Monday, July 31, 2006

And the waiting game continues. Went to the doc on Friday. He did a biopsy and I won't know anything until this week or sometime next week. This my dear friends....SUCKS!!!
Now to really foul up my Friday. Guess who my doctor looked like? Yep...Darren!!! Can you say I just about fell through the freaking floor when he walked in??? Good grief...that man is going to haunt me until the day I die. Only good thing about the whole situation...the doctor touched my boobs more than D ever did. LOL Of course it was all clinical so there wasn't any excitement involved. *sigh* Basically the same as what the last 15 months of my relationship was...I'm used to it. :D I sit waiting with a bruise on my boobie. It's going away though...:) I know...TMI right? Well as my friend Joey says...there is no such thing as TMI among friends. ;)

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Frick frick frickity frick!!! I got a call from my gyno's nurse yesterday. Seems that he wants me to go see a general surgeon. Oh joy...oh rapture!!! Not really. The last freaking time I was referred to a general surgeon I had surgery the same day!!! I'm doing everything I can to keep my mind occupied with something other than this stupid lump in my left boob!!! Do you know that you become increasingly aware of your boobs when there is something wrong with them? Huh? Did ya???
I went shopping last we all know that is a great way to get your mind off of ugly things. Well it just made things worse. I wanted to get a suntea jug. The kind that have the little spigot in them. Do you think I found one? NO!!! Only good thing about last night was I bought a new summery-springy kind of suit for a wedding I'm going to in a couple of weeks and a new skirt which may end up taking the place of the summery-springy suit. I must admit I did quite well with my purchases. The suit was regularly $50 and I got it for $4. The skirt was regular $17.00 and I got that for $4 also. All brand new stuff. Not thrift store bargains.
Sadly...none of the shopping helped my mood. This must really be bugging me. Shopping always helps my mood. Ah well...the appointment is the day after tomorrow. I can't stress too much until I know for sure what they are going to do....but a "general surgeon consult" certainly doesn't sound nice!!!

Monday, July 24, 2006

Well I did something today I've never done before in my life. I went to see a movie by myself. I actually didn't mind it. Small popcorn and a small soda and I was set. I really liked the movie too. :) was a chick flick. Would anyone expect anything less from me? LOL I went to see "The Lake House". Some people may not like it but I really did enjoy it. I like Sandra Bullock so of course I liked it. Keanu wasn't too bad either. Can you say "YUMMY!!!"? Good gracious that man is gorgeous. He isn't Gerard but still...*sigh*
I did something crazy after the movie. Wanna know? I cut 7 inches off of my hair. I can hear Nell sucking in her breath. LOL It looks great!!! The girl who cut it did an amazing job. I'm very picky about my hair and for me to be happy with a cut is a feat in and of itself.
All in was a good day. I was still recovering from the beginnings of heat stroke from yesterday but I had a decent day. Work was uneventful and for a Monday....YIPPEEEE!!!! My only wish...IT NEEDS TO COOL DOWN!!!!!! I seriously hate summer...

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Courtesy of Danelle...

Go to wikipedia and type your birthday in the search box (not the year). Find 1 significant death, 2 significant births, an interesting event or two, and a holiday. Just like Nell...there were some very slllliiiiimmmmm pickin's.

April 1

Marvin Gaye ~ died 1984

Gordon Jump ~ born 1926
Debbie Reynolds ~ born 1926

Daylight savings time introduced in USSR ~ 1991
*why would oppressed people want an extra hour of daylight???

George W. Bush signs the Unborn Victims of Violence act which makes an attack that leads to the death of a mother and her unborn child two criminal charges ~ 2004
*does the name Scott Peterson ring a bell?

International day of the Birds ~ Holiday
*I wanted to go with something other than the obvious but a day for birds???
The mind boggles at kids today. The lack of respect for others just blows my mind. Today I was pulling into the park where I live and there were kids in the middle of the road. All of them got out of the way but there was a child in a wagon who gave me an ugly look and stuck her tongue out at me. HUH??? What the frick was the point in that? Then I remembered who the child was. Good grief...nothing will ever change will it?
Today was hotter than hades and tomorrow is supposed to be even hotter. I'm sorry but when it gets into the triple digits....DO NOT TELL US HOW FRICKING HOT IT IS!!!! We already know it's hot. Don't make it worse by playing with our heads. Poor Punkin...K's rabbit...was just dying. I brought her inside and let her stay in the house in my bedroom...which is the coolest room in the house. Poor thing. Nothing like wearing a fur coat in 107 degree weather. Her poor little ears were just burning. I'll do the same thing for her tomorrow. I am taking the girls to summer camp so the bunny will need to be cool.

I did some school shopping today. I's only July but when you find great looking clothes at a very reasonable buy them. I went to my favorite thrift store "The Lighthouse" and one of the women who works there told me about some kids clothes she just put out. She even stopped what she was doing and took me to where she hung them. Did I get some great outfits!!!! K got 2 and J got 3. For how much you ask? I shall tell you...$10.00 for all of it. Thank you...thank you...I know...I'm that good. :) When you are a single mom of two daughters you need to save wherever you can. I need to get a couple more pairs of jeans for each girl and then the basics. After that....I'M DONE!!! Love getting it out of the way.

Tomorrow is the beginning of me being kidless for the second time this summer. It's going to be too fricking hot to do anything. I will be having lunch with a friend tomorrow so that is a good thing. To be perfectly honest...I want K home!!! I miss her so much I can't stand it. It's like a part of me is missing and I need it to feel whole again. Yes....I am very dependent on my children. Not quite sure how to get past that. I will need to though. They are going to grow up and have lives of their own. They won't want mama hanging around. LOL There is someone who has been emailing me for close to a year now and there is the possiblity of something there. We shall see. I'm not jumping into anything. One day at a time with no expectations. :)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

It has been a good day. Surprising since I had both boobs compressed to about an inch thick. I truly feel that every man needs to have this test done. If not on their breast then on their Mr. Winkie. They may have a new found respect for what women go through.

The mammogram...well it sucked. As we all know the lump is in the left breast. Can you say that compressing it brought tears to my eyes? I can honestly say that it hurt like hell. While I was there the radiologist felt that it would behoove me to have the right one checked also. You've compressed one very tender boob into a shape it was never meant to be and now you want to do the other one??? Oh sure...why not? I have nothing better to do. Once all of the miniaturizing and compressing of my boobs was done I was sent to ultrasound. I knew that this wasn't going to hurt since I've had ultrasounds before. WRONG!!!!!!! Pressing on said painful boob again with a little wand thing with warmed up KY Gel again made me cringe and want to shove the little wand thing up someones hiney. She did apologize and being the polite person I am I said "'s ok". After all of this poking and prodding was done I was told the results. They did not see any cancerous tumors in my breast. This makes me very happy. I'm not gonna die!!! Well..not at least anytime soon. Isn't that great news??? I still have the pains though. My left arm and hand go numb. I called and spoke with my dad tonight and he has come to the same conclusion I have. A blocked artery. This my dear friends isn't very comforting. Arteries lead to the heart. *sigh* So...I will be calling to get an appointment set up and see what can be found out. A blocked artery. Just what I need.
K called me about an hour after my appointment asking how I was. When I told her that they didn't see any cancer she was elated. My little girl just loves me. Whenever I am sick she is right there taking care of me. When I had my hysterectomy 3 years ago she couldn't focus in school while I was in surgery and when I got home she was there for me all the time asking if I needed anything and what could she do for me. I am so blessed to have her as my daughter.
After the good news of not seeing the BIG C....I went to the mall and made a beeline for Bath & Body Works. I love their sweet pea fragrance. I needed some shower gel and while walking around I found the facial cleanser I used years ago. It's called Rice. I highly recommend it. Especially if you have combination skin. It's amazing stuff. I did go to Claire's with J and got a couple of things. After the mall it was straight to my favorite fast food place. Dusty's. OMGosh!!! I love their burgers!!! If you are ever in Wenatchee, WA....stop at Dusty's. You won't regret it.
So there you have it...I don't have cancer. Still not sure what is wrong but I do feel better about ruling out the big C.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Still not feeling all that great. My left arm keeps going numb on me. It isn't all the time but it's more often than not. I'm hating this. I just want to feel good again. I hate not knowing. I will know more later this week but it's the waiting that kills me. I have gotten so much support and love the past couple of days that I will never again think that I have not affected anyone's life in a positive way and that no one cares about me. I know I have friends who care but to learn that there are so many out there who truly are concerned about me and love me. It feels good and makes all of the people who don't give a damn about me and are probably hoping I will die from this....not matter in the least.
Sometimes you wonder why God does what He does. If a person is open to the lessons in will see just a glimpse of His thought processes. I seem to have 2x4's upside my head to see them but...I do see them. LOL I never did do things the easy way. :)

Monday, July 17, 2006

Well I made an appointment today. I was hoping I could get it done here in town. Sounds odd huh? Well my gyno is in Wenatchee. After I moved back to helltown I refused to change my doctor. Once you find a good stick with him/her. Wenatchee is only an hour and 45 minutes away so it's not a huge deal for me. After talking to the nurse..who by the way is the BEST nurse I have ever known. Anyway...she said that I will have a mammogram but I will also have to have an ultrasound. She said they are not approaching this as a routine exam but as a symptomatic exam. I did ask her about the pain and is that usually associated with cancer. She said no. That put me at ease a bit. Not completely mind you but it's not forefront in my mind now. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me. It came from nowhere. I was feeling just fine all day Saturday and then WHAM!!! I was knocked for a loop.
I'm having a tough time concentrating which makes work kinda tough. I'm glad that Steven is gone tomorrow. I won't have much to do. I usually don't when he is out of the office. I told him what I'm dealing with and he was very concerned. His wife had found a lump awhile ago and immediately went in to get it checked. He said that it's better to be safe than sorry. I fully agree with him. Have I ever mentioned that I have the best boss ever? I may only work part time and I don't make massive amounts of money...but my work environment and the flexibility I have completely outweighs any other job out there. There are days when I think that I should look for a fulltime, better paying job. Then I think "Am I out of my mind???". I would completely regret it if I did. Nope...I shall stay where I am. :)
This whole situation has caused me to just want to be proactive and have a double mastectomy and not be in fear of breast cancer. I've heard of women who do that because of their family medical history. They have a test where you can be tested to see if your odds are good (or bad depending on how you look at it) for developing breast cancer. I'm seriously considering looking into that. I have 2 young daughters I need to raise. They need me just as much as I need them. Anything I can do to prevent the chance of me dying I will consider. I'm going to wait and see what I find out at my appointment. I will remain positive though. All of my friends are telling me to remain positive and think that everything will be fine. I won't give matter what the outcome. I will fight it. I have gone through too much and have way too much to live for to let something like breast cancer get in my way. Won't happen...not to this little girl. :)

Sunday, July 16, 2006

I haven't posted in ages!!! Life has pretty much been really boring. Well...up until last night. It all started with my feeling weak and out of breath. I was having some chest pain and my left arm was going numb. I slept ok and when I got up the pain wasn't as severe. I took a nap after I got up this morning...I'm just exhaused. When I took a shower I thought I would do my monthly self exam. Mainly to rule out any lumps causing the problem. I couldn't rule out any lumps. I found one. I'm not a happy person right now. I'm going to make an appointment to get a mammogram and see my doctor. I truly don't know what is going on right now. All I know is I'm hurting and there is a lump in my left breast. I hate asking for things for myself but I could really use some prayers right now. I'm trying very hard to not be scared or think bad things. It's difficult to do. My biological mother had breast cancer pre-menopause so that is hanging over my head like a LARGE black storm cloud.
I will post more when I find out what is going on with me.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Never in my life have I been happier than what I was yesterday at noon thirty. My girls finally came home. Picking them up at the airport was easier than I thought it was going to be. I did have a bit of a deterrant though. We got to baggage claim and my precious J said "Mommy...where is teddy?" Teddy being her most prized possession other than the baby blanket I made for her. Oh good grief....she had dropped it somewhere. So...being the wonderful and loving mommy that I am...I went back to the ticket counter, got another pass, went through security (which is not a speedy process) and ran towards the gate where I had picked them up. There is a good samaritian out there somewhere because while I was running towards the gates...and I was RUNNING...I looked up on a ledge just near some stairs and what do I see? TEDDY!!! Thank you God!!! So...I head back down to baggage claim and we head to the car. The rest of the trip was uneventful...thank goodness.
There was one sad part to my afternoon. K had to go to her father's house and will be there for the next 3 weeks. She was none too happy about it either. But...there is something I say to her whenever she is gone for longer than a weekend. I ask her "When I'm not near you...where will I always be?" She replies "In my heart, Mommy". This gets us through the separation. Yes...K and I are very close. We always have been and I don't ever see that changing.
The rest of the afternoon went ok. Went to the church for a picnic sort of thing. J got to play on some of those blowup bouncing toys, we had hotdogs, watermelon, and homemade pie. The downfall of the evening...the stupid cooling fan on my car went belly up. In 100 degree temps...this would not be a good thing. One more doo-dad to get fixed. Ah life...never a dull moment. baby is asleep and even though I don't have my oldest here...all is well within my world. If K was would be perfect. I love my little family. I couldn't ask for more...