Skip to main content


Showing posts from 2008

Observing and it's a small town *updated*

I learned on Saturday night just how small this town is. Ya'all remember the guy I dated last year (2007) right? Ok...there were two of them. The one I'm talking about here was the last one. R. I won't say his name. I won't smear my blog with his name again. :) Anyway...I have not run into him at all in the last year. That is a lovely thing. Saturday night my lovely moments were not so much a lovely thing. A friend and I decided to go out to Applebee's for appetizers and drinks. They have the most wonderful Pomegranate Margaritas. You should try them. should. I digress...sorry about that. I got to the restaurant after my friend so I wandered into the dining room and spotted her so what do I do? Well I wander up to her and say HI!!! Not in a quiet way. That is just not me. I'm a boistrous type of person but ya'll already know that right? :)

I sit down and order a drink...Pom Margarita in case you hadn't figured that out…

You have got to be freaking kidding me!!!

9am - Snowing like you would not believe. Huge...I mean...HUGE...flakes.

Noon - sun shining, blue sky, warming up, snow melting. Much better.

3pm - Snow!!!! Wind!!! Freaking cold!!! Snow is not supposed to fall sideways!!! Seriously...just 15 minutes ago the sky was clear and blue. Now? Flags outside of my window are holding on for dear life. Snow is falling SIDEWAYS!!! What in the bloody blazes is going on with this weather???

Look back at my previous post. See that beautiful hotel? See the palm trees? Only 94 days and I'll be there!!! It cannot come soon enough. can't.

UPDATE from when I posted just 2 minutes ago:

Snowing, gray sky, SUN SHINING!!!! I'll let you figure that one out.

Look close

See this...?

This is where I will be in 101 days. It cannot come soon enough. *soooooo cold!!!!!!*


It is December 22. Only the beginning of winter. I'm done with winter now. For the past 2 or 3 weeks we have been dealing with absolutely ridiculous temps. I believe it was last week we were -14 with the wind chill. Did you read that right??? NEGATIVE 14!!! That my friends is just not right. There is just no earthly reason why the temps need to get that low. I cannot for the life of me figure out the good things behind it. What was God thinking when He said "Let there be sub zero temperatures"? When I get to heaven I'm going to have a chat with Him about it.

Aside from the weather...all is well within my little home. It's just me and the critters until Thursday though. Kids are gone for a week. Kinda nice. Kinda lonely. I've been falling asleep in my recliner because I don't want to go to bed. How stupid is that? It's not like I've always had someone in my bed. For some odd reason though...since the kids have left...I don't l…

Thanks Nell!!!

Now if only humans could be this compassionate...


I won't get into it but if you watch this video you just might get the gist of it.

And with that...I am so done. Tired of the games, the leading on, and hurting my heart. It's insane and there is not one man on this planet who is worth all of that. I don't look for these guys. They find me. Well I'm hiding in my cave never to be seen in daylight again by someone who has a penis. This heart is now cold and shut solid.

PS...Love this song and it totally fits where I am at right now. Not a snowball's chance in hell will my mind be changed about any and all men...this is what ALL of them are.

I loved making this...

How you live

Wake up to the sunlight with your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress, use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
And have what you want, but want what you have
And don't spend your life looking back

Turn up the music Turn it up loud
Take a few chances and let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Looking back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
So go to the ballgames and go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children, dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth 'cause you can't get away, oh no
Face it and you'll be okay

Oh, wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy, and pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think…

Get money back when you shop!!!

I wanted to tell you about Ebates, a shopping site that gives you up to 26% Cash Back every time you shop online. You can shop at over 1000 stores including Barnes &, Gap, Target, and Expedia. Plus you get additional savings with exclusive coupons, free shipping offers, and limited-time sales! Seriously!!! I've done some of my Christmas shopping this way and while I'm not making a fortune...every little bit counts in today's economy. They cut checks 4 times a year so with the purchases you make now will be money in your pocket in February. Who knows what else you may buy between now and then. :) You really have nothing to lose and $$$ to gain.

Sign up with Ebates today and we'll each get a $5 bonus when you make your first purchase!

Click here to sign up:

Happy shopping!

Need to remember this...

especially right now...

The Shack

Want a good read? Want to have your life changed? Want to view God in a way you have never viewed him? I guarantee that you will not want to put this book down. Even if you are not a religious person...of which I am NOT...this book has completely changed my life. It is not a book on religion. Read it. You will not regret it.


I do not like them. The crawly kind of the ones that get into your immune system and totally shut you down. Oh my gosh!!! I had the stomach flu on Tuesday and I thought I was going to die. I even told Brittney, a girl I work with, to tell my boss "Tell Steven I'm going to die". It sucked!!! Stomach cramps, fever, body aches that were worse than I have ever had and I won't get started on the other things that I went through that day. Holy cow Tuesday bit it HUGE!!! I thank God that it was only a 24 hour bug and I was much better yesterday. Still have a cramp from time to time and eating is not high on my list of things to do but other than that...I'm all hunkie dorie. :)

Can you believe that Thanksgiving is next week??? Hello?!?!?! Where did the year go??? I can't say that I'm sad that 2008 is almost over. It hasn't been a fabulous year for me. Not the worst year I've had but all of the medical stuff has put me in a funk for the major…


I'll warn you now...have a tissue ready for this one. Nell didn't have that disclaimer when I watched it on her blog. Thanks Nell. LOL


Can someone explain to me where fall went? It was here. I know it was. I saw the perty leaves. I felt the crisp mornings but comfortable afternoons. Was it all in my imagination because fricking winter has shown up!!! No snow yet but it's in the air. It is unbelievably cold. I hate being cold but then again...ya'all already knew that. My office has windows the size of San Francisco so you can only imagine the cold taking refuge at my desk. I turn the heater on and I can't hear my music...which brings me to a new artist I have found. I am just amazed at this girl's voice. She sounds a lot like Sarah B on this song but the rest of the CD is fabulous. Check her out at:

Here is the first song I ever heard of hers. I'll be buying the CD. That was a duh statement wasn't it? ;)

Hold fast

One of my all time favorite singers is Michael W. Smith. I've listened to him from the age of 18 The results of the elections last night has really made me think about a lot of things. Where my life is and where I am heading it. No one is placing me on the road I am on. I'm doing it to myself. I'm living my life for me and I'm making such a mess of things. I'm not completely unhappy with my life. I'm doing the best I can but keeping my head just above water is not the way to live. To worry constantly about things is not the way to live. To have the fear of breast cancer foremost in my mind is not the way I want to live. I need more. I need something I can hold onto. To see the light at the end of the tunnel. To know that I am loved unconditionally and the only requirement for me to have complete happiness and know that there is so much more for me in life is to give Him my life. He wants nothing more from me but to love Him and…


As we all know...McCain did not win the Presidential election. I was watching the elections last night and it was amazing how quickly things changed. wasn't even a close race from the beginning but I thought I could flip through channels before someone got to 270. I flipped the channel and when I went back to MSNBC...less than 5 minutes was over. I will admit that I teared up. Not from happiness but disappointment and disgust. Our new president elect is not the man I was hoping would be in office. While neither of them were the best choice as our Commander in was a little better. That candidate did not win. Our country voted based upon race. Not for what the man stood for. I've heard how people voted for him just because he is black. They didn't even know what his stance on issues were. are you flipping kidding me??? You vote a man into the highest office in the country just because he is black? Our country is in a lot of …


Have a safe and fabulous Halloween!!!

Smart little Stitch

Things are progressing here. I've made some calls and the ball is rolling. I'm so relieved that we are going to get the help our house needs. All 3 of us have some serious healing to do. I believe that once that occurs we will be a stronger and closer little family than we could ever think was possible. As Stitch says "This is my family. It's little...and broken...but still good. Yeah...still good"

Hidden pain

Yesterday was a rough day. A lot of talking and crying. It breaks my heart to see my daughter in so much pain. What really cuts into my heart and soul is that I have caused part of her pain. I know that I have a lot of wrong things with her. Things that were done out of anger towards her father and his household. All I can do is apologize to her for those wrongs and I did do that yesterday. It was a difficult thing to admit to myself. I know I'm not a perfect mom and I will admit to my faults. To know that I am part to blame for how angry my daughter is just tears me up. My anger and frustration with her father should have never been put upon her shoulders. I feel so guilty and I need to find a way to work through that.

I'm calling to set up some counseling for her. At least she agreed to that. I was so thankful by the time the conversation was done. It was a civilized talk and no yelling. That is a first for us. Maybe we are both growing up and learning. It's going to be a…

Amazing when you go to the source

I just got off of the phone with the one woman I try to not talk to. K's stepmother. I had called her father and got his voicemail. It's October and he is usually gone hunting. When I spoke with the SM I found out something quite interesting. Seems that the blatant disregard for rules is not just in my home. It's in theirs also. The SM is a nurse and sometimes she is on-call. A duh statement right? Apparently that doesn't matter with K. Last time she was at their house she snuck the phone into her bedroom and was making phone calls after 10pm. Excuse me??? That is a no-no in my home and from what I know of her's the same rule. No late night phone calls. Especially when someone is on-call for their job. I asked the SM to please keep the lines of communication open with me as I am very worried about K. I told her that I've read some emails that K has written about her boyfriend and her which are very concerning to me. I also asked tha…

Vodka and a straight jacket anyone?

If you have the above please send them to me. I am a mom to an almost 14 year old girl. She has a boyfriend whom I have yet to meet. He did get help get her in trouble today. They were holding hands at school and that is a no-no. This was the second time they were caught. A referral soon followed. Detention will be going hand in hand with that referral. That referral also warranted a phone call to me here at work. I'm a pissed off mom.

My daughter is spiraling out of hand at this point. Her boyfriend is touching her in places no 14 year old should be touching. Friends are daring her to touch his...dare I say it....balls while they are in between classes. She is talking about making out with him with her friends. Am I worried? Oh you have no idea. She is working very hard on obtaining a reputation at school and it won't be a good one.

I was informed by my teenager yesterday that she is embarrassed by me and the fact that we are poor. She is angry at me because I…

Decisions and just what do I do?

Went to see the surgeon yesterday. Thankfully it was at the end of the day instead of the beginning. At least I got to enjoy the day before my mind became a mush pot. Lots of details, explanations and different routes to take with this surgery. Right now I'm so messed up in my head and overwhelmed with the decisions I need to make. Difficult decisions that I really wish I wasn't making on my own. I wish I had a husband to talk to. Even a boyfriend would be nice. Someone I could bounce thoughts off of and get his thoughts. I know that ultimately it's my decision but to have someone who loves me and is standing behind me in all that I do would be a great help. I have my friends and they have been amazing. I just hate burdening them with this crap when they have their own lives and issues to contend with. Mark with his damage from hurricane Ike for instance. That is a big thing for him. He doesn't need my whining when he has big stuff going on also.

Being a single mom isn&…

Yes? No?

That would be a big fat...


I called the doctor's office today and the nurse was out but the nurse who answered the phone gave me the results. On the right there are fibrocystic masses. Well that was news to me!!! On the left there are masses and while they weren't fibrocystic they did not present as worrisome to the doctor. YEAH!!! I did leave a message to have my nurse call me. I'm still going through with the bilateral mastectomy. I CANNOT go through this stress every 6 months or even every year. It was and is just too much for me to handle.

I'm really thinking I want to wait until after our trip to Vegas in April. I guess it all depends on when I can get the reconstruction. Save that subject for after my conversation with Kristi. :) For now...


Just when you think...

That all is find that little bit of faith you thought you lost in humanity. Today I was given just a bit of my lost faith back. A woman that I met at the church I used to attend (yes...I used to go to church...wipe that shocked look off of your face...sheesh) saw me walking into work today so she had to yell at me to get my attention. I was focused don't ya know? She wanted to know what was going on and how I was doing. I told her about the MRI on Friday and where things stood with that. She asked if I had health insurance and was stunned to find out that I didn't and can't even get help through the state without quitting my job. She said she is keeping me in her prayers and then said she is going to get to work on a fundraiser for me. HUH? What did you say? I said FUNDRAISER! My pride was pushed aside and accepted her offer. How can I not? I'm facing medical bills that will meet or exceed $20,000. Hello. I don't make that much in 2 freak…

Friday October to Seattle I go

Yep...I am heading to Seattle on the 10th. Not for any kinds of fun and excitement though. Well...I will be a little loopy after noon that day. I'm going in for my MRI. Seeing how I am completely and totally claustrophobic...they are going to drug me. A "mild" sedative. Whatever. That is what they said when I was heading in for my hyster. Once they introduced the sedative into my IV I was out before they even wheeled me to the door. I'm a serious pansyass when it comes to medication. One vicodin and I'm out. WHEE!!! So with that said...I will be bringing someone to drive me home. Hopefully I will be back to normal after a 2 1/2 hour drive.

Once the MRI is out of the way and my Doc has read it I will be scheduling the surgery. I've decided that if there isn't cancer to be found...I will put off surgery until after April. I will be off of work for 2 weeks and I will have one week vacation coming to me in April. Not getting paid for a week i…

Crocodile rock

Don't even tell me ya'all don't remember that song. It's on the radio right now and I'm remembering when life was so much easier. No worries other than the Friday night game and dances at the civic center. Being 17 was such an amazing year for me. I loved being carefree and living life to the fullest. I had a lot of friends, my drivers license, a car and my parents would give me money for gas, going out and clothes. No bills and no expenses I had to pay on my own. Yes...I was spoiled. I didn't have to work and could sleep in on the weekends without kids or a dog yelling at me. Medical concerns weren't even part of my thought processes. Now it's almost 25 years later and those carefree, no responsibility days are long gone.

Last night I was laying in bed thinking about where my life is heading in the next few months. Never in my 41 years did I imagine taking the road I am on. Don't get me wrong...I'm not regretting making the decision I have made.…

What to think...?

I have so many different things going through my head. To learn that I'm going to be able to get the MRI and then surgery has really put my mind in a spin. I never truly thought it would happen. I had given up. Then from out of nowhere an angel kisses my forehead. That kiss has put me in a position I am truly thankful for but...terrified to be in. With all of the roadblocks I've hit in trying to pay for this stuff I didn't prepare myself for when it happened. It's overwhelming but in a good way.

While talking to the nurse the other day I forgot to ask her some questions. Yes...the fear factor kicked in. One question just rolled into another and another and another. I only wanted to know what the recovery time would be. After multiple surgeries on my tummy I figured it was going to be at least 6 weeks. When she told me 2 weeks at the most, I just about fell off of my chair. Really? I can do 2 weeks. No problem. With the kids, Natalie and possibly Wendy du…

MRI's and removals

I got a call from my nurse today. Found out a few things. One...The breast and cervical health program does not help pay for MRI's. I knew this. What I didn't know was...if the MRI finds that there is any cancer within one of the lumps they will pay for my surgery. Seriously. That is what they said. I was stunned. So with that said...I will be getting my MRI sometime really soon. Even if there isn't cancer cells in the lumps I will continue with my plan to remove my breasts. I can apply for Compassionate Care through the hospital where I'll have the surgery and get the bill decreased or possibly paid off.

So for those of you who do not believe in are now witnessing one. :)

More than one way to skin a cat

I don't get that saying. How can you skin a cat more than one way? Seriously. Anyway...there is a point to that saying in this instance. While looking at my website I saw an advertisement at the top for government grants. Me being the inquisitive one...I decided to do some checking. Looks like there are legitimate programs out there which are government run who hand out money left and right in the form of grants. I like that word. Grant. Grant means no paying it back. Always a good thing. So my infinite wisdom thought "Well why can't the government grant me some money?" I'm a single mom. I'm uninsured in regards to healthcare. I'm below the poverty level. I should be able to get some help.

I've also decided to apply for Habitat for Humanity. I'm just hoping that if I'm chosen that the house will be out in the area I live in. I really don't want to change school districts for the kids. We will see how the meeting g…


People can change. I have witnessed it and experienced it. Take me for I the same woman I was 4 years ago? Not even remotely close. Honestly? I have no clue who that woman was. All I can remember about her was that she was extremely unhappy and did not see any way out of her unhappiness. Thankfully there were some friends who held onto her, stuck by her side while she was making stupid mistakes knowing full well that she was hurting and reacting from that pain and they helped her see the light at the end of the tunnel. That woman died sometime in the past 4 years. I cannot honestly tell you when because it was a gradual death. Bit by bit she stopped breathing and the woman who I am today took over.

Change does not happen overnight. A person cannot become who they were meant to be in a 24 hour time span. It takes mistakes, successes, enlightenment and support from people who love them. Through that growth period there are going to be people who drop out of the…

Is today Monday?

Seriously. Not one bloody thing has gone right today. Hair is awful. Clothes I wanted to wear looked horrible on me. Payroll check was minus a week because I was sick. A girl here in the office ate my lunch. She offered me her leftover sushi. WTF? I don't even like sushi. Isn't today just lovely?

I spoke with the nurse at the clinic today about my MRI and surgery. She is doing some checking to see what resources I have to get the MRI. She told me that the surgery can be sent through the compassionate care program at the hospital. It's a program that will either pay off the bill or lower it based upon income. I'm not stressed about the surgery. I'm stressed about not being able to get the fricking MRI!!! I did ask the nurse why the need for the MRI before surgery and she said so the doctor will know which way to go. If there are cancerous cells then he would remove the breasts and then proceed with chemo. No cancerous cells? Just remove the breasts and let me hea…

Weekends are meant for family, friends, fairs and Phantom

Ok...Phantom starts with a P but it sounds like an F. Cut me some slack ok? Sheesh. The weekend was amazing aside from a bit of a situation with a 9 year old prima donna. We moved past it though. At least for the weekend. Good heavens I hope this is just a stage she is going through.

The drive to Seattle was uneventful but gorgeous. I love driving over Snoqualmie when the leaves are starting to change their colors. Lunch in North Bend with a short trip into "Coach" and then we headed to Sabrina's. What??? Do you honestly think I won't go into a purse store? Please. After what seemed like forever...we meaning me...of doing the hair we were off to dinner. Look at this picture:

Yes...I had to put my hair up. I just had to do a little experiment and see what would happen. It happened. Sabrina and I both noticed it. Stares and lots of double takes. It's official. I look like Sarah Palin. Even a client came into the office yesterday looking at me and then said &q…

A must listen

After lots of research and talking to a man whom I thought was my uncle...I find out that the man whom I thought was my "father" was infact sterile. He passed away when I was 19 so I will never be able to talk to him about it. My birth mother slept around and apparently there were 2 men she slept with in July 1966. Seeing how the man she said was my father really isn't...I deducted that the other one is my father. He has a son named JR. I learned through my sister that he is a country singer trying to make it in Nashville. I added JR to my Myspace and have since found out that there are some major recording labels who are really interested in him. I am so impressed with him and if he truly is my brother (which in my heart I've always felt that he was...I learned of him when I was 19) then I will be the proudest sister around. Give him a listen. He is quite good and I truly hope and pray he makes it big. :)

Pancakes and POTO

This weekend is going to be one I have looked forward to for months. I bought tickets to see Phantom back in June so you can only guess that it's been driving me batty just waiting for Sept 12th. Once I see this show it will be the 3rd time. I have only 2 more productions of POTO to see and I'll be happy. Broadway and London. I was thinking that seeing it on Broadway on a Thursday night, fly out to London on Friday and see the show on Saturday. Wouldn't that just be too cool for words? Well...for me it would be. Duh.

Next Saturday I have a date. *gasp* I KNOW!!! Can you believe it? Neither can I. He lives in Bellevue (2 hours away) so I offered to meet him halfway. It is only fair. Besides...if the date isn't working out I can always say that I need to head home before it gets too late. See? I'm using my noodle. We chatted on the phone last night and I told him that I wanted pancakes for our dinner. He laughed and said that was a great idea. No p…

Uncanny or what...?

It has been brought to my attention that I look like a certain VP candidate. What do you think?

Everywhere I turn...

I'm seeing signs of fall. Even some of the leaves have begun to change. Summer is still trying to hold on and you can see it gasping it's last breath as the cooler weather begins to take over. I love fall more than any other season. Spring does come in a close second.

Such different opposing seasons. Spring is a new beginning. Wildlife babies being born. Flowers peeking through the thawing ground to soak in the new sun. Windows being opened in homes to let in the fresh air. A time of waking from winter's slumber.

Fall is the last breath of life. Trees take on a new coat of color with the changing of the leaves. Flowers begin to wither and pass on. In all of that there is the awakening of the senses as scents such as nutmeg, clove and cinnamon take over kitchens as chef's, professional and family, being to produce such wonders as apple tarts, pumpkin pie, and cinnamon rolls. Here in Yakima the Central Washington State Fair begins the end of September. When …

Did someone say Vegas?

I've got an itch and the only thing that can scratch it is....go to Vegas for my birthday. It's going to be my 2nd anniversary of my 40th year. I want to do something fun. So...I sent out emails to all of my girlfriends that I had emails for and put out the word. So far it's been all positive and everyone thinks it's a great idea. My last little excursion to Vegas was more of a "OMG...I feel like a queen" type of trip. I want to experience Vegas as a "poor" girl this time. LOL I'm not complaining about my last trip. Heavens no!!! I had such an amazing time and it was an experience of a lifetime. One I will always cherish and to be I wasn't sure I deserved. The whole trip was like a dream and I still can't believe I was the one who lived it.

I got an email this weekend from a dear friend of mine who is in the medical field. She is going to do some researching and see if there is a doctor who will do my surgery at…


I was thinking on the way to work about the friendships I have had throughout my years on this big blue marble. I have a very small circle of friends and like it that way. People that I can safely say have my back and I can trust. I sometimes add to that circle but it's not often. Too much betrayal from my past prevents that.

Everyone makes friends from the moment they step foot into school. Some friendships last through the schooling process. Most of them end. While I am not close to one man I've known since Kindergarten...I can safely say he is a friend. The friends we make in high school, I believe, are the ones who you will have a lifetime. Not all of them mind you but a select few will remain through the trials and tribulations of your life.

While going through this thing we call life we meet people. Some stick around and become your closest friends and allies. Some stick around long enough to betray you, cause you to question humanity and your own choices. Most cross our p…

You know you wanna giggle...

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood !

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path

4. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's

5. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick

6. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.

7. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

8. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko..

9. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.

10. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite.

11. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.

12. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.

13. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers.

14. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog.

15. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? San…

So many thoughts...

I seriously need to put a notepad in my purse, in my car and anywhere else I am. I had some fabulously fabulous blog thoughts today and do you know where they are? Well they certainly are not in my noggin. If they are in my noggin'...they are in the deep recesses. For the life of me I cannot remember any of them.

School starts on Tuesday. Can I hear a "WHOOPIE!!!"? The kids are going stircrazy and their phone calls to me at work are driving me up a friggin' wall. "MOM!!! She took the remote. MOM!!! She won't let me watch my show. MOM!!! I sneezed and she didn't say bless you." It doesn't matter what crisis crops up...I get a phone call. Good grief I am glad school is starting. This mama needs a break!!!

I'm feeling lost now that my layout is done. *sniff* I had purpose when I was looking for a cool layout. When fixing it to read how I wanted it to read. Now? Wandering and so lost in my little world. What is a person to do? I even changed the l…

Meme seen at Nell's

(It’s Harder than you think)

Where is your cellphone? here
Describe your significant other? huh?
Your hair? looong
Your mother? uptight
Your father? unhappy
What is your favorite gadget? cell
What did you dream last night? didn’t
What do you prefer to drink? pepsi
Dream car? chevelle
What room are you currently in? Office
Your ex (if you have one)? p*ick
Your biggest fear? poverty
What do you want to be in 10 years? comfortable
Who did you spend last night with? kids
What are you not? happy
The last thing you did? this
What are you wearing? sweater
Favorite book? Phantom
The last thing you ate? cereal
Your life? eh
Your mood? tired
Your best friends? loyal
What are you thinking about right now? sleepy
Your car? messy
What are you doing right now? typing
Your summer? hot
Marital status? alone
What is on your TV right now? Off
When did you last laugh? today
When did you last cry? yesterday
School? done


See something different about my page? I'm sure you do. Whatcha think? Good or should I go back to the pink one? Thoughts?

3 but it needs to be 5

See this?

I'll be seeing the whole thing in 3 weeks...on Seattle. Jealous yet? I know I would be if I were you. ;)

This will be my 3rd time seeing it. I only need to see it in NYC on Broadway and in London. Then I'll be completely happy. Well...if Gerard was thrown into one of those showing I would be ecstatic. :) A girl can dream can't she?

Summer is over!!! *updated*

I don't care what the calendar says...fall is in the air and I'm thrilled!!! I have been down the last week with the summer cold from hell. I cannot even begin to remember when I have been that sick. I've been bedridden before but it was because of surgeries. Not a cold. Seriously!!! A COLD!!! Death would have been warmer than what this thing was. Miserable...completely miserable. I am now feeling 100% better than what I was last week at this time. Not fully recouped but good enough to go to work.

I am so glad summer is almost over. The kids go back to school next Tuesday and life returns to normal. The only bad thing about that is my hours are going to be cut back a bit. Business tends to slow down from September until January. It's odd but that happens throughout this valley. Even when I was working in restaurants business went way down in the fall and winter. I'm not really complaining though. I'm only cutting back to short days on the days my oldest has voll…

Lesson best learned and not told

I should not have gotten out of bed on Monday. Not one thing this week has gone well. I had a feeling with Tuesday being bad that the rest of the week was not going to shape into a happy fountain.

Last night I was dealt a situation that has been typical of the household where my oldest daughter resides or in their words...visits....every other weekend. The SM chose to discuss something with my daughter when in all actuality it should have been brought up to me first. Since that lack of good judgement on the SM's part...I have been told by my daughter that I created the drama (which was created by the SM...not me), I need to grow up, I need to get along with the SM. Here is the clincher. She told me that the SM is a good person and is decent. WHAT THE FUCK??? Seriously. I needed to just say that. Her statement required me saying it full on and not just WTF. (SM = stepmonter. SD = spermdonor_

I have learned in the course of 2 hours that the SD and SM want to get along wit…

It might be you

If you are an 80's child you will know that my title is the love song from "Tootsie". I'm sitting here surfing through youtube for some unknown reason. Maybe it's because I am bored out of my mind and taking a trip back to when life was much simpler helps me forget the things I'm facing now. I listen to this song and instantly I am transported back to my sophomore year. I was 15 years old, in a new school and life was full of teenage things. Dances, friends, boys and fast food that didn't take up residence on my hips.

I've been talking to a man who was someone I dated (I'm using dated very loosely here) when I was in 7th grade. He was so cute then but I broke up with him. Dven then I felt weird about the attention he was giving me. I'm seeing where my running from relationships had it's origins and tender beginnings. He found me and contacted me a couple of years ago. I had not heard from him or seen him since my late teens. Now,…

A last resort

I have created a website, which was a last resort but I'm at that point. Please go look at it and send it along to everyone you know and urge them to do the same. Maybe this will finally get me on a road I need to be on and take care of my medical issues once and for all. Thank you sooo much!!!

Aesthetic right?

It's getting to me. I just can't deal with the lump that reminds me of it's presence everyday. Yes, it's the original one from a couple of years ago but it has grown. At my last appointment my doctor found a second lump in the same breast. He and I had discussed prophylactic surgery at that point. A surgery I have thought long and hard about. It is one I want to proceed with. I'm sure you are saying "what is prophylactic surgery?". Here is a link to provide you with that information. The only thing I have to do before he will do the surgery is get an MRI. It has been 5 months since we had that conversation and I have yet to do the MRI.

Before anyone starts yelling at me and chewing me out...let me say that I don't have health insurance nor was I working fulltime. I cancelled the appointment and promptly tried to put it out of my mind. It has been lately that it's reared it's ugly head within my thoughts. I made a phone call today …

Case of the blues and all that jazz

Sometimes life is just not nice. Just when I think that all is well within my world...I get a heavy does of reality and reminded of just how fricking small this town is. On August 16th I'm going to a community fund raiser called "A case of the blues and all that jazz". It's a huge event that has been taking place since 1993. I was talked into going by Margaret *glaring at her with little eyes...*. She hates seeing me sitting home alone and becoming a hermit. I love her for that but...this is one event I'm just not wanting to go to now. You see...while I was all excited about going I just found out that the backstabbing, two-faced bitch who "was" my friend for 26 years is going to be there. Lovely.

Now to figure out just what to do. Do I show up to an event where there is a lot of alcohol and chance it or do I just give Margaret the $40 for the ticket and keep my butt at home...avoiding any and all drama that could happen? Ya know...none of this…

I can see clearly now...

This was a weekend I'm thankful has passed. It wasn't a "OMG!!! That was the worst weekend ever!!!" type of thing. There was just some drama that could have been avoided and me not feeling at the top of my game. I'm not going to get into how I'm feeling because...well to be honest...I'm really not sure about it. It's a health thing so please don't think I'm stressing over a relationship or other such nonsense. That statement leads me to this...

I was watching PS I Love You this weekend for about the millionth time. has Gerard in it and we all know how much I love that man but I digress. I was really watching the movie. Not for the entertainment value but for the analytical value. Sabrina...stop rolling your eyes. LOL I was thinking about Holly and how she lost a man she loved with her entire being. Even though they argued and fought, he was her life. Her world. In an instant he was gone. She was left alone. It made me …

A voicemail goes to the root

Wow!!! It's amazing how a friend can see you so clearly even though they don't see you on a daily basis. Maybe that is why they can see who you truly are. I just received a voicemail from Margaret. A voicemail that gave me that "OMG!!! She is right!!!" moment. Her last words were "I don't want you to feel abandoned, rejected, betrayed or anymore of that kind of stuff you have had your whole life." Damn. She can say that to me because she has known me 26 years. she has seen all of it. When clarity really does and not in a soft whisper kind of way. Talk about a wrecking ball sort of feeling. Like I've been socked in the stomach.

There are people in my life who I cling to their friendships like a child clings to it's mother in unfamiliar surroundings. With all that I am I hold onto them. I need them. I'm lost without their constant contact. Not on a daily basis. I'm not that needy. Sabrina is one friend that if I don't hear fro…

Airing drama because it's the only release I have...

*sigh* The day is over. I was told things today that boggled my mind and told things that warmed my heart. The situation with the "friend" went from bad to me realizing what a bitch she truly is. I believe that she has always been a complete bitch but I was never privvy to it. She told me that people do not behave the way I have. Here is what I told her that warranted her statement...


You are right...there is no interest in drama and it is ridiculous. Only I'm the one that should have said it first but I am the type of person who wants answers and does not run away from problems. I will respect your decision to end the friendship in this way. A way that you said would NEVER happen but sadly it has. It is through your own actions that has caused this chain of events. I know that I did nothing to create this situation. All I did was trust you and respect our friendship. Those two precious things are now gone. The trust and respect. I'…

And now they come...

Today has started out on not so great of a note. Since the situation I mentioned yesterday...I have not heard one word from my so called friend. I'm going to use that term very loosely about this woman from now on. She sent me this on Monday at 2:11pm...

"I hate this...
Friday night he asked for my number. We talked the next day for awhile. That night I was out with my brother and friends and ran into him and his friend. We all hung out and we just seem to have a good time together. It seems there is quite an attraction building. He kissed me. I liked it. I am a horrible friend."

That was the last I have heard from her. Today is Wednesday. I had some things in my house that belonged to her. I did not want to be accused of stealing so I packed them into the car to take to her at work. She owns a "doggy daycare" and is always out in the front office. When I showed up...she hid in the back. Well that was just mature of her. I was ticked. I sent her a text saying that…