Friday, December 14, 2007
So...while I was pissed off for awhile I have come to learn that if he is such a pansy and cannot stand up to a woman who is pathetic beyond any reason...I'm better off without him. One day I will find a fabulous man who's balls are still attached to him. :)
Thursday, November 08, 2007
I do have some good news though...I have met a man who is completely OPPOSITE of any man I have ever dated. I'm not future tripping or getting lost in this but I believe in my heart he is the man I've been waiting for. Same values, same beliefs and ideals. He is my match in all ways. I like it...after 3 years of healing my heart and spirit...I'm ready to fall in love again. Isn't that great??? :)
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Today has been a good day for me. Hardly any pain at all. I'm still really tired though. I'm thinking that laying in bed all weekend and eating bon-bon's is in order. Whadda ya think?
BTW...does anyone really know what a bon-bon is?
Thursday, August 16, 2007
They were going to keep me tonight but the doctor finally said I could go home and that I needed to schedule an appointment a stress/echo test. Oh joy! Oh rapture! I get to go in and let them hurt me some more!!! I hate getting old. It's either that or the stress I'm dealing with from a certain spermdonor who refuses to grow up!
I'm off to bed now with my nitro patch (which by the way helps tremendously) and get some well needed sleep. *sigh*
Friday, August 10, 2007
"Well, well, the bitch Tracey is at it again. Wanting to slam Kim in anyway possible. Do all you want Tracey. I think everyone should know about you and your past too. Good God, where should I start, with her herpes, no, maybe with her being raped in the asshole, or about her ex-husband *there was private and highly personal stuff here and I refuse to post it* She goes on dates with men and turns them off in the first five minutes by telling them all about her past and all she has been through. She claims to be a Christian but, she has no clue what that is. No Christian would ever type these slanerous things about someone on the internet. I have one thing to say Tracey.... FUCK YOU BITCH!!!!!!!! Oh wait, there is more, she dates married men! Then gets chummy with their wife when they find out about it. How pathetic is that? You make me fucking sick. Oh by the way, her new blog is kristinedaae.blogspot.com, check out the supposed Christian women on that one."
I was persuing my email today and came across the above. I know exactly who tried to post it. Thank goodness for moderating features. LOL I'm trying to figure out just how the stuff that was said about me makes me pathetic. Let me see...finding out that a man I was dating was actually married and I sought out his wife. Hmmm...that is smart on my behalf.
Being raped anally? Hmmm...not quite my fault now was it? If I was sick enough to ENJOY anal sex like the person who posted the nastiness then yes...it would make me pathetic.
Having herpes? Well yes I do have it. The man who gave it to me FAILED to tell me he had it. Does that make me pathetic? Nope. Just poor judgement on my part.
Talking about my past on dates? Everyone has done that and the individual who wrote the nastiness is married to a woman who did the same bloody thing I'm accused of being pathetic for. Interesting.
The individual who wrote the nastiness is married to a woman who had been engaged 4 times in 2 years, slept with 28 different men in 2 years and I have learned that she has cheated on him while they were dating. Makes me wonder just what the basis for judging my "pathetic-ness" is.
When I received the comment I was at a very low point in my life. I know ya'all are saying "Tracey...why do you keep those???". I'll tell you why. I keep them to remind myself of just how far I have come in the past 3 years. That comment was sent to a woman I don't even know anymore. A woman who has finally realized her own self worth. A woman who will not settle for anything or anyone. A woman who made some poor choices and made some bad decisions. I look back now and I can say without a doubt and no hesitation that I would never have made those decisions if I was the woman I am now.
It's interesting how circumstances can determine who you will be mentally. Situations happened that broke me down and I chose to do things I wouldn't have done in a normal state of mind. I'm 3 years out of an abusive relationship. I'm 2 years out of 2 abusive friendships. Do I miss any of them? Not in the least. To be perfectly honest...I am thankful to all 3 of them. Their betrayal caused me to really search my inner self and spirit. I had to take a step back from life and just focus on who I am...not what they were trying to convince me I was. I don't trust easily but with what those 3 people did to me brought me more friends than I could have asked for.
That brings me back to the nastiness written above. Am I pathetic? Not by a long shot. I'm a woman who has made choices. Some bad...some good. Will I allow my future to be dictated by those choices? Not a chance. All I can do is be who I am now. If I am going to be judged by my past mistakes then those people are not who I want in my life. Oh wait....they aren't in my life and I am better for that.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Like I said...I will not survive this...at least not without a lot of vodka. LOL
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Anyway...enough of that bs. It's no longer part of my life. My life now is my kids, house, job, friends and Curt. I'll be seeing Curt again on Saturday after a day of me, my girls, JoeyLynne (a friend of mine) and her boys having our pictures taken. Joey and I are doing the "Trash that dress" on Saturday also. It's going to be sooooo fun!!! The kids will get to play in the river at Walla Walla Point Park afterwards so it's going to be a great day all around. The kids get to play and I get to see Curt for dinner.
OH!!! Curt invited me to go see the Tim Mcgraw/Faith Hill concert next Thursday!!! Whee!!! I will go over there after work and head home Friday morning. He has already told me that he will cook me a nice breakfast before I head home. Well...not home but to work. My boss is so sweet!!! He said I can come in around 11'ish and then work a little late to make up the time I'll be missing. This job has been a complete blessing to me and the girls. Speaking of my job...I passed my insurance licensing test!!! I am now the office manager and I got a nice healthy raise among other things. Life is just way good and I'm a truly happy little girl. :)
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
He picked me up at 1:30 Saturday afternoon and the minute I saw him I knew I had made the right decision. Not only because he is good looking but the kindness that I saw in his eyes put me completely at ease. He brought gifts he bought in Disneyland for me and my girls, some roses, a daisy plant for my flower garden and some homemade lotions/soaps/lip balms. Talk about a surprise. No guy has ever done that.
The rest of the day was as close to perfection as a day can be. We drove north to Leavenworth and then had lunch at a little drive in called "The Heidleburger". Lunch was great and so was the company. :) From there we headed to Lake Wenatchee. It was an amazingly gorgeous day and very little wind. For Lake Wenatchee...that is a rarity and a very good thing. :) We spent around an hour there just talking and relaxing. After some kid walked up to Curt asking him if he had a belly button we decided to leave and head to the venue. LOL
We went to The Gorge Amphitheater for the John Mayer concert. What a great show. I had never really listened to John Mayer until the concert. I am now going to go out and buy his CD's. LOL Since there were about a bazillion people at the concert we just sat in his car talking and eating until the crowds thinned out so we could make our way back to my place. We finally got to my house around 1:30am. Seeing how he lives 2 1/2 hours away I told him he could stay at my place. No...we did not have s*x. LOL He was a complete gentleman. I have plans to go see Tim McGraw and Faith Hill next week so thankfully we don't have to wait a month before we can see each other again.
He did say something to me during our marathon conversation and that was "Tracey...I will treat you with nothing less than the utmost dignity and respect" OMGOSH!!! Where has this man been hiding??? In the past 5 years no man has ever treated me the way he did in one 12 hour period. I can't even begin to share all that he said but suffice it to say...any man I've dated in the last 5 years cannot even begin to compare to Curt. In no way could they even come close.
Can you believe it? I found a good man!!! I'm still sticking to the 6 month clause but aside from that...I'm really liking this man. I'll keep him around for awhile.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
The week of June 17th the girls and I are heading to California to see my family. It's been well over a year since I've seen my parents. I'm needing some mom/dad time. I hate being so far from any kind of family. It really really sucks. I mean I'm talking sour pickles here. That is how bad it sucks. LOL
It has become glaringly obvious how boring life has become. No Darren, Ronna and Kim bullshit. How nice is that? I think quite nice actually. I do believe I will keep it this way. :)
Sunday, May 27, 2007
1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
Working for a car dealership that had me in tears daily. Can you say "sexual harrassment"? I knew you could.
2. What were you doing 1 year ago?
Working at the same place I am now, being deceived yet again by my ex fiance, getting stronger and stronger emotionally.
3. 5 snacks you enjoy:
I don't snack much
4. 5 songs that you know all the lyrics:
Most of the POTO soundtrack but there are a lot of songs I know the words to. LOL
5. 5 things you would do if you were a millionaire:
pay off debts, get the hell out of Yakima, set up college funds for my girls, take my single friends on shopping sprees, buy new cars for my single friends.
6. 5 bad habits:
procrastination, over analyzing issues or people, holding back tears when they are needed, cracking my knuckles, not eating
7. 5 things you like doing:
blogging, reading, yardwork, surfing myspace (that's some serious entertainment...LOL), cooking
8. 5 things you would never wear again:
a wedding gown, an engagement ring, lingerie, a size 10 anything, my high school drill team uniform...LOL
9. 5 favorite toys:
my PT Cruiser, PC, outdoor grill, my George Foreman griddle/grill, my Magic Bullet
Ok...I'm not going to tag anyone because I've taken such a long hiatus from my blog that I may not have any readers anymore. :( That sucks but life sometimes just takes over. Besides...life has been pretty boring lately. Well not totally but I won't post my findings on here. If you care to know about what God/the Universe has revealed to me as to why I'm no longer with my ex fiance (I won't type his name because it honestly makes me want to vomit) I will tell you via email. Just leave me a comment and I'll get back to you.
Aside from that crap...the girls and I are heading to California next month to see my family. Gosh it's been a long year since I've seen them. I am being promoted to office manager within the next couple of weeks so that will be a blessing financially for me. Once that happens I'm looking at buying a house. A friend of mine may be moving so there is the possiblity of taking over her house payments on a lease to own basis. It's in the same school district I'm in now and the house is gorgeous. I'm not counting my chickens before they are hatched. Just leaving my options open and seeing nothing but good things for my life this year. :)
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
OMGOSH!!! I'm getting my first serenade. It got mighty hot in that place...LOL
Absolutely no one existed in the bar when he was singing to me.
And then he kissed me...
No clue what I'm thinking here but the "I dream of Jeannie" theme comes to mind.
Only with friends can you be stupid and they still love you.
It's all in the eyes...
Second group shot
Me and my Sabrina. Friends for 10 years!!!
Everyone needs a friend like Joey. LOL
Awww...isn't this too cute?
My Sherri and me
Sunday, March 04, 2007
I went into the store with the mindset of buying 2 bras. After trying on 5...I came out with 3. DAMN!!! They got me with the Angel Collection. If you have never worn a bra from the Angel Collection...I highly suggest you try them. That is like putting your boobs in a cloud. Very nice. :) I did pick up a small bottle of perfume. "Heavenly"...another one of those I highly suggest trying. When all was said and done...I was less $156. It was oh so worth it though. I love VS and nothing will make me change my mind about their bras and panties.
After leaving VS...I headed over to Bath and Body Works. I must be out of my ever lovin' mind. Again...another store I had a mindset on what I was going to purchase. Bloody hell if I didn't get more than what I planned on. I had planned on getting Exotic Coconut and Black Currant/Vanilla lotions. I didn't quite get the Black Currant. BUT!!! I got some great lotions (Exotic Coconut was one) body butter and shower gel. My bank account...a bit lighter but I will be all silky smooth and smelling great.
The girls and I had a great time today so it was all worth it. When I get my credit card bill...I need to read this and remind myself that we had a great time. LOL
Friday, March 02, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
I've hit a bleh spot in life. Nothing really good happening. Nothing really bad happening. I hate that. I did have a horrible moment last night while chatting with a friend of mine. While I know he was trying to get me to smile it was starting to really irritate me. Since my views on life have changed it seems that everyone believes I need to be up all the time and never have a down moment. I'm sorry but I am human. I still get upset over things. I still get bummed about things. I even cry sometimes. Ok...that isn't often. I do try to find the positive in a negative situation and I'm pretty good at it. It's taken me a long time to get to where I'm for the most part a very happy person. But people need understand I cannot always be cheery and happy 100% of the time. Things do get to me. I get angry, I get frustrated and I will vent about whatever the situation is. I feel as if I have been put upon a pedestal that I truly do not want to be on. I do want to be viewed as the one people can come to and count on in a crisis but I also want to be viewed as human and I can falter/stumble/have emotions just as others do. If I am to ever truly open up and be a person who isn't viewed as cold and incapable of emotions...please let me find that within myself again. Don't expect Miss Polly Primrose all of the time. Let me be me...whoever that is.
Monday, February 26, 2007
I came into work today all bleh. I have a desk calendar on my desk...fancy that will you? It is "Insight from the Dalai Lama". What would Saturday's insight be? Let me share it...
"To be aware of a single shortcoming within oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in somebody else. Rather than speaking badly about people and in ways that will produce only friction and unrest in their lives, we should preactice a purer perception of them, and when we speak of others, speak of their good qualities. If you find yourself slandering anybody, first imagine that your mouth is filled with excrement. It will break you of the habit quickly enough."
WOW!!! Can you say that I'm actually glad that the post went into the blog abyss? Seeing how the woman I do not like continues to read this blog...I'm sure that all hell would have broken loose. Granted...I said nothing bad about her but you know how narcissists are. It's all about them and no one is ever hurt by their actions.
I do have a difficult time in finding good qualities in certain people. I really do...especially when they do nothing but hurt people and think nothing of their actions. Try as I might...can't find the good. I know that one day I may see it but for now...I can't. I know I will never be like the Dalai but it is nice to be able to strive to live the way he says we should.
Friday, February 16, 2007
This whole thing has me a bit freaked out. I teared up abit while driving back to Sherri's but regained my composure. I don't want to lose it yet. I don't want to lose it at all. I need to be strong throughout all of this. This is my life and I've become so strong in the past couple of years. I can't fail myself now. Dr. Monson fully understands my worries though seeing how we don't know my entire family history. I'm a high risk with having a birth mother who was premenopausal breast cancer but I'm even higher without the knowledge of my grandmother or aunts medical history. I only know my birth mothers. I know nothing of my birth fathers history. To be perfectly honest...I will listen to the genetic doctor. I will ask a million questions but I have to be honest with myself. Do I want to take a medicine that could have some serious adverse effects on me or do I just want to have my breasts removed and alleviate the fears? I have another 3 weeks to wait before I know. In the meantime...I will do all the research I can. At this point...it's all I can do.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
After years of throughly disliking this person I befriended her. Even against the advice of many who said she will one day stab me in the back like she has done to everyone who enters her life. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and chose to believe there was good in her. That was not a good choice for my life. It is the one thing in life I regret. We shouldn't have regrets in life and for the most part...I don't. None but her. While I learned some very valuable lessons through my experiences with her I can't help but think that maybe I could have learned them in other ways.
I need to face that I made a very unwise decision in trusting this person. Even though, through her, I've learned that not all people are trustworthy and if given the chance there are people will use you and stab you in the back. Maybe it was my life's plan to befriend this woman. That I was meant to have her hurt me so I could learn that not everyone is looking out for my best interests. No matter if they say they are my friend, want the best for me and love me.
Life is difficult at best. Our choices make us who we are. Our thoughts, whether concious or subconcious, bring our lifes lessons and experiences to fruition. At the time the friendship began my thoughts of what I deserved brought exactly that into my life. Even though I didn't voice them, they became my reality. I didn't believe I deserved true friends who would never hurt me no matter what I did. Even though it was a subconcious thought and I would have never admitted that. Upon reflection of the past few years I can say that is exactly what I thought and basically brought my thoughts into reality. WOW!!! How revealing is that??? There is that lightbulb. LOL
Do I still regret the woman who brought incredible hurt into my life? After writing this and really looking at it...not so much. My regret of her will not disappear overnight. I can honestly say it has diminished with this post. I believe that in time she will no longer be one of the major negative forces in my life. I believe that one day I will not be happy that her life is in shambles. For now...Karma is doing enough to her without me giving it my precious energy. Karma doesn't need my help. LOL
Friday, February 09, 2007
With just what little I had heard yesterday on Oprah I learned that I had been implementing "the secret" for awhile now. That came as a complete shock to me. It's such a simple thing. Something everyone is capable of doing. If it is so easy...why don't we do it? That is the million dollar question.
Please check out the website. It's not any "cult" thing or religious thing. It's a life thing. A thing that can totally and completely change who you are and where your life is going. What have you got to lose? Nothing. What have you to gain? Everything!!! :)
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
In my daily musings...something crossed my mind that really got me to thinking. Why do people feel the need to be bullies and gossip mongers? It is a subject I ponder on from time to time. Today...I think I found an answer. At least an answer that I can appreciate and understand. Please understand...this post is not about any one person. It is just from my lifes experiences and my thoughts.
Why do people bully? Is it from their environment and just the way they were raised or from a lifetime of being the one who was bullied? I think both. I wasn't really bullied when I was growing up. I was made fun of about my looks when I was in junior high and my maiden name was just great fodder for picking on me. For the most part though...I was well liked by everyone in grade school and high school. I didn't make fun of anyone. I may have from time to time but I tried to not make a habit of it but being a teenager...it's going to happen. I had friends in all peer groups. I am now an adult and making fun of people is not something I will do. I still sometimes do say a snide comment from time to time out of sheer frustration.
I have been the subject of being bullied and gossiped about for going on 10 years. Until today...I never really understood why. I used to be a smartass and say I was the center of these people's universe. Today I really thought about people who do those things. My own theory is that these individuals have been the subject of being bullied and gossiped about for the majority of their lives. They will be damned if someone is going to get them so they lash out in ways that really make no bit of sense. They do and say anything they can, whether that is a lie or the truth stretched to it's limit, to make themselves look good and in a positive light. Call if a defense mechanisim if you will. They have lived their lives being the subject of ridicule and bullying. They are not wanting to be in that position any longer so what do they do? They attack before someone attacks them. I've been in the position of wanting to attack before someone attacks me. It's an ugly place to be. It says a lot about self esteem or lack thereof. The self esteem is so battered and beaten that logic is not a part of who a person is. It is an act not react position.
This brings me to sitting in on judgement of people. Being a judge means getting all sides to a story so you can make an educated decision upon the subject at hand. It is the only way a person can judge anything...regardless of what it is. You can't sit back and say that Starbucks is the worst coffee ever if you have never tasted it. You cannot judge it. You cannot say that Phantom of the Opera sucks if you haven't seen it. You cannot say that a person is horrible, crazy and hateful if you have never met them. You don't know them. We as a society deem it ok to judge people based upon limited information and not getting the whole story. We toss judgements around like they are nothing. To the person judging...they may be nothing. To the person being judged...it could be devastating.
I've often wondered what is the point in gossip? I'm not innocent of being a gossip. I've done my share. Why do we do it though? Is there any particular reason? Is it to make ourselves feel better that someone else is faltering in their lives and they are suffering? I have to think yes. As horrible as this may sound and will make me sound like a complete bitch...I get a certain warm fuzzy feeling when people who have hurt me have major trials in their lives and are suffering. My first thought is '"GOOD!!! They deserve it!!!" I think it's human nature. Everyone does it and not one person is exempt. It's just who we are.
Self esteem...it's a huge thing. If even the smallest measurement of it is missing...we are not whole and not who we are meant to be. Our self esteem lies within ourselves and not what others think or perceive us to be. We should not allow the bullies, gossip mongers and judgement passers tell us what and who we are. Until we own our self esteem...it will continued to be cut away bit by bit until there is nothing left of who we started out as. A wonderful woman once said this and I have to fully agree with it. She said that when someone is getting to you and causing you to be upset and not who you truly are...say these two words "I'M DONE". I've said that many times in my life since. It's quite freeing and very liberating to say it. But...know that these two words are very strong and must not be taken lightly. When you say them...mean them. Once you do...your life is your own.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
I have a kind of date on Saturday. My company party is on Saturday and my dear sweet Darren is going to take me. NO!!!! Not that one. Oh please...definately not that one. I haven't lost my last braincell yet. :) I'm wearing my little black dress, black hose and black heels. Can you say I will just look all sexified? I have the cutest sparkly silver purse which will make the ensemble just pop. :) Add some pretty earrings and a simple necklace and I'm all that and a bag of chips. Ok...for those of you who know me....you know full on that I'm kidding!!! Not about the party but me being all that and a bag of chips. LOL I shall post pics after the party. Can't wait can ya? ;)
Friday, January 05, 2007
A WINTER STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 4 PM THIS AFTERNOON TO 12 PM PST SATURDAY.
LIGHT TO MODERATE SNOW WILL DEVELOP LATER THIS AFTERNOON AND WILL BECOME HEAVY AT TIMES TONIGHT. TOTAL SNOW ACCUMULATION BY SATURDAY MORNING SHOULD RANGE FROM 5 TO 9 INCHES. GUSTY WINDS MAY CAUSE AREAS OF BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOW.
A WINTER STORM WARNING IS ISSUED WHEN SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF SNOW...SLEET... AND ICE ARE EXPECTED OR OCCURRING. STRONG WINDS ARE ALSO POSSIBLE. THIS WILL MAKE TRAVEL VERY HAZARDOUS...SO EXERCISE EXTREME CAUTION.
If you didn't know....I HATE WINTER!!!!!!!!!!!