Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I lost my father today. I still have my dad but the man who was part who I am biologically is gone. A man I will never know. A man whom I have heard nothing but good about from 2 people who loved him. I spoke with his brother today. I have an Uncle Jerry now. He told me a little bit about the man who was my father. He said he was a good man. Someone who was there for everyone but...don't piss him off. Once you betrayed his trust...it was gone and regaining it was difficult to do if ever. Very much like me. He had blue eyes...just like me. Brown hair...just like me. Not a big man....I'm on the small side. He had no butt...definately my father. I have no butt either. Totally flat. He was a man who kept his life to himself other than close friends. Very much like me. I'm guessing that he had a temper as mine has a tendency to flare up at wrongs being done to me or my family.
So many questions are running through my head with the information I gained today. What were his last thoughts before he passed away? Did he think about me for 18 years before his death? Did he wish he had gotten to know the daughter he let go? These kind of questions will drive me mad if I keep thinking about them. These are questions I will never have answers to.
I called my sister today. It's amazing how she knows when I'm upset. All I said was "Hi Denise...it's your sister". First words out of her mouth...."Ok...what's wrong? You don't sound good." We can go months without talking and she will know when I'm hurting or upset. When I told her that Gene had passed away...she was what a good sister should be. Comforting and available no matter what. I love my sister.
I called Donna, my birth mother, after I spoke with Denise. Donna was sorry and pretty much said the same thing Jerry said. Gene was a good man. He drank too much but was still a good man. She had nothing bad to say about him.
I found out that I have a brother. His name is Scott. He is younger than me and that is about all I know. My mission now is to find him. I will be seeing Jerry when I go to California in August. I want to be able to find Scott and see him also.
It is amazing how your world can change and turn upside down in an instant. I woke up this morning with the hopes of one day finding my father. I will go to bed knowing my father passed away before I ever got the chance to look for him and I have more family out there. More than I ever expected. Jerry has 6 kids. None of them know about me so this is going to be interesting....to say the least.
After today....my life will never be the same.

Friday, May 26, 2006





It is going to be one of those weekends...I can already tell. So for some visual excitement, stimulation and just pure eye candy...








Damn but that man is gorgeous....:)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Can my life just get any weirder? Good grief. Someone walked into my office today whom I have not seen in a very long time. Took me completely by surprise. I'm still in shock. It wasn't a bad thing seeing this person. Just unexpected. I am so ready for the 3 day weekend. LOL

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Don't even ask why....

Will you be there beside me If the world falls apart
And will all of our moments Remain in your heart Will you be there to guide me All the way through, I wonder will you?

Walk by my side, and follow my dreams And bear with my pride, as strong as it seems Will you be there tomorrow?

Will you be there beside me As time goes on by And be there to hold me Whenever I cry Will you be there to guide me All the way through, I wonder will you?

Walk by my side, and follow my dreams...

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I love auctions. Sometimes too much. I've been a good girl lately though. My only purchase was last night. The PBS station here in town has an auction every year and they were winding it up last night. Everything was going for next to nothing. I bought a kitty package for POTO. It was a $90 value and I got it for $16. She will now have her shots, nails clipped, a physical, a carrier and a bag of food. I really like getting bargains like that. Makes things so much easier on me financially. :)
The kids went to J's friends birthday party last night. They had such a good time. I had such a nice peaceful evening. LOL I did call the parents and ask if a certain child was invited to the party. I received a resounding NO!!! I felt better knowing that. Had this child been invited my girls wouldn't have gone.
Speaking of birthday's, tomorrow is J's birthday. :( I cannot believe my baby is going to be 7 years old!!! She isn't a baby anymore. Why do they grow up so fast? Seeing how I had all my innard's removed (I know TMI LOL)....I won't be having anymore. There are days that just saddens me but then I think "AM I INSANE????" I'm almost 40 years old. I do not need to be starting over again. LOL I'm happy with just the 3 of us. Don't need to add anyone else to the mix.
Blasted cottonwoods are in full swing. Do you know what this means? ALLERGIES ARE KICKING MY BUTT!!!! My throat hurts so bad that I can't stand it. I need to move to a place where cottonwoods do not abound. Anyone know of such a place? Please? *sigh*

Monday, May 22, 2006

And now...back to our regularly scheduled program. I've had enough drama and BS to last me the rest of the year and even possibly a lifetime. :) LOL Oh how I've missed this man... :)


Sunday, May 21, 2006

Well it was an interesting weekend....to say the least. I will spare you the gory details. Lets just say that God works in ways you will never understand but just accept how things come about.
J and I were in a parade yesterday. Got soaked before it started...seeing how it was raining cats and dogs. The rest of the day was good. Went to a block yard sale in Joey's neighborhood. Joey being a new female friend of mine. Actually it was a couple of blocks. Only icky part about it was I saw my ex mother in law. By the Grace of God...she did not see me. Everytime I see that woman she has to belittle me and try to make me feel an inch high like she did when I was married to her son 14 freaking years ago!!! I wanted to avoid that at all costs. I just wasn't in the mood for it. Wow...did that just freak me out or what? It's been 14 years since I married my first husband. June 21, 1992 was the day we got married. Crap!!!! It doesn't seem like it's been that long!!!
Today was very lazy. Watched movies all day. I showered only because I had to go get K from her dad's house. I barely put on makeup and definately didn't do my hair. I saw no point in that. Don't really need to impress anyone out there. LOL
The girls are heading to a birthday party tomorrow for one of the kids here in the park. It will be a nice thing for them and a short break for me. Not that I really need one. Ok...maybe I do. A friend called me last night inviting me to go out dancing. She had a sitter all set and she was paying. Wouldn't you know it...I was flat out exhausted and didn't go. I don't even know what time I fell asleep but when I woke up at midnight I thought it was around 3am...that tells me I was asleep for quite awhile considering I never get to bed before midnight on most nights.
I did get an email from a wonderful friend of mine today. He is going to be in town next Saturday and asked me if I would like to go out for dinner with him. Well duh...of course!!! I haven't seen him in months. We are due for a get together.
Other than some BS that was happening with J's biological sister who, after lying to me for 5 years and saying she would have a relationship with J sometime in the near future...informed me that J is not family to her. Yes as I'm sure you all know without my saying so...I got pissed about that and flat out told her to never contact my daughter and she is dead to all of us...told you it was ugly....I know Sabrina...you don't have to tell me. But you know from experience how that kid can piss me off and I can't keep my big mouth shut. LOL :)
I'm due for a new pic of my man...but that will have to wait until tomorrow. :)

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I read something today which defies all logic or at least logic how I know it. I told a few of my friends about what I read and asked them their opinions on it. All of them had the same answer. There is no logic to it at all. I know that my friends will be totally honest with their thoughts and opinions so please tell me your take on this..
"family is someone you see all the time and is someone you are close with..."
I'm unsure what to think of this. If this is true then I have no family at all other than my children. My parents and brother live in CA and I see them maybe twice a year. I have a cousin who also lives in CA whom I see maybe every 4 years. I have another cousin who lives in Oklahoma and I haven't seen her since I was in 8th grade. I even have a sister in Texas whom I haven't seen for 13 years. By the above logic I have no family. If this is how it works I would certainly like to know because for 39 years I've always thought that my mom's sisters in CA were family. How sad I will be to find out that in truth they weren't.
Yes my friends....you can call me a smarta$$....;) LOL

Friday, May 19, 2006

What the frick???? I have had the day from hell today and it's not even a flipping Monday!!!!!!!
First I get a phone call telling me that I need brakes all the way around on my car. Well I knew that pretty much. What I didn't know was how much it was going to cost. How about $400 fricking dollars!!!! Needless to say I will not be trading my car in this fall for a different one. I'm going to fix up the one I have and keep it for my older daughter. She will be driving in a little over 4 years. May as well keep it.
Second I got a call from an irate client and I thought I had calmed him down by taking care of the problems. Oh no....he decided to go off just a bit more. Late fees...we all know what those are right? Well he went ballistic about the late fee he had and asked "What the hell is going on???" I told him that the company has been making some changes and that we are now charging a late fee. His comment to that? "Well I'm going to be making some changes of my own down there with a bullet from a 357 Magnum!". Um...hello? Needless to say I was in shock and shaking after I hung up the phone. I did tell my boss and he called the client and spoke with his wife telling him that he needs to act more gentlemanly and that he does not need to go off on his assistant. She fully agreed and understood. Well duh!!!! Threatening to come shoot me...because I took it as he was talking about me...is not kosher thank you very much!!!
I believe tonight would be one of those nights a pineapple juice with coconut rum and POTO is in order. Good grief...

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I just got some really cool and exciting news!!! I'm gonna be in a commercial. How cool is that??? One of our clients works for a television station here in town and she said that when the commercial came up she immediately thought of me. She said I would have a line or two and that I would be so cute in it. LOL I'm 39 years old and still thought of as cute. Is this a good thing? Ok...maybe it is. I'll accept it. I'm all excited about this. The commercial will not only be playing in Yakima...where I live...but in other towns as well. :) How about being in a commercial to show someone that my life has taken a turn for the better??? Go me...go me...go go go me....:)
No...it doesn't pay but it will be exposure and getting my voice and face in front of the production guys so who knows...I may end up doing more of these things. Not so much my face...that is too frightening even for me to think of. The voice thing though? Definately. I was going to intern for a radio station when I was in Wenatchee but it didn't pay. When I was offered a full time job that actually paid...well I had to turn down the internship and be a productive member of society. :( Bummed me out. I so totally wanted to be a radio personality aka DJ. I've been asked on more than one occasion to be a DJ but just never did it. I have one of those airport lady voices. LOL
I'm not saying this will lead anywhere but it's going to be a lot of fun. I'll just enjoy the ride. :)

Sunday, May 14, 2006

What a good weekend. Friday evening K's friend came over for dinner and I had made cheese zombies and tomato soup. When her friends sister came to pick both girls up...K was spending the night with her friend because she had a rabbit show on Saturday...I gave the last 4 zombies to her and her friends. I have now pleased teenagers. My life is good. LOL They loved them and said they were way better than the schools....:)
I didn't do much on Saturday. Went to wally world and picked up critter foods...yes I said foods. Rabbit, cat, kitten, hamster. Foods. This morning was a great Mothers Day morning. My girls made crepes and had gifts for me. Most of today was a lazy day. They played while I was on the phone with Joey. Joey would be a girl...don't get excited. LOL I'm making friends here in town and that is a good thing. Even better...they are Christians. Isn't God good? :)
I had to go back to wally world this afternoon...which ticked me off because my brakes are all fouled up on my car and I hate driving it. I picked up more flowers for my front yard. They had the most gorgeous blood red petunias. I had to get them. :) I have a solar powered fiber optic gazing ball that is in the middle of it all. Very pretty...
Joey IM'd me a bit ago and she said her best friend is interested in me. Her best friend being a guy. I'm telling you...Joey and I are so much alike it's scary. Kinda like me and Sabrina. Just freaky. Actually I view it as a God thing. He puts people in our lives that we need and can relate to us. Both Sabrina and Joey are definately in that category. :) Anyway...I'm not jumping on the band wagon of dating again but if someone comes along and it seems a good thing...I won't say no. Besides...he comes with good references. :) As long as he isn't like Mark....we are ahead of the game. LOL

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Holy crap!!!! I just baked 2 1/2 dozen cookies in less than 20 minutes. That is including mixing, rolling and baking. Man...I am good and didn't even know it. ;) If you want the recipe...just let me know and you got it. :) I just shared it with my friend Annette and she was mixing, baking and done while we were chatting online. These are THE perfect cookie for mom's who have young kids and want a nice after school snack for them. You will not believe me until you make them how good they are and how easy. Now I won't have issues with baking cookies anymore. Not when I can make them this easily, quickly and cheaply. :) God bless my boss's wife....:) (She gave me the recipe)
I found something this morning that may be a bit of a problem. My clothes are getting too big. Normally this should not be an issue. I'm happy being at a size 8. Could use some toning but I look good in general. The problem is...I look awful as a size 6 and don't get me started on how horrible I look at a size 4. I was there a year and 1/2 ago and I looked sick. I try to eat. Honest...I do. I'm just finding that eating is not high on my list of things to do. When I do sit down for a meal I don't eat all of it. I will have maybe 1/2 of it and then I'm done. I can sit down and drink my diet P*psi's without problem. It's getting food into me that is the problem. It is 1:00 and I haven't even eaten lunch yet. I'm a tad hungry but the thought of food makes me nauseous. I would love to have a King's Row Special which is a jr. burger, fries and soda. The sheer thought of eating it? Not a good thing. K has even said things to me like "Mom...you really need to start eating" I look in the mirror and still see the size 10/12 I was. I didn't like seeing me that size. I'm not anorexic. I do eat. I don't throw it up. I just still see "chubby woman" when I look in the mirror. I"m beginning to think that this is not a good thing. How do I fix it though...? Why don't I want to eat? Why do I still see a fat woman looking at me in the mirror? :(

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

If you want to play, the game is…

Make a comment saying so and I give you a letter. You then have to think of 10 words that start with that letter and they must mean something in particular to you and your life.

God bless Nell. She gave me a nice letter. I think...I wracked my brain to find 10 words for me that started with an "S". Well here goes...me according to "S":

Sexy - Well I have my moments of being unbelievably sexy. It's been awhile though. LOL

Shopping - Anyone who knows me knows that this word is a given. :)

Sacramento - Yes...I am a true California Girl. Shocking isn't it?

Surgery - How many surgeries can we have in a lifetime? Let me count the ways. Ok...I'll spare you the details. Just know it's more than one.

Steak - I love my grill and the steaks I cook upon it. Medium well thank you very much.

Steven - How weird is this? My brothers name is Steven and his wife's name is Heather. My boss's name is Steven and his wife's name is Heather. Coincidence? I think not. God gave me the job...remember? :)

Sympathetic - Call me a sap..hey!!! another "s" word...but I have sympathy for anyone in pain. I even sent a sympathy card to my first husbands family when his grandmother died a few weeks ago.

Simple - as in living my life not minded. ;)

Shy - I know I know...tough to believe but I do have moments of where I have no clue how to approach someone or talk to them.

Secluded - This word goes along with an "R" word but I don't have the letter "R". I keep to myself a lot and prefer being secluded and alone.

WOO HOO!!! I DID IT!!!! :)
While posting my pictures of K's room who should walk by my house but...well I'm sure you all know who. I'm thinking that she really really needs to get a life. A park with over 200 houses in it and she has to come back here. Mind boggling. She really needs to get over the fact that I will never have anything to do with her again and I can't stand her.
I remembered something today...well I think that God brought it back to me. She told me that while she was "friends" with Darren she had asked him if he would ever consider dating someone like her. He pretty much told her that he wouldn't because she was too fat. He was a little more diplomatic but that was the jist of it. Considering she went after her current fiance (I'm sure he won't be the last) not a week after I went out with him...I finally realized what type of person she is. If a guy can get a hard on...she wants him regardless of who he is. She went after my ex fiance and then went after a guy I dated. Shows me just how valuable my friendship was to her and really shows me that friendship is nothing to her. I love getting those kinds of releases. Makes the friendship divorce a good thing. :)
Ok...it took me forever but here are the pics of K's room. I put before's and after's on it. I'm not totally done yet. I need to put the valance up and touch up some of the nicks I made while hanging up pictures. She really needs some baseboards but that will have to come later. So tell me what do you think of my handywork? :)
It boggles the mind how rude children can be. I mean come on...pushing another child out of the way just so they can walk in front of them? That happened to J today. I tried to find the logic behind the rudeness. I found none. Yesterday another child...same family...spit at K and then when I was driving out of the park he spit at my car. I've been told by more than one person that a child's behaviour is a reflection of the parent. Why does this not surprise me?
Nothing from Mark which is a good thing. My phone did ring the other night at 3am but seeing how my cell was in the kitchen I didn't hear it. :) I'm still a bit freaked out and I'm going to be watching my surroundings while going home today. Hopefully he holds true to his word. I don't think I will be doing any dating anytime soon. This experience pretty much has me weirded out on dating. I'll stick close to home and do my yard work and other such stuff. So much safer and easier on the nerves. :)

Monday, May 08, 2006

What has happened to me just goes to show that you never know what type of person you are meeting whether it is online or in person.
After a couple of conversations with Mark I felt that he was not someone I wanted to be with. He was already planning out taking me to CA the end of August, meeting my kids before taking me out, taking my kids for bike rides, having to "share" me with my boss...etc. You can say it freaked me out. All of this was said in less than a week. Today he called work and my boss answered the phone. I was on another line. He eventually starts asking my boss about me!!! How out of line was that? He wanted to talk to me but my boss told him I was away from my desk. I got a call a few minutes later and had to go get my daughter from school because she is sick. It is a 10 minute drive from her school to my house. He called once while I was in the school and 4 times while I was taking care of J. He left a message with the last call. I had sent him an email earlier telling him that I don't believe it would work out based upon some things he had said. He sent me a response basically telling me that is not what he said but he will not bother me again. At this point I'm scared. To call me as much as he was and then to just leave me alone? As far as I know he doesn't know where I live and doesn't know my last name. I pray he holds true to his word. I've never really been afraid of a man like this. I didn't do anything wrong. :(

Saturday, May 06, 2006

FINALLY!!!! I have downloaded over 200 songs onto my iP0d and I'm listening to it as I type and I'm just this side of giddy. This is beyond cool. The little thing is no bigger than a pack of Juicy Fruit and light as a feather. I'm totally diggin' this little guy. We must name him though. Any thoughts? :) Something masculine as we all know I love those manly men. LOL Just as an FYI even though you already know the answer...the POTO soundtrack is absolutely on it. That is a given...duh...LOL
Talk about messed up!!! I was sitting here thinking about how Ronna had told me that I am a hypocrite because I am now a Christian. That made absolutely no sense to me since she was judging me on my past with who I am now. The definition of hypocrite is:
The act of pretending to have beliefs, virtues and feelings that one does not truly possess.
Before I became a Christian I never pretended to be one. After becoming one I never pretended to be one I was one. Where is all of this leading? I have a point...I really do. In the year 2006 if a person says they are a Christian all of a sudden they are called hypocrites, persecuted, judged and mocked. All of this BEFORE anyone gets to know them. In the year 1956 if someone said they weren't a Christian they were persecuted, judged and condemned. All of this BEFORE anyone got to know them. When did it become a crime to be a Christian? At least here in the free world? Just because a person was not a Christian all of their lives does not mean they are to be labled a hypocrite when they are finally saved. If they were doing the same things they did before finding Christ...that would make them a hypocrite. If they have turned their lives around...no one has the right to judge who they are based upon the past. Especially people who will say they are Christian but yet live within the world. Nothing turns my stomach more than those people. Look at some profiles on myspace or a personals website. How many do you see that say their religion is Christian? Now if you were to ask them about going to church, reading the bible or worshiping Christ what do you think their reply would be? I'll tell you..."Oh I don't to go church. I worship within myself." WHAT???? I have yet to figure that one out. It's like people are ashamed to say that they are not a practicing Christian. If they say they are one that will absolve them from all wrongdoing and make them a better person. Again...HUH? I will fully admit that I have not been the best Christian around. I have struggles with my faith just like everyone does. Just do not call me a hypocrite. If I were out partying , sleeping with every guy I dated and then going to church on Sunday....I would gladly accept that label and judgement. Since I don't do those things....your judgement of me is way out of line. Look in the mirror before casting judgement on me. I don't think you will like what you see looking back at you.
Ok...I went on a tangent. LOL I'm done for now...;)
Sabrina and I had a conversation today that caused me to look at things a different way. Things that have been haunting me for a very long time. Because of this conversation I have sent out some emails to a few of you requesting your support for me and my goal. I wish I could have added a couple more emails but I was only allowed 8. Laine and SoulSearching are the two I wanted to add. So Laine and SoulSearching...please comment here with your email addy's so I can email you and let you know what is going on. It's a good thing.
It's strange how we come to depend on our "blog" friends. Funny thing this internet. Can be used in such wicked ways but yet it brings people into our lives that we may never have met without it. I have amazing friends in my life. That is why I have chosen the women I did for my support system. I know they will have my back with this. I admire each and everyone of them. A person would be blessed to have just one of them as a friend. I have all 10 of them!!! That would make me super mondo blessed. Indeed I am...:)

Friday, May 05, 2006

I'm needing to make some changes. Changes that require a lot from me but will require support from my friends. Once I get my ducks in a row I will fill everyone in. I just realized this morning that it's time. It's time for me. :)

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Ok....I saved some stats for the month of April. You will see how mind boggling they are. You will also see that someone seriously needs to get a life. All of these stats are from the same IP addy. So...decide for yourself if she is crazy or not:
IP #68.118.213.189
April 1 - 10:09am
Apr 1, 2006 01:48:15 PM
Apr 1, 2006 01:48:21 PM
Apr 1, 2006 01:52:42 PM
Apr 1, 2006 09:31:56 PM
Apr 2, 2006 01:03:47 AM
Apr 2, 2006 11:03:18 AM
Apr 3, 2006 01:06:18 AM
Apr 3, 2006 09:34:26 am
Apr 3, 2006 04:30:47 PM
Apr 4, 2006 09:01:48 AM
Apr 4, 2006 09:40:01 AM
Apr 5, 2006 12:36:14 AM
Apr 5, 2006 08:27:55 AM
Apr 5, 2006 07:19:44 PM
Apr 6, 2006 08:00:28 AM
Apr 6, 2006 07:41:34 PM
Apr 6, 2006 07:41:43 PM
Apr 8, 2006 10:43:29 AM
Apr 8, 2006 10:43:39 AM
Apr 8, 2006 11:43:46 PM
Apr 9, 2006 06:16:30 PM
Apr 10, 2006 09:20:43 PM
Apr 11, 2006 07:59:19 PM
Apr 11, 2006 10:37:26 PM
Apr 12, 2006 07:53:12 PM
Apr 13, 2006 08:06:18 PM
Apr 13, 2006 08:06:26 PM
Apr 13, 2006 11:31:56 PM
Apr 14, 2006 08:50:38 AM
Apr 14, 2006 11:43:30 PM
Apr 14, 2006 11:47:04 PM
Apr 16, 2006 08:42:57 AM
Apr 17, 2006 01:17:28 AM
Apr 17, 2006 07:17:48 PM
Apr 17, 2006 09:34:52 PM
Apr 18, 2006 08:26:24 AM
Apr 19, 2006 07:47:48 AM
Apr 19, 2006 09:19:44 AM
Apr 19, 2006 08:55:00 PM
Apr 19, 2006 11:49:35 PM
Apr 20, 2006 06:11:45 PM
Apr 20, 2006 08:33:11 PM
Apr 21, 2006 12:16:30 AM
Apr 21, 2006 07:07:31 AM
Apr 21, 2006 06:21:45 PM
Apr 21, 2006 08:28:13 PM
Apr 22, 2006 10:57:53 AM
Apr 22, 2006 10:58:01 AM
Apr 22, 2006 05:50:30 PM
Apr 23, 2006 08:42:27 AM
Apr 24, 2006 07:42:27 AM
Apr 24, 2006 09:31:59 AM
Apr 24, 2006 10:02:51 PM__
Apr 25, 2006 07:32:19 PM
Apr 26, 2006 02:25:53 PM
Apr 27, 2006 08:23:40 AM
Apr 27, 2006 07:09:06 PM
Apr 27, 2006 11:48:42 PM
Apr 29, 2006 07:38:58 AM
Apr 29, 2006 10:41:50 AM
Apr 29, 2006 01:32:29 PM
Apr 30, 2006 08:50:00 AM
Apr 30, 2006 07:36:02 PM
May 1, 2006 08:13:59 AM
May 1, 2006 11:13:51 PM
May 2, 2006 08:58:04 AM
May 3, 2006 07:43:35 PM
May 3, 2006 09:16:01 PM
May 4, 2006 07:16:33 AM
Now that I have conducted my little experiment and had my suspicions confirmed...I'm done. It's getting boring. LOL
Something came to my mind this morning...other than the need for coffee. I have a sort of anniversary this month. Not quite sure of the date since I deleted my lovinstitch blog. It was sometime in May of last year I found out who my honest to goodness friends are. This would not be something you would think a person would want to remember considering how badly I was hurt but it was truly a blessing in disguise.
It's hard to believe that it's been a year since 2 women whom I confided in with my deepest hurts and fears betrayed me in a way no friend would ever do. It was a situation that should have never occured but I am truly grateful it did. I sent an apology to one of them. She refuses to even acknowledge it which has shown me that she was never truly what someone would consider a friend much less a good one. In hindsight I realize now that she maintained a "friendship" with me to gain knowledge of my ex husband. She dated him a long time before I met him. When I was no longer of any use to her and I wouldn't give her the information she desperately wanted to know...she became friends with Darren and told me she knew it would end our "friendship". If we had a friendship she wouldn't have done it in the first place. But I digress...
The other friend came to me around 2 months later asking me to testify in her trial and apologized for hurting me. I foolishly believed her. Once I testified...she had no use for me. She ended the friendship based upon my calling the school about her son for bullying my daughter. Her logic was if our kids can't be friends than neither can we. I didn't understand that but accepted it. I have since gained knowledge from others that have proven that I was correct in not remaining friends with her. Losing that so called friendship has been a weight lifted off of my heart that I can't even begin to express how good it feels to be out of it. Nothing has been more stifling and burdomsome than trying to be friends with her.
I've learned some serious lessons in this past year. Not pretty ones either. I've learned that once trust is betrayed it is difficult to regain it. Both parties have to be willing to work towards that common goal or it is not going to happen. I believe that I can speak for Sabrina and myself in that regard when it comes to our friendship. We have been through some tough times during the past 9 years. One instance almost killed our friendship. We didn't talk for close to a year and I missed her in my life. I needed her friendship. I swallowed every bit of pride I had...and we all know I have a lot of that...and I emailed her. That was over 2 years ago. It has taken work on both of our parts but the friendship is back and better than ever. I love her dearly and would trust her with anything in my life.
It has been a year since the revelation of who I can trust and believe in. As odd as this sounds and I can't believe I'm saying this but I thank Kim and Ronna for what they did. If they hadn't...I wouldn't be person I am today. A happier and "at peace with who I am" person. It was because of them that I took my life back from the pain that over took who I really was. It was their betrayal that opened my eyes to who I had become. A sad, bitter and ugly person. A person I didn't like. Sometimes things happen in our lives that we get so angry that we can't even begin to comprehend the logic behind it. I know full well that God set that whole thing in motion. He did not want either one of those women in my life. He knew that their ultimate betrayal would hurt me and would hurt me deeply...but...He also knew I could handle it. Funny thing...I did handle it. Better than I thought I could.
I learned a lot about myself this past year. I'm not who I was then. I'm stronger and I believe better. I grow everyday in finding out who I am. I am finding I'm a good person but I won't put up with anyone's crap either. I'm no longer a doormat. This my friends...is a good thing. :)

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Nothing blogworthy. I truly hate being boring but alas...I'm completely boring right now. I have not killed the *&^#$% mole, my flowers are growing nicely, work is going well, kids are happy. See? Boring. Boring = NO DRAMA Ya gotta love that. Once I skewer the &^%$%# mole I will have something blogworthy. Until then...*yawn*. :)