. There is a concern right now but I will post more about that later. Actually it will be posted in my venting blog...if you wish to read it....just let me know. :)
I bought this yesterday for my little buddy who will make his entrance sometime the end of August.

It counts, sings colors, plays classical music. They will be able to hang it on the crib, stroller, baby carrier or he can hold it and just play with it. I'm digging this. Get to spoil him and then send him back to his mommy and daddy. Perfect. :) I'm going to buy one thing every payday. That will give him 5 LeapFrog toys and the quilt I'm going to be making. The toy I bought yesterday is for 3+ months. The next one will be 9+ months and so on. Yes...he is going to be spoiled.

My mom and dad are going to be up here visiting with us in June. Mom said she would bring her sewing machine so I can work on the baby quilt. She said she never uses it so I may as well use it. :) I love my mom. She said that Heather has a baby bump now and looks so cute. They have been discussing names but haven't decided yet. I'm so excited about being an Aunt. :)

Once I get the quilt done I'll post it just like I have posted K's bedroom pics. LOL Kidding...I'll get some pics done of the room when it's totally done. I still have the valance to hang up. Once I do that...I promise you will see how gorgeous it is.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I had the biggest laugh tonight...LOL I saw a couple walking by my house that shows people do end up looking like each other. Short and wide. What was cracked me up was his attire. A bluish tshirt, olive green long shorts, white socks...almost knee high and dark colored shoes. I couldn't help but bust up laughing!!! For her....just refer to the previous post. :)
Now I typically don't laugh at people. It's just not nice. But with these two...I will make an exception and it's justified. Makes me so glad I made the choices I did. I do have taste after all. *giggle*
I'm back!!! I know it was a long hiatus but the trip down woe is me road has come to an end. :) May I present a beautiful sight....? WILL YOU LOOK AT THOSE EYES??? ;)

Well if that doesn't tick me off!!! I went to go play with my new iP0d yesterday and I can't download anything until I upgrade my stupid computer. I need to have Wind0ws 2000 or XP. I have the dinosaur 98. Grrrr....I so totally could have used it while working in the yard yesterday. When K found out I have an iP0d now...she wasn't happy. I'm sure she will get over it. ;)
I've been doing some pondering lately. I wonder why we as a society let our bodies go to hell in a handbasket when we are in a relationship...whether it's being married, engaged or dating? Everyone does it. Even I have done it. While I was with Darren I went from a size 8 to a 10...of course the stupid estrogen helped with that. Just because we have found the person we want to spend time with or the rest of our lives with doesn't mean we can just forget how we look to them. I know we are supposed to be loved for who we are inside but we also need to take care of the outside. If not...the person we thought we were going to be with forever will end up searching outside of the relationship for the satisfaction they got when they first met us. Men are visual creatures and if they aren't turned on by the outside they certainly aren't going to say "Oh but she has a great personality..." I just see it all the time and it's sad. To see how a person goes from taking really good care of themselves to looking like they don't care anymore. We may be comfortable where we are and who we are with but don't take them for granted. I know I did that with Darren. Thank goodness I'm out of that phase. :) It's always hair done and makeup on for matter what. Ok...when I am working in the yard it's not. Cut me some slack ok? Sheesh...LOL

Monday, April 17, 2006

Whew! Today is over. I am completely thankful for that. The whole day went by so fast that I didn't have much time to think about anything. Well I did but didn't totally dwell too much. I have some wonderful friends who have given me some amazing words of wisdom, advice and just plain sympathy. I'm doing much better now. Kind of surprises me. A year ago I would have been moping, dwelling and stewing about it for days if not weeks. It's been almost 24 hours since the conversation and I'm ok. I like that. :)
It's dark out and I want to be out in my yard working on the flowerbeds. I can't do that right now. The reason? It's dark out. It's also darned cold. I should just go have my pineapple/coconut rum thing and go to bed. I didn't get a whole heck of a lot of sleep last night so sleep would be a good thing. Maybe even a nice hot shower. shower but jammies and a pineapple num-num is a must. :) Oh...this is just for Tigger...the last part of "When Harry Met Sally"....:) Thought I forgot didn't ya? LOL
It is no secret that I hate Monday's. I figured that today was going to be no exception. I was wrong. I came to work as usual. Prepared for a caca kind of day. Went out to get the weekend mail and there was a package for me. I was thinking it was part of the swap I'm in. I thought wrong. It was from someone I used to work with in Bellevue. He had mentioned he was sending me a birthday card...this was larger than a birthday card. So being the curious person I am...and since my name was on the package...I opened it. I found my card but underneath the iP0d!!! Hello!!!! Talk about something taking a person by surprise. It's a 1G and holds 240 songs. I'm going to have to hide it from K that much I know for sure. LOL
I needed this pick-me up. I'm still strugglinjg with what happened last night but it is starting to subside. I can't really say it took me by surprise. I think that deep down I knew my depression after my surgery and losing my job is one of the major reasons for why it killed it for him. I just didn't want to face the fact that he is that shallow. He does take the blame for how I view relationships now and my inability to not allow anyone close. He did say that I need to take the control back and he is right. I do. I need to realize that I'm better than that...also something he said which shocked me.
Last night was an emotional night for me. Darren and I did get a lot out in the open that we had kept to ourselves for a long time. There were so many unresolved issues and I think we have a lot of them worked out. After I logged off I felt a small sense of relief. Maybe I will be able to forget the words he used towards me and I can have a healthy relationship. When I brought up a time when he was cold to me after my surgery he did apologize for it. I know Darren very well and he is not one to apologize very often. I fully believe he is sorry for all he said to me.
It was a tough night but one I needed . I'm ok though. :) A bit teary eyed but ok.
Last night I had the conversation I don't believe I could have handled almost 2 years ago. I finally got the reason for Darren "falling out of love with me". I became depressed after my hysterectomy and losing my job. He had said when he would come home from work and I hadn't done anything all day, I was still in my jammies, kids were eating mac and cheese and I was on the computer he lost it for me. He did admit that not being supportive of me compounded everything. The man I loved hated me because of something I had no control over. This really should bother me. With all that was said last doesn't. I think in away I already knew it. Him telling me just confirmed it. Am I hurt by it? No. I'm past him hurting me. The problem now...I'm still letting what he did to me with the cybers*x and belittling me control who I am. How do I get my se*uality back and not even think about the horrible things that were said about me? How do I not compare every man I meet with him? Not only in the bad sense but even when our relationship was really good? There is so much more I want to post and I will but before I start crying again...I'll end this one. It's Monday...we all know how I feel about that.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Well I did not have my drink and here it is almost midnight and I'm still awake!!! This is just insane. I'm still wanting to cry. Ok....never mind. I'm in the middle of a conversation on chat and I'm in tears now. Maybe I will feel better after this. One can only hope...:(
Good Lord love a duck I'm tired!!! I have been on the go all blasted day!!! Cooked Easter dinner, went to Jamie's, came home and did some laundry, pulled weeds (which is a never ending chore), mowed the lawn and still have laundry to finish up. My body is going to rebel against me tomorrow...well more so than it already has. I hate pulling weeds with a passion and come hell or high water the area where I was stuck pulling them is going to become grass. Nice green grass...not flipping red rock!!! I hate that crap!!! Just a royal pain in the &^$!!! I do believe I am going to start painting my living room this week. I have so much to do inside and outside but just not a whole lot of time to do it. My parents are going to be here the second week of June. EEEEKKKK!!!! It's times like this when a boyfriend/husband would come in handy. LOL
Last night I believe I found a great sleep aid. It's called drinking a glass of pineapple juice with coconut rum in it. :) I fell asleep before midnight and slept like a baby. I may have to do that again tonight. Not a bad way to go night night. Then again...this is where a boyfriend/husband would come in handy. ;)
Ok...meteorologists don't know a whole heck of a lot. Hence the reason I didn't become one. Believe it or not when I was younger I wanted to be one. I have a friend who is an astro-physicist and he said to go for it. He said that the physics were easy to learn and I would do great in school. IS HE NUTS???? The man works for NASA. No kidding the physics are easy for him. For me? Not so much. So needless to say...I didn't follow that career path.
Anyway...they were predicting snow today. is completely blue with not one cloud in the sky. No wind and it's gorgeous out. This comes as bad news for me. I feel like crap!!! Stuffy, headache, sore throat, achey. The girls and I are supposed to go to a friends house this afternoon and I'm totally not up for it. I had put a roast in the slow cooker last night and K said it was great. I hate roast so I will take her word for it. My plan was to make dinner at Jamie's house. Mashed potatoes, salad, bread, a veggie and roast. To top it off....Strawberry shortcake. The way I'm feeling now I want to crawl back in bed and die. Well not die but the equivilent of it when feeling horrible. Maybe if I go lay down for a bit and just rest I will feel better this afternoon. I think I will follow that bit of self-advice. :)

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Well I got a couple more hours of sleep. I have the best kids. They let me sleep and didn't wake me up until my cell started ringing. We went out and about today. K wanted to try Bubble Tea so I obliged her. Mistake. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination. If you don't know what Bubble Tea is....g00gle it. Once you find out...don't try it. *shudder* An expensive taste test.

There is a storm heading our way. Would you believe it's supposed to snow tonight??? Snow on Easter. How odd would that be?

Speaking of girls are watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) and watching a childs version of The Passion.

Even watching the crucifixtion of Christ as a cartoon it still brings tears to my eyes. I am so unworthy of what He went through for me. Well not just me but all of mankind. I saw The Passion last year and that is when I realized I needed to turn my life around. I was making a serious mess of things so I gave it all back to God. My life has had it's ups and downs this past year. More good than bad but I will be the first to admit that the bad was horrible. I've been betrayed, treated like dirt and "spit upon" by people who I thought were friends. It was very difficult for me to go through all of it but I held true to my faith and love for Christ and came out on the other side a better person. I don't believe I could have without Him. He cleaned house for to speak.

I still have my days of where I feel lost and wonder where God is in all of this. I still question from time to time but I know He is still with me and will never betray me. With all He went through for me...grateful does not even begin to describe how I feel.
Happy Easter everyone!!! He is Risen!!! :)

I'm so tired!!! I woke up around 4:45am to go we all do during the night. I went to check on Nilla and the kittens....Nilla was missing and so was Daniel. My first thought was "Daniel died!!!" I couldn't find Nilla anywhere but...being the wise person I am...I have taught my girls to always close their bedroom doors. She couldn't have been in too many places because of that. First place I looked...under the couch. Found her!!! She had taken Daniel out of the box and had him under the couch. She was on her way to go get another kitten when I stopped her. I have since figured out that she wants to be under the couch come hell or high water. Nothing I have done has detered her. So right now Nilla is under my couch nursing Poto. The other kittens? Still in the box. I'm not sure the reasoning behind this but you can't fight a cat when it's determined to do what it wants to do. We will keep an eye on them today so everything should be fine. For now...I'm needing a couple more hours sleep. Getting up early on a Saturday...JUST WRONG!!! *yawn*

Friday, April 14, 2006

Finally!!! Nilla has had her kittens. Five of them...:) First one born? A black one with white around it's eyes. POTO!!! LOL How totally cool is that? The other 4 are little orange tabbies. The runt was struggling when it was born. Nilla wouldn't clean it off. I broke the membrane that was around it's little face but it was still not breathing very well. After a tense few moments...little Daniel is alive and nursing like a happy little kitten. The girls named him after Daniel in the lions den. Both are survivors.
It has been a long evening. She went into labor around 4:30 and all was said and done somewhere around 7:15. I'm exhausted!!! Not as much as Nilla but still tired. The girls have already named the kittens...which will make it that much harder to get rid of them. LOL We have: POTO (not getting rid of), Daniel, Stripe-o (has really cool striped markings), Fuzzy and Dot (polka's so cute). It is now 9:00pm and I'm actually ready for bed. Shocking...

Thursday, April 13, 2006

I really like the new song by Kenny Rogers...

Postcards and letters
And pictures made to last forever
To be boxed up and tossed away
Knickknacks and souvenirs
In an afternoon, they're out of here
They'll disappear without a trace
But what they mean to me
Can never be replaced
I can't unthink about you
I can't unfeel your touch
I can't unhear all the words
Unsay all the things
That used to mean so much
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you
Interstates and old songs
Like time they go on and on
I guess I could learn to do the same
I could wake up without you
These two arms not around you
Tell myself it's meant to be this way
No matter how I try I can't change
I can't unthink about you
I can't unfeel your touch
I can't unhear all the words
Unsay all the things
That used to mean so much
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh it's no use I can't unlove you
Oh my good gracious and heaven help me I found a video that is almost painful to watch. LOL Good man should be that gorgeous. The song is by Kelly Clarkson and boy howdie does it fit. It's such a nice addiction though...;) *sigh*
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. S/he has come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. S/he is there to meet a need. Then without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, s/he will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes s/he dies. Sometimes s/he walks away. Sometimes s/he acts up or out and forces you to take a stand. What we must realize is that the need has been met.

When a person comes into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. S/he may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. S/he may teach you something you have never done. S/he usually gives you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons. Those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. You must accept the lesson, love the person/people anyway, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

The above came to my mind this morning after I chatted with Sabrina. A friend of Sabrina's is in the hospital and cannot be off of her oxygen for any amount of time. She was on the list for a lung transplant and they have taken her off as she is no longer a candidate. Her breathing problems are causing a strain on her heart. I know Sabrina pretty well...Ok I know her very well. She is beating herself up for not spending more time with her friend and she should have taken more time to go visit with her. I can understand why Bean is thinking this way. Her friend is probably pretty close to the end of her life. Bean does not want to lose someone who has been a wonderful friend to her. I've met this woman and she is a wonderful person and I would have been blessed to have her as a friend just as Sabrina has been blessed.

All of this has caused me to really think about friendships and what do they really mean. They are one of the most important relationships we will ever have in our life. Not all friends stick around though. The reason, season, lifetime thing hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. I have been blessed with so many lifetime friends and I thank God they love me for all that I am.

I was thinking about the reason friends and season friends. I have been so blind to what kind of friendship I had with Kim. I didn't see that she was a reason friend. She came into my life 10 years ago for a reason. She was a key person to my getting out of an abusive relationship and getting my life back. She was there for me no matter what when it came to needing encouragement, support and strength in this instance. I could talk to her, cry on her shoulder and she was there. No matter what time of day or night. She was my rock. Without her...I may not have gotten out when I did...if I ever would have. When I left the company we were both working for, we pretty much lost touch with each other. She moved to the other side of the state and I went on with my life. How I wish we had left it the way it was. My memories and thoughts of her would not be so muddled with anger and disgust. Kim was in my life for a reason. I realize that now. I wish I had 2 years ago.

I have my season friends. Friends who I could help with my experiences or just a sympathetic ear. I had a great friend in Wenatchee. Her name was Marina. We had a great time shopping, going out to lunch and working together. When I moved back to Yakima...we lost touch. It's ok though. We both have our lives and we have great memories of my time in Wenatchee. I cherish that.

My lifetime friends...what can I say about them that hasn't already been said? They are the ones I know I can count on in good times and bad to love me and be there. They say you can count on one hand the true honest to goodness friends you will have in a lifetime. I would have to say that I can count on two hands :) BTW...who are "they"? I've never figured that out.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I am going to be a chaperone for a class trip. How cool is that??? I've never been personally asked so I'm diggin' this. K's class it taking a trip later this year and her teacher asked me to chaperone. A whole bunch of 5th graders...I must be out of my mind!!! K is excited about me it will be worth it.
House hunting can be fun and yet a royal pain in the butt also. Some of the things out there are mind blowing when it comes to how much they want for a house that needs to be condemned. Remember the place I looked at a couple of weeks ago that was in that catagory? Well today I looked at something much worse than that AND they wanted more for it!!! It's not like I live in a economically rich place. It's an agricultural area for the love of Pete!!! I have a few months to find something. I do want to be in a new place before school starts for the girls. I know God has something out there for's just a matter of Him directing me to it. :) I did find a really cute house today and in my price range. When it's right....I'll know it.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Apples do not fall far from the tree. J and K were over at a friends house this afternoon and who happened to show up but Kim's daughter. She asked the neighbor girl to come over knowing full well that J and K were playing over there. The neighbor's mom said "You can go only if K is there". K told her that she is not allowed to go to Kim's house. So what happens? Kim's kid runs home to see if she can play with the neighbor girl and then comes back saying she can play. K looked at this kid and said "You know that we are not allowed around you!!!" Sweet child that she is...she looked at K and said "Yep I know!" and then proceeded to come in and play. Makes you wonder why I stopped her from playing with my kids in the first place doesn't it? J had been over there for about 45 minutes playing (AFTER WAITING A HALF AN HOUR FOR THE LITTLE GIRL TO COME HOME!!!) and because of this brat my girls had to come home. She knew that J was playing over there and only did this out of spite and sheer hatefulness. K was in tears because she knows that J doesn't have a lot of kids to play with in the park. It bothers her that when J is having fun...Kim's kids always ruin it.
Like I said...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And now we all know why I want the hell out of this park!!! My kids shouldn't have to worry about being booted out of a play date because of some trash mouthed kid who cares nothing for anyone but herself. Oh mother like daughter. I totally forgot. My bad...
Yes I'm pissed. No matter what I do to avoid that woman and her poor treatment of me and my kids...she always weasels her way in. Why can't she get a life and grow up??? She ended the pathetic joke of a friendship...get the hell out of my life then!!! Psycho...

Monday, April 10, 2006

I have said it before and I will say it again...I HATE MONDAY'S!!! I did ok the first hour of the day. I even woke up with a positive attitude. After my first hour of relative started going downhill. While cutting a bagel for the girls I took a chunk out of my thumb, while curling my hair I burned the same hand I cut, my panini had WAY too many tomatoes on it, I have to take K to the doc because she has an ear infection, K's insurance isn't a's a freaking deductible!!! It's raining, it's cold and the stupid cat hasn't had her kittens yet!!! Oh...and I need to finish the stupid laundry. I should have never gotten out of bed.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

From Nell's blog:

Do a google image search for your favorite under-rated movie, pick the best (but non descript) picture and post it for others to guess what the movie is. Here's mine:

I really hate it when this mood hits me. Tears aren't far from just doing their thing. Don't ask me why either. I've been taking my estrogen, I had a good weekend, everything is just fine. I'm just in a low spot and since I don't really know bugs me. I'm watching Extrem* H*me M*keover and that is a mistake. I'm not even going to touch my book tonight. I want to be fully focused on it and right now...that is not possible.
I know some of it is just being lonely. What is sad about that is I'm still not sure I'm able to be in a relationship. I know there is still some healing that needs to be done and trust to rebuild. I know that when the right guy comes along...the fears won't be there. Apparently I haven't met him yet. LOL I've been on some dates....ok every date I've been on since August 2004 qualifies for this...but something was missing on my part. Sure I could be in a relationship but there is zero chance I will be with someone just to be with someone. I don't need a man in my life to validate who I am. I know I've said it before but there are just so many people who do that. I've seen it and I've done it. Nothing but misery follows when you do that. I would rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable.
My perfect man is out there...and his name is Gerard. *GRIN* If only...*sigh* Hey...I can dream can't I?
Ok...I'm feeling a bit better. A tad tired but other than that the dizziness and headache has gone away. Guess I won't be buying that soup anytime soon.
Did some yardwork today. Didn't do a lot because as you know...I wasn't feeling all that swell...but I digress. I believe I am in need of a rototiller. The root system from the plants that made no sense is intense and there is zero chance of me getting all of them and there is no way new plants that MAKE sense would be able to take root. When I plant my flowers I want pretty dirt. Not the crappy stuff that is there now. I'm one of those odd people who likes clean dirt. LOL I am feeling the need to put my gazebo up this week. We shall see how ambitious I will be. If it's nice out...I'll do it. If it sucks...I won't. Simple plan dontcha think? My yard is going to be so perty when it's done. Tell me...are yards ever really done?
I think tonight will be a reading type of night. I've been reading "Phantom" by Susan Kay. I know...hush. It's a great book though. She took Gaston Leroux's book a step further and gave Erik...he is the Phantom...a history. She starts it at his birth up to his time at the Opera house. It's a great read and one of those books I don't want to end. I love those type of books. You get so engrossed in the story that you become a part of it...from an outsiders point of view. Yes...I'm a reader. Always have been...always will be.
Tomorrow is Monday. Did I ever mention that I hate Monday's?
It's official. I'm allergic to dungeness crab. I have one word for that...DAMN!!!!!!! I love dungeness. I've tried it twice in the past and have gotten sick after it. Today the girls and I went grocery shopping and they were handing out samples of the store soup. It was soooo good. Then I had the bright idea of looking at the ingredients. Can you say I am not a happy person? At least I can still eat snow crab.
Aside from my crab was a good weekend. Margaret and Tina came over. All of us met up at Liz's and we had a nice visit for 4 hours. Margaret and I went for a little drive to look at where I'm praying God will let me and the girls move to. She thought it held potential. We shall see what happens. Like I's all in God's hands now. If this is where He wants me to be...He will make a way for it to happen. It would be totally cool if he does. The kids thought it was great and K said would like living there.
Time for me to go lay down and let the dungeness kill me. Ok...not kill me but make me wish it would. *sigh*

Saturday, April 08, 2006

I may have found it!!! I will know more this coming week. I'm not getting my hopes up too far but if this is what God wants for me and the girls then it will happen. It would be the perfect setup for us and a chance to have a life I want. It's all up to God now. :)
It's a rainy day but it's a good one. I wanted to work in my yard but since it's raining I have friends coming over from out of town, going to Liz's house, Tina will be here and tonight...POTO!!!!!! I love my life. *huge grin*

Thursday, April 06, 2006

What a day. Work was just insane and I'm glad it's over. It was a gorgeous afternoon so I spent some time working out in my yard. I have yet to figure out what my mom was thinking when she planted the things she did. *shudder* Not one bit of it makes sense. There used to be a rather large tree in the yard but 1/2 of it was diseased so my parents cut it down years ago. For some reason they chose to not take the root system out. Do you know what root systems do when the tree is gone? They still wiggle around and make your yard wavy. Can you say it's a pain in the butt to work with? Mom had put up some funky birdhouse looking thing right in the middle of this square patch of dirt and planted things that made no sense. Well...I decided the birdhouse thingy had to go. Seeing how it looked like it was down in the ground pretty far I gave it a nice healthy strong shove. That was a mistake. It wasn't down in the ground very far and I came really close to doing a face plant right in the flower bed. If someone had been videotaping it...I would be $10,000 richer. You are just picturing this aren't you and chuckling quite loudly...I know you are. LOL I have to admit...the pathetic mess of a flower bed is looking much better with just the little bit I did today.
My parents left an old park bench here when they moved. I'm going to stain it and put it in the little spot of dirt in the middle of my yard. I'll buy some stepping stones and plant my wonderful petunias. Out of ugly comes beauty and grace. Just going to take some back breaking work to get it there. I love this stuff though...:) I did buy a gorgeous wrought iron gazebo that will be set up in the next few weeks. I have a cute little bistro set which will sit in the gazebo. I have some really cool looking outdoor lights in the shape of lanterns that will be hung on my porch. Need light while I'm grilling on my new grill ya know. ;) Slowly but surely it's all coming together. I'll get it all together and then I'll end up moving and starting all over again...I know that is what will happen. But...that's the fun part. Right? Nod your head and say "Yes are so very right". ;)
Margaret gave me a pack of sweet pea seeds and I can't wait to plant those. They smell sooooo good!!!! I also have some daisy seeds that must be planted. They are my favorite flower...did you know that? Well now you do. :)
I'm still on the hunt for a house. I'm not giving up that quest but in the meantime...I will do what I do best...interior decorating and planting flowers. Great therapy. Cheap too....:) This weekend some of my friends are coming over for a slumber party/going out dancing kind of thing. Not too sure how much gardening I will get done but hopefully I will get a little bit taken care of. I want a nice yard this year and I will have it even if it kills me. :)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

My mom called tonight. Heather had an ultrasound today and it's a boy!!! Woo hoo!!! I'm gonna have a nephew!!! I'm so excited I can't stand it. My parents are just ecstatic. Everyone was wanting a little boy. Especially my parents because they already have my girls so they want a grandson. Now they are going to get one.

I've tried to figure out what to get him and I figgered it out tonight. Every payday I'm going to go get him something from Leap Pad. There are some really cool things in that line. I found a totally cool Baby Einstein musical thingy to put on the baby carrier which is a must buy. I'll start buying things for Heather also through out the months. Everyone always forgets the mama. So I'm going to make her a basket of spa type things. I have 5 months so it should come along really nicely.

Now if I can only find a sewing machine. I have all the pieces for a quilt for my little man but no machine to put them together. Need to start perusing the classifieds and yard sales will be starting up soon. :) Nothing will be too good for my little man...:)

He is gonna love his Aunt Tracey and I'm gonna be the coolest Aunt...well in his eyes I will be. LOL He is going to think his Aunt Tracey is all that and a bag of chips. Of course he will be my main reason for going to California now. Shhhh...don't tell my parents. ;)
These are the two purses I bought last night. Cool and funky huh?

I'm considering going and getting these two:

The first one has a faux mink fur on it. It's really cute in person. I love purses...can you tell?
I just think these are cool. The things you can find on the net...gotta love it. :) See the chandelier? The one I put in K's room resembles it quite a bit. Not as big but the shape. LOL I know...I need to get pics taken and posted. Soon...I promise...soon.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Sometimes I amaze even myself. Take tonight for instance. I went bowling with J. We bowled two games. My second game...well it sucked. I barely broke 100. My first game? I know you really want to know...Ok..I'll tell ya. 154 thank you very much!!!!!!! Hello!!! I have never bowled a 154. I can't wait to brag to Darren about that one. LOL I's not much but I have to grab onto whatever I can when it comes to him. LOL Yes...we are getting along and are civil to each other. No...I'm not reading anything into it and don't want any kind of romantical relationship with him. That is dead and gone.
I went birthday shopping tonight and amazed myself even more. I got a cute pair of short dress pants (the type that look like gauchos from the 70's), a nice cashmere/wool blend sweater and two purses. Pants...orig $36/I paid $2.99, sweater...orig $36/I paid $2.99, purses orig $50 each/I paid $4.99 each. Am I good or what??????? Sometimes it's just scary how good my shopping skills are. LOL
I got this from a great friend for my birthday. It's a jewlery box. Now I won't have my stuff laying around my dresser. Some organization!!! I'm so loved...:) Thanks Frank!!! Love you tons!!!:)

These pics are from the Broadway show. Just thought I would throw in a little something different. Yes my friends...I'm bored. LOL

Red Death Mask - Masquerade

The Phantom's Lair
Music of the Night
Longest Running show on Broadway!!!

Can't forget my pics...:) This is my favorite part of the movie...well along with Point of No Return, Wishing you were somehow here again, All I ask of you, Think of me...Oh who am I kidding??? I Love the WHOLE MOVIE!!! Yes...I'm a Phantom Phan and proud of it. :)
I stand corrected. I had emailed Darren about Chuck last night. Since he named the fish I figured he should know that he passed on. Darren emailed me back and said that K got Chuck just before he and I met. Seeing how Darren and I met the day after Thanksgiving 2002...that would make Chuck 3 1/2 years old!!! Holy crap!!! That was one sturdy fish. Darren sounded sorry that Chuck was gone. He actually liked that fish. Stupid fish loved Darren. Wagged his tail and everything when he saw Darren. LOL
This week is going to be an interesting week. I'm hoping that Nilla has her kittens this week. Poor cat looks miserable. Waddling around like a duck and man is she a *itch. Hissing and slapping Julianne every chance she gets. LOL I'm just praying that Raisin holds out until K gets home. K went to the WA coast with her grandparents and will be home on Friday. I don't want to have to tell her that he died while she was gone. That would not be a good thing.
Had a chat with Margaret last night and it looks like we may be having a girls night next Saturday. A few friends are going to be in town so why not? :) Winter is over...time for the fun to begin. :D

Monday, April 03, 2006

NEW VIDEO!!!!!! OMGOSH!!!!!!!! That man is too beautiful for the video says it all. LOL Great song also...
There is also a new link to check out...if you feel the need but since it involves Gerry you know you feel the deep need to check it out. ;) LOL
It has been a Monday. Haven't I said I do not like Monday's? It started out with me forgetting that the clothes in the dryer did not have the pants I wanted to wear so my pants had 15 minutes to dry and I ended up wearing damp pants to work.

While getting ready to leave for work I went to go feed Chuck...Chuck being our betta. I am saddened to say that Chuck is no longer with us. I was not pleased at this. I knew it would happen one day but I didn't want that one day to come. We have had Chuck for almost 3 years!!! *sigh*

My eyes aren't getting any better. In fact it has now gone over to my right eye lid. I'm just a mess today. Nell mentioned that it might be a dermal infection but seeing how doctors cost money and so does meds...I'm stuck with what I am doing now which is nothing. LOL If it doesn't clear up in a few days I'm sure I will have to go get it checked. For now...I deal with it. Now if the itching would just stop!!!

Now to work on putting more pics on here...:) Ah...the joys of Gerry and POTO. Speaking of POTO...when our cat has her kittens..which should be any time now...I told the girls that if she has a black one with a white's mine!!! Can you guess what the name will be? Yep...Poto. LOL I know....sad huh?'s my obsession so there! ;)

Sunday, April 02, 2006

I hate asking for things for myself but I am asking for prayers. I don't know what is going on but my eye is swelling. You know where we all have those dark undereye circles...well mine is starting to look like a balloon. It's itching and feels like it has a fever in it also. There isn't a rash or any kind of bumpy bumps so I don't know what it is. My right eye is fine. Please pray. I can't deal with any medical bills right now. :( I look like someone popped me in the eye. It's ugly...:(
I have come to the decision I hate the time change. At least in the Spring. I lost a flipping hour!!! Just messes up my day. I don't mind the fall change because I get an extra hour and that is always a good thing. :)
I am being so blasted lazy today that I don't even want to do laundry. I know I need to but I just can't seem to get off of my flat butt and get in there and do it. I would feel more perky if I took a shower. NAAAAHHHH!!! It's Sunday and I don't feel the need to look pretty today.
Well K just came in and said "Hey mom...I'm out in the shed organizing it for you". Hello!!!! Do I have a great kid or what??? J just brought in a daffodil for me. What a sweetie. :)
Ok...I'm off to do my laundry. Sigh...
My day ended as well as it started. We had dinner at Appleb*e's and even though the service sucked...the company and the Perfect Margarita were great. We didn't go dancing though. All of us ended up at a sports bar here in town. I really wasn't in much of a dancing mood so this was perfect. A couple of my friends gave me some really nice silver earrings with a blue stone it them. Can't quite figure out what the stone is but they are gorgeous.
Since it was April Fool's day...I did get my "gag" gift. Victor...a guy I have known for pretty much my whole life (33 years)...had a crush on me in 1st grade and being the ingenious 6 year old he was...he gave me a toilet paper tube with the ends wrapped up. Inside that tube was a nice healthy worm. LOL Well not to be one to sit on his laurels...he gave me a bag of worms last night only they were gummy worms. He said he wanted to put them in a toilet paper tube but couldn't find an empty one. LOL So I ate gummy worms and drank C*rona last night. Not too many though. I only had 2. I was a good girl.
All in all my birthday was great. I'm actually excited about my 40th....I think. ;)

Saturday, April 01, 2006

It's almost 4:00 and I'm doing some resting before we head out for dinner. So far today has been a good one. Even Darren sent me birthday wishes and he hopes I have a wonderful day. My birth mother sent me an email but it was just a forward. As strained as our relationship is..and believe me when I say I'm being very generous when I say relationship...I'm surprised she even sent me anything.
Margaret and I hit The Lighthouse and I got a beautiful hunter green velvet dress for the holidays...I'm always thinking ahead and for only $1.00 it was worth it, I got the top I woke up thinking about this morning, a classic little black dress (what every woman needs in her closet) and a couple of things for the girls. Then we went grocery shopping at Margaret's insistence. Again...another birthday gift from her. I have to say...none of what Margaret has done for me was asked for. This is just the type of person she is. Very giving and very loving when it comes to her friends. She is the type of person who would give the shirt off her back if someone needed it. She did give me a cool ribbon that says "39 Forever"...of which I plan on remaining. I won't turn 40. Just not an option. LOL
Margaret is a good person and I wish everyone could have a friend like her. I've said it before and I'll say it again...I am blessed to have her in my life. Not because she gives me gifts, which by the way is only on special occasions, but because she will listen to me and give me an honest to goodness truthful opinion of what she thinks is happening. No sugarcoating at all. She definately will not tell me what she thinks I want to hear. It's the flat out truth and nothing less. Actually...all of my friends are that way. Sometimes I wish they would marshmallow their thoughts...LOL....but I am thankful that they don't. Keeps me grounded.
Now to go relax on the couch, finish my tea and then get ready for dinner and a night out. If today is any indication of's going to be a great one. :)

Well my birthday has started out great. K made breakfast and it wasn't your normal cereal and toast breakfast. She made crepes folks!!! Being an 11 year old I was worried they were going to be horrible. I was wrong. They were awesome!!! I have the best kids. Why God blessed me with them I will never know but I'm not going to argue it. :)
Today the plan is to go to a thrift store called The Lighthouse. Nell...this would be your kind of store. All clothes, shoes and purses are $1.00. There are some fantastic buys there. I was there yesterday and found the cutest top and I didn't buy it. I woke up this morning thinking about it so I need to buy it today. For $1.00 I can afford it.
I have no clue what we are doing the rest of the day. We were going to go to another friends and hang out by the creek...they have the most AWESOME landscaped yard...but it's raining and sitting by a creek relaxing wouldn't be a good thing. Oh who cares what we do. It's my day and I'll do whatever I danged well feel like doing. :) I will let nothing ruin today...