Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Year end blog

I cannot say that 2009 was a bad year. Actually...it was a really good one.

January - Hated the start of the year. Met someone but found out that he is a womanizer and man-whore. He didn't want anything to do with me when I said I wouldn't have sex with him. I stopped watching the news after that. Yes...he is a well known tv personality here in town.

February - Got serious about finding a new place to live. The house I was in was starting to make me and the kids sick. End of the month I walked into a house that I knew in an instant was going to be my new home.

March - Moved into MY new home. :) Saw "Twilight" for the first time. The addiction began.

April - First GWO was the beginning of the month. Learned that the words "Christian" and "hypocrite" go hand in hand. Someone who couldn't accept me being honest and truthful chose to end our friendship. With that action the weight he left on my heart was lifted.

May - Not a lot happened in May. Jordin turned 10 and that freaked me out a bit. When did my baby grow up?

June - School is out. Oh boy. A full 3 months of hearing "MOM!!! I'm bored!!!" Found out about the "Twilight Cruise" to Alaska. Put my deposit down. :)

July - Went to Vancouver and spent 4th of July weekend with Tina. We took the "Twilight" tour and had a blast!!! I did learn to not have any kind of food at The Viewpoint Inn. Their hamburgers were still moo'ing when they were served to us. Needless to say...I had some tummy issues later in the day.

August - Mom and dad came to visit. I miss them so much. :(

September - My baby girl started high school. When the hell did that happen???

October - My baby girl turned 15. WHAT??? I'm not diggin this at all.

November - After 6 months of planning I had a New Moon party. Went to see New Moon the first of many times. Realized that I will not plan the Eclipse party. Someone else can do it. This planning stuff is exhausting.

December - Had the best Christmas since 2000. Lots of Twilight stuff. :)

All in all...a great year. Next year is shaping up to be even better. A trip to NY, 2nd annual GWO, Eclipse party, 25 year high school reunion, cruise, my parents coming to visit, Kyla getting her drivers license. See? Busy. I like it.

All's quiet on the western front

Really. It is. OMT!!! I cannot believe how fricking quiet it's been. Not only at work but everywhere I look. The cruise forums are almost at a stand still. Television shows are nothing but reruns. Even status updates on Facebook are dragging. What is going on??? Gives me too much time to think. All of the thoughts running around in my melon took me in this direction...

Why do people settle?

Seriously. Why? I have known so many people who settle for any warm body that pays attention to them just to have someone in their life.

1. A friend told me once that if she had it to do over she would have never married her husband. She said that the only reason she stays with him is for financial reasons and she doesn't want to be alone.

2. Another friend started dating a man, who in my opinion was not worthy of her, and he was verbally abusive. Telling her to stop eating because she is fat and saying hurtful things that no one should ever put up with. She is now married to him!!!

3. Yet another friend met a man who was still married when she met him. He was everything she didn't want. Smoker, married, bad teeth, didn't have a good job. She is now living with this man and engaged to marry him. Last I heard she is very unhappy.

4. A man I know is with a woman who he isn't sure about but he keeps her around anyway.

5. Another man I am friends with has been dating a woman for 10 months. I only found out about her 2 months ago because he just wasn't sure. She has 4 children, she has an asshole of an ex husband, she is everything he doesn't want but he stays with her. He always ends up with these women who need to be fixed.

What in the hell is it with people settling??? Life is too bloody short to accept less than what you want and deserve in life. I know that I settled in my last long term relationship. It doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. He was everything I don't want in a man. In hindsight I know that I was settling. I was accepting any warm body just so I wouldn't be alone. No matter what it cost me.

It's all around us though. People accepting what is put in front of them without question. Why? It's your life. Question everything that will affect your life! Don't accept less than where you have set your sights and standards. Never lower the bar just to have a warm body in your bed. Using the excuse of "I can't make it financially" is such a cop out. Seriously people. I'm a single mom!!! I've been supporting myself for over 5 years. I work. I get child support. Sometimes I sell things on ebay or craigslist so I can make ends meet. It may be tough for me but I can look myself in the mirror and know that I'm not allowing someone who is not what I want for a partner into my life. A second income is not worth losing my self confidence, self worth and self esteem over. I am way too valuable to allow that to happen.

Are my standards too high? No. I think they are exactly where they should be. I've been in abusive relationships. Physical. Emotional. Mental. I have settled. I have been single for 5 years. There are times when I hate it but then I think "Okay Tracey. You could find any man and have the other side of your bed warm every night but will you truly be happy?". I always answer "No. I wouldn't". I'm given one shot at this life. I don't want to one day breathe my last breath knowing that I gave in. That I didn't hold out for the best. Will that thought keep me alone for the rest of my life? It will if I don't meet the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. A man who is everything I've wanted and dreamed of. Thing about that is...I'm okay if I don't meet him. I will never settle though. I won't be unhappy like a lot of people I know are.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Just my opinion

but I think that the 80's was the most amazing decade for music ever. I'm sitting here listening to Rick Springfield's "Don't talk to Strangers" and talk about a flashback. The music in the 80's was exactly that. Music. Not that bass ridden, hip hop crap they say is music today. What the hell is that stuff anyway? I know it's not my age saying that. Seriously. There is just nothing there that has any kind of redeeming value. You sure as hell can't really dance to it unless you can pop and whatever else they do now. If you aren't a hip hop dancer...forget even trying to dance to it. In the 80's there were definitely people who couldn't dance well but at least they could kind of keep to the beat. All of the music in the 80's had a different sound and beat to it. Not like the songs of today. Same song different singer is what it seems to be now.

I'm listening to Rick and remembering my first concert which just so happened to be Rick Springfield. OMT!!! I thought I was going to die when he came out on stage. Goodness that man was gorgeous. He still is. I loved the 80's and there are times I wish I could go back and just live one week. To remember how much fun it was. No fear of gangs. No fear of being shot in my own school. Just learning drill team routines. Going out to Selah Civic Center teen dances. Cruising Yakima Ave and being innocent. Enjoying what it means to be a teenager. I am sad that my daughters will never know what I knew then. To live such a fun carefree life, turning up the radio when Rick Springfield came on singing "Human Touch" or Wham's "Wake me up before you go-go". When there wasn't so much hate in the world and wars were something we studied in history.

The 1980's were an amazing time and I am so glad I got to experience it from the neon, to Wham to the original Live Aid. I'm an 80's child and proud of it. :)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Christmas and Twilight

Never in a million years did I think that reading a saga would bring some of the most amazing people into my life. People from all walks of life and different corners of the world. When I signed on for the cruise little did I know that I was part of a group of men and women who would become very dear friends. A couple of friends that I met through the cruise forum flew up here last month to attend my New Moon party. To be honest...that blew my mind. I have a very small circle of friends as we all know. I'm very leery of people in general and to have 2 women spend the time and money to fly from CA to my house just to spend time with me took me completely by surprise. It showed me that I am not what others have tried to tell me I am. A bad person. A bad friend and I think only of myself.

This post is actually going somewhere. I look at my Christmas tree and it reminds me of just how much people think of me and that I'm loved. My tree was decorated by my children and it is gorgeous but each and every day for the last week I've been adding more to it. Each day I receive a Christmas card from my Twilight friends. Each day my tree is decorated with the cards I take out of my mailbox. It is a beautiful tree. Decorated by people I love and people who love me. I may physically be alone this Christmas but when I turn off the lights and turn on the Christmas tree...I am reminded that I am never alone. I am surrounded by family and friends. This is turning out to be one of the most amazing Christmas' that I have had in many years. :)

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Sometimes ya gotta take a step back...

I'm single. We all know that. Sometimes it sucks but for the most part I'm enjoying my freedom. I'm able to come and go as I please. Well...within reason. I need to make sure that my kids are either with me or being taken care of. I get to go on a cruise and I didn't have to talk to a man to see if he would be okay with it. I just called and put my deposit down. I'm hoping to go to New York for a mini vacation in February. No one to ask if he is okay with it. I'm just doing it. Then we get to GWO. I started the "tradition" with the trip we took this year. I thought it would be a good thing for all of us to get together at least once a year. To be women instead of mom's. Little did I know that what I thought was a good idea would end up causing me more stress than is necessary. I'm not going to get into the why's and what for's. It stresses me out and brings me to tears.

I've canceled the GWO for 2010. Well...I've canceled it for me. The rest of my friends can get together if they want to. I can't control that. What I can control is what I do. I choose to not be involved for the next GWO. I choose to not be the planner again. When I get comments like "I don't care where you choose. I just can't wait to go" and then when I do choose a place that has everything everyone was requesting I get "Isn't that too far to drive?" even though the first place I had picked was much further and that one was okay. I wasted way too much time and energy on finding a perfect place. I won't do it again.

GWO is a good concept. It is just a concept that I won't be in charge of again. If someone else doesn't take it over then GWO will be nothing more than a pleasant memory of 2009.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

View of self

Sometime in the last year I lost me. Not because of some drama. Not because I started feeling sorry for myself. Not because of anything at all. At least not anything that people would say is typical. I used to wear cute clothes with a kind of Carrie flair. Always something a little different added to my conforming outfits. It's what made me stand out a little bit. Since moving I have yet to be the quirky me. For work I wear black pants, a sweater and non-descript black boots. Last year at this time? I never went to work without wearing 3 inch heels. Hmmmm.....

Since buying the house I've gained weight. I attribute that to losing the stress factor I had in my life. I'm working on losing the weight. It's not a lot, thank goodness, but it's just enough to make me feel not so pretty. I was completely stupid in June and decided to cut my hair off. I now regret that. What in the world possessed me to cut hair that was past my bra strap off to just under my ears? Not a bloody clue. I started taking vitamins that helps hair grow fast and it's actually working. By next August I should have my long hair back. I know that not having long hair has been a part of me feeling beige. I'm just blending in. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a blending in kind of person. I like to stand out. Be the flirty, fun to be around person.

I have made decisions that I will stick to and bring myself out of the beige mode I put myself in.

1. Get back into my size 6 jeans
2. Grow my hair back out
3. Get contacts (want lasik but that scares the hell out of me)
4. Quirkify my wardrobe again
5. Experiment with different makeup and find what really looks good
6. Take mini vacations throughout the year to keep myself energized


It's not a difficult list to stick to. I just need to remember to think about myself more and not get so wrapped up in other things. At the end of the day the thing that really matters is how I feel about myself. After that...everything else will fall into place.

Friday, December 11, 2009

It's a struggle...

I decided back in October that I needed to start working out. Since buying my house and having the lump in my breast removed I've gained some weight. I've gone from a size 8 to a 10. Ouch. Goes to show that stress is the best diet out there. Remove the stress and guess what? You gain weight!!! Well...at least I did and I'm hating it with a fricking passion!!! The cruise has given me incentive to lose what I've gained. Let me tell you...it was easier putting it on than taking it off. I joined Curves and didn't really get serious about it until the last couple of weeks. Today was my day to be measured. I've lost an inch in my waist and 2% body fat. WOW!!! I didn't think I was losing anything. If this keeps up I'll make my goal by cruise time. I have a pair of jeans I could wear when I turned 40 and they were a size 6. I liked how I looked in them and I want to be able to wear them again. I know I can do it and having the club in the same building where I work helps. I can't make excuses to not go plus the owner won't let me slide. She stays on me and reminds me why I'm doing this. I have noticed something though. I feel really good after working out. At least now that I'm really into it. The first week or two I wanted to die. I kept thinking "What the hell did I get myself into???" Now I'm holding myself accountable and even when I don't want to go work out...I do it anyway. My eating habits still haven't changed though. I really need to work on that one. Trying to stop drinking so much soda and that is a serious challenge. I've gotten myself to where I don't buy it in the mornings anymore. I drink water as soon as I get to work and I think that is helping. All I know is that I want to look amazing for the cruise and nothing is going to stop me from reaching my goal. :)

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Okay...where's Tracey and what did you do with her?

Today I found out that a guy I used to date is moving into an assisted living facility. Apparently he has some dystrophy in his nerves and has no use of his legs and is in a wheelchair. We were both 21 when we dated. He was someone that started me on the "do not trust men" road. After putting up with the lies, the cheating and the humiliation for over a year the relationship ended. I never looked back nor did I want anything to do with him. Every once in awhile I would hear something about him and I would take it with a grain of salt. I figured it was more lies. He was soooo good at that. Lie after lie after lie would come out of that man's mouth. Now I sit here and still question if he is still lying and creating this medical condition. I should feel bad for him. I should have some kind of compassion and sympathy for him. I don't. I feel nothing but "Oh well...Karma's a bitch isn't it?". Where did that come from??? That is so unlike me to not feel any kind of anything for someone who is suffering.

I haven't thought of this man in years and have put my experience with him in a little box and placed it on a shelf somewhere in the back of my mind. After learning of his problem I've thought of almost nothing but him today. Why? I thought I had forgiven him. I thought I had gotten past what he had done to me. It was 20 freaking years ago!!! Makes me wonder...am I still holding onto every hurt that has ever been done to me by a man? I know I've let the crap that happened with Darren go. When he said he couldn't be friends with me because I'm honest and will tell the truth in all instances I knew that the hold he had on me was finally broken. I have not spoken to or communicated with him since my birthday this year.

Wow!!! Talk about an eye opener. I keep running from any kind of relationship or even getting to know someone out of fear of getting hurt again. Is it the residual pain from past relationships that is still holding me back? Am I still holding onto it with a vice grip and not willing to let it go? I can't help but think that I just found my problem. Until I let go of the morons who tainted my views of love and relationships...I will never meet my Edward.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Where have I been?

Certainly not blogging that's for sure. Last post was in August. Seems like that was a million years ago. So much has happened in 3 months. Things I won't get into on here but definitely some life changes. No...I did not get married or have a baby.

One part that happened is...

NEW MOON WAS RELEASED!!! OMT!!!! I've seen it 5 times so far. I can't get enough of it and I've read that they won't be releasing the DVD until May or June!!!!! WTF???? Seriously? With Eclipse being released June 30th they are going to wait until just before that to release NM on DVD? That's just messed up.

I.DO.NOT.WANT.TO.WAIT.THAT.LONG!!!

That is just frustrating. It's really like a drug addiction. Everyone that I know who is a Twilighter feels the same way. They just can't get enough and have seen it multiple times. I know that I'll see it at least a couple more times before it's out of the theaters. After that? WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THE WITHDRAWALS??? *sigh* Must figure out how to deal with the lack of New Moon'age when I can't go the theater to get my fix.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Miss my blog

I am not on here enough. Been too wrapped up in planning my party in November and the cruise I'm taking next August. Life just gets so busy and then you wonder where the time went. So much going on that there really isn't time to post a full blog and I just post a status on my Facebook.

Things are pretty busy here. I'm having a party in November and if I don't keep myself under control I will get a little over the top. The menu's are planned out though. Since I'm going to have a houseful all weekend...I've decided on some great food. Baked Ziti, tiramisu pancakes, chicken gnocchi soup, baked brie (courtesy of Margaret), pumpkin muffins with pecan/coconut topping and a variety of other munchies. I'm slowing getting decorations but keep finding more and more that I want to buy. Four friends that I've met on the cruise forum are going to come over for it and that just has me all excited. Two are flying up here from California and four are coming from Seattle. I'm feelin the love!!! It will be a great weekend.

The cruise takes up a good part of my thinking. I'm meeting some fabulous people on the forum and I have a feeling I'm going to make some lifetime friends. I know the cruise is still a year away but we are all becoming fast friends. It's going to make going on this cruise so much easier for me since I'm going alone. I'll already have friends on the ship so the fear will not be too intense. :)

I've missed my blog. I really need to get back to it. I love writing. :)

Friday, July 24, 2009

Are you kidding me???

I'm sure this will be taken down quickly if Summit has anything to say about it but for now...*sigh* Why isn't it November???

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

WTF?????

Ok...I try to keep politics and other immigrant crap but this one I just have to vent about. A friend of mine had a house fire last week. She lost damn close to everything. We all know that fires suck and when something like that happens you hope that there are agencies out there who will help you get back on your feet. Well let me tell you my friends...THERE ISN'T!!!! She just called OIC, which is a state run office, asking for assitance in getting her electricity set up because the power company is saying she needs a deposit to get service set up. Would you like to know what OIC told her??? Since she hasn't worked in the fields or orchards in the last 2 years she doesn't qualify for assistance. WTF???? Are you fricking kidding me??? That my friends is total bullshit. Excuse my language but when the hell did where you work qualify you for getting help after a catastrophe????

With what just happened to her....how can ANYONE question why American citizens have issues with immigrants and how the government is kissing the asses of everyone who comes here illegally???

Friday, June 19, 2009

OMT!!! I'm going to piddle my pants...

I just put a deposit down for the Twilight Cruise next summer!!! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about this. Seriously. I have never been on a cruise!!! To have my first cruise be to Alaska AND it's a Twilight Cruise with Ashley Green and Kellan Lutz on board? I think I have just died and gone to heaven. I'm so giddy that I can't even think to type. The cruise will be after New Moon AND Eclipse so this is going to be a great trip.

While talking to Linda, the travel agent who put this all together, she said that I won't be the oldest one on the ship. She is older than me and her sister, who is also going, is older than her. Twilight is NOT just for teeny boppers. I'm telling ya...Edward emcompasses all ages. *sigh* Who knows...maybe I'll meet MY Edward on this cruise. :)


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Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Friday, June 05, 2009

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

10

That's how much weight I've gained in the last few months. Ten freaking pounds!!! Seriously??? I am no longer the happy 6/8. I am now the 9/10. Oh good grief that sucks. Once I saw the numbers on the scale at the doctors office and then realized that my clothes just aren't fitting as well as they used to I decided that enough is enough. I feel like crap. I don't care how my hair and makeup look. That is just NOT me!!!

Realizing I'm not happy with how I look I took the bull by the horns and took that first step of getting rid of the ugly ten. I stopped drinking diet Pepsi. No more soda!!! It's killing me. I'll tell you that right now. No soda at all is just so not me. I am so addicted to the stuff that quitting is just so not easy. But...I have a bottle of water on my desk now at all times. I drink sun tea when I am at home. Granted...it's sweet tea but cut me some slack here ok? It's not like I'm drinking a whole jug in one sitting. One glass a night and that's it.

I do have some incentive to lose the weight though. I want to look hot for the cruise that I am going to do my best to be on. You just never know who you might meet on one of those things. Well...aside from meeting Ashley and Kellan. LOL Going on a cruise requires wearing of some sexy clothes and the way I look right now...sexy clothes are not an option. I feel icky and I really don't like feeling icky. It's time this woman makes a change and gets back to who she was. This mama-looking, pudgy, straight haired thing is someone who died years ago. No way in hell am I going to allow her to be resurrected.

Lovin' my friends...

I love how my friends think of me when they come across something they know I would like. Last night Pam sent me a link to something she saw on KOMO TV last night. I shall share it with you...

I WANNA GO!!!

Know how I was planning on taking a trip to Ireland next year for my vacation? I think that has been changed with this new information. :) A cruise to Alaska in August with some of the cast from the Twilight Saga? Seriously? I mentioned it to Kyla last night and she asked me how much it was. Once she found out the price I could see the wheels turning in her head. She is working her first job this summer and will have the money for the deposit plus spending money. I'll help her out with the rest of the costs. It's something she can work toward. :) So with that said...I do believe I will be going to Alaska next year. Ireland will have to wait. ;)

Monday, June 01, 2009

Definite change

Twilight...

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New Moon...

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I read an interview where he says he will be getting bigger for Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. Seriously??? Words fail me at this point.

I'm on a roll...

I just can't help myself....:) This is going to be sooooo cool!!!!

Jacob

Too cute

This was just too cute last night.




Kristen was true to Bella form when she accepted her award. Check this out...

And the wait begins...

Twilight kicked butt last night on the MTV Movie Awards. They took all awards they were nominated for aside from one...best song. The whole show was good but definitely not kid friendly. Here is the trailer for New Moon just in case you missed the awards show. I know that you are just chomping at the bit to see it. LOL When the girls and I saw it last night all 3 of us screamed when we saw how Jacob phased. Seriously...it is going to be a looooonnnnggggg 6 months. *sigh*


Friday, May 29, 2009

Twi-diction

New Moon Pictures, Images and Photos

While doing my morning ritual of seeing what new news there is about the filming of New Moon I had a thought. Shocking I know but I went with it. Once Breaking Dawn has been filmed and released what is going to happen? There are millions of females (I say female because there are more than just teenie boppers who are in love with this saga) who are completely and totally addicted to anything Twilight. Just google it. Obligatory line from Twilight. For those of you who have seen the movie a million and one times like I have you will get that. :)


Twilight has become such a phenomena that I don't even think that Stephenie Meyer knew how big it was going to be. It is so much more than Harry Potter. Don't get me wrong...I'm not dissing Harry Potter at all. I love that story and I will miss it when the Deathly Hallows movie has finished. There is just something about Twilight that keeps me and millions of others entranced. The way Edward loves Bella, how Bella cannot distinguish the line that separates her and Edward as if they are two halves of one entity. Bella being torn from a deep familial love for Jacob and the burning sexually tense love she has for Edward. How two deeply entrenched enemies can bond together as allies.

I could get so deeply wrapped up in analyzing this story and every facet of it from Twilight all the way through Breaking Dawn. I know that there are many people out there who have and will continue. Thing is...I'm not going to do that. I want to enjoy the story for what it is. A boy (well vampire) meets girl. They fall in love. So it's based around vampires, werewolves (I hate saying that because they AREN'T werewolves but shapeshifters but I'm digressing aren't I?) and other mythical unknown things. It's a fictional story. Who cares what the analytical stuff is. I don't think that Stephenie does. I'm sure she is just looking at how a dream she had one night turned into a multi-million dollar baby. I wonder though...since she has started "Midnight Sun"...will she finish it and give that to us as a parting gift once Breaking Dawn has been released in theaters? This Twilight mom can only hope she does.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

New Moon

Found this on one of the many Twilight blogs I read. :) I told ya...it's an obsession/addiction. If you haven't read New Moon then this video most likely won't make any bit of sense to you. LOL

A change

Yes...I changed my layout. It had to be done. Besides I was getting tired of the other one. Needed to mix it up a bit. You will notice that I have a chat box on the sidebar instead of having comments. Let's see how that works out. :)

Friday, May 08, 2009

The eyes have it...

edward cullen Pictures, Images and Photos

Seriously...those eyes just kill me!!! Oh good grief...now I need to watch Twilight tonight. Can you say obsessed? I know I can. I am happy to know that I have support in my obsession with some friends. They are just as mad about the saga as I am.

I made plans for July 4th to go to Portland and watch Vamp Baseball with another Twi-friend. While down there I figured why not go visit the places where the movie was filmed. Great photo ops and it will make Kyla as jealous as all get out. She has to be with the SD all summer so there won't be an opportunity for her to join me. She is getting a Twilight birthday though. I'm taking her to Forks and we are staying in a Twilight themed room. Forks in late October. The weather will be lovely. Read that with sarcasm as any Pacific Northwesterner will tell you...the Olympic Peninsula will be drenched by that time. Must remember to bring an umbrella and my webbed feet. It will be worth it to see the look on Kyla's face and making a lifetime memory.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Excess within control

Been sitting here today thinking about...well basically Twilight and all things associated with it. I did find a website that lists all of the places where filmed. Since I'm going to be in the Portland area the weekend of July 4th...I figured I would go on a photo safari.

While doing some prerusing of the internet...for some reason the movie "Somewhere in Time" popped into my head. In my opinion THE most romantic movie ever put on film. Jane Seymour and Christopher Reeve had the epitome of on screen chemistry. While looking at a site that is dedicated to the movie I found some quotes....one of them being my title. Excess within control. That brings me back to "Twilight". It would be so easy to get carried away with the story. I need to keep it under control without going completely fanatical about it.

Twilight and Somewhere in Time have almost the same premise. One person is willing to give up everything that they have for the person they love. There are so many different levels and topics of conversation I could go with this. I'm just going to keep it simple. A man and woman fall in love and they will do anything they can to be with that person. We all know I have my opinions on love and relationships. I don't want to tarnish either of these two stories with my cynicism. I do have to say though...both movies give me hope. Somewhere in Time has two beautiful people who fall in love. Twilight has one frighteningly gorgeous man who falls hopelessly in love with a plain jane type of girl. I know they are stories but these stories are written by real people. People who, I assume, have felt all of the emotions that their characters feel. Do I believe I will fall in love someday? I have to honestly say that I don't know. I would like to have the hope that I will. Should it not happen for me...I have my love stories on film to give me that warm, loved feeling.

Excess within control, Tracey.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Really...

I want my own Edward Cullen Pictures, Images and Photos

edward cullen Pictures, Images and Photos

edward cullen Pictures, Images and Photos

Edward Cullen Pictures, Images and Photos

The right way

I have a daughter who is turning 15 in October. Can you say that I'm facing *gasp* a learners permit not soon after that??? Seriously? When did that happen??? Where did the time go? *sigh* Not liking it but it's inevitable. She is already discussing driving and the fact that I told her she would be driving my PT. Actually...she is going to be buying it from me. Being a single mom I can't just give her a car. Plus I want her to learn some lessons from this and that she won't be given everything in life. Needless to say that has put me in a position to buy the car I want. A sporty and cute little car. Been doing some looking and research and here is what I'm wanting...at least for the moment. ;)





No...it isn't as expensive as it looks. I also did a quick quote for insurance and would you believe it's about the same as what my PT Cruiser is??? I know...shocked me too. It's still a year away before I need to get a car but I want to do my research and make sure I'm getting a good car and not some throw away. Isn't that just the cutest car and wouldn't I look great in it? LOL

Friday, April 24, 2009

Friday

Thought I would share a little eye candy for the weekend since I can't think of anything else to blog about. LOL Have a great weekend!!!

foro11 Pictures, Images and Photos

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

GWO2

Yep...it's going to be a "Not so annual but whenever we feel the need" kind of thing. Our next get together is being planned. It all started with a little book called "Twilight". LOL Pam and I got all wrapped up in the books so Margaret joined in on the reading. We now have her hooked. I read the whole series in about a week. Same with Pam. I think if Margaret continues the way she is...she will finish in about the same time. Anyway...I digress. The point is this...with all of the Twilight hysteria...and it is hysteria...Pam thought that a good time for a GWO2 would be when "New Moon" is released. Well that was just brilliant!!! We are going to crash at my new house and be legal teenagers. :) There is going to be a 2nd part of this GWO2. Since one of our legal teenagers can't join us...we are going to head to her place in early December and continue the GWO2. She lives in Ridgefield which is not far from where Twilight was filmed. Who knows what we will end up doing other than seeing the movie again. Now to start thinking of goodie bags, Twilight type drinks which we know is most important. :)


new moon Pictures, Images and Photos






*not the official poster but I loved it so there it is. :)

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

And so the lion...

Currently my obsession. Why not? Robert is easy to look at and it's romantic as all get out. :)

I know it's not synched up all that fabulous but you get the idea.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Liberation

I had a bit of drama last week. Nothing that got me too riled up but it was a drama that needed to be played out. This morning I awoke with the feeling of liberation and coming full circle. I won't get into specifics but the jist of it was that a person from my past could not accept that I will be honest when it comes to how I feel about things. If someone hurts me, I'm going to tell them. If I'm angry, I'm going to tell them. If someone makes me happy, I'll tell them that also. The person in question stated that they could not accept that from me. WOW!!! Seriously? My jaw dropped when I read their email. That statement opened up so much for me I can't even begin to explain. For the first time in 5 years I finally felt that all of the soul searching and self reflection has paid off. I am no longer a prisoner in my own life. I can parole myself from my self imposed prison that I've been in for darned near 5 years.

I have allowed certain people put me and keep in me in the box they want me to be in. To be the spineless and weak woman I was 5 years ago. When I found it in myself to take a stand and not accept that box and the parameters that was being placed upon me...those people cannot accept being in a friendship with me. I was looking at them with my eyes closed so tightly that I didn't see what they were doing to me. Once I opened them wide I saw so clearly what was happening. The way I see it is...as long as they can keep me down and being the sad pathetic person I was...they don't have to face their own inadequacies and just how messed up they really are. I'm not talking in specifics here or about any one person. It's just a generalization of the past 5 years of my life.

I am now a woman who won't tolerate being treated with nothing less than kindness and respect. If someone cannot afford me those two basic principles then there is really no reason for them to be in my life. It's as simple as that. I will be honest with who I am to all who are in my life. I will not change who I am to please others. Accept me as I am or do as one person did last week...leave. Period. Sounds harsh but I have one life to live and I won't waste it on superficial and fake people who claim to be friends. I have too much living to do to be bothered with their games. It's just not worth it and definitely not worth wasting my time on.

Today was liberating for me. What a great way to start a Tuesday.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

For Sherri

I'm in a mood...

Sorry ya'all but I love this song. :) Now for some trivia. What movie had this playing at the end? Not the credits but just the ending scenes?

End of March

Here in Washington State the phrase "In like a lion and out like a lamb" quite accurately describes March. Here...let me show you:



The above photo is what Snoqualmie Pass looks like today. Yes...I said TODAY!!! March 25, 2009. In a week and 1/2 my friends and I will be meeting in Seattle for the GWO. GWO meaning Girls Weekend Out. You see that photo just above? That is the pass that me and two of my friends must drive over in order to get to Seattle. I am not the one doing the driving but still...I'm less than thrilled at what the roads look like at this point. Margaret texted me and said that 15 inches fell in the last 24 hours. HELLO!!! It's Spring. No Spring snow!!! Spring flowers!!! Spring sunshine!!! Spring warmth!!! This is what is required of Spring. Not the fricking white stuff falling in bucket loads!!! I know better than to expect anything other than this type of weather but please...??? A nice weekend would be...well nice. *sigh*

*muttering under my breath* Stupid snow...

Newness

I was bored. I changed my template. Thoughts?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

I needed to remind myself of this again. It's been a rough week and one that has hurt my heart. Decisions and choices were made that weren't what I truly wanted but had to be done. I'm not going to get into the why's and what's of the circumstances. I don't need the drama. What I do need is to remember this:

Are Your Friends Here for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?

Many of us are fortunate enough to have friends who are a consistent part of our lives throughout all our ups and downs. However, sometimes others we consider friends appear to enter, then depart from our lives for reasons we try to, but don't always, understand. This piece nicely explains the flow of people in and out of our lives.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Needing a friend...

No...not me. My little doof, Jeffery. He is a lonely little weenie. He's a daschund!!! Where was your mind??? Good grief. Seriously though. Now that I have moved and I have a fenced yard I think that the doof needs a friend. I've been looking at Chihuahua's. Quite cute and loveable. Not sure though. The doof can get rambunctious sometimes. I do know that I need a smaller friend though. Doof is a doxie so he has little legs and a LONG back. Plus I think a female would be better for him. That way I'm not dealing with an alpha male issue. So...we are looking for a friend for the doof. Any suggestions on a good breed?

Monday, March 16, 2009

See this?



It bloody well better not be like that in 2 weeks or I'm gonna be cranky. Thank God I'm not the one driving to Seattle for the GWO. I do not do well driving in the snow. I'm bored today...can you tell? LOL

Purse whore

I seriously want a yellow purse. Not mustard yellow. Not pastel yellow. Not dirty yellow. I want sunshine yellow!!! Bright bright bright yellow. Do you think I can find one I like? Nah. At least not in the price range I am wanting it. I found this one on eBay and it's cute. It's totally me.



Perfect size. Do I want to pay the price they are asking? I don't think so!!! *sigh* Listen to me. I just bought a purse that I was completely in love with and searched Craigslist high and low for. Seriously...I went to every major city that was on CL looking for it and found it in San Diego. What did I pay for it? Only $85.00 for the pretty thing. See?



So why am I flipping out over paying $35.00 for a yellow purse? I have no fricking clue. LOL Maybe because it's faddish and I know I won't carry it forever. My fairy purse? That will hang out with me for awhile. So...any thoughts on where I can find a nice bright sunshine yellow purse that won't break my bank? I've checked thrift stores. No luck. Send me somewhere else...:)

Weekends? Who needs em?

I do that's who!!! But...I need weekends that are good and not stressful and bring me to tears. I hate crying. My last relationship taught me that little tidbit. Crying is a sign of weakness and lets others know that they have affected you in some way. I was seriously affected yesterday and I lost it. During the situation I was in it was brought to my attention that I don't value my friends and in essence I'm not a good friend. I was called a liar which pissed me right the hell off but I got past that. It was the friend statement that really got me to thinking and questioning myself.

My friends are my lifeline. Without them I know that I would hole up somewhere and most likely lose all sense of what life is. I know I'm not a perfect friend. No one is. I make mistakes. I'm human. I try to do the best I can. I'm beginning to realize that it's not enough. I have to learn to hold my tongue and not speak what I'm thinking...no matter if advice is asked of me or not. I have to learn to be a "silent" friend. Someone who just smiles and nods. I'm already the type of friend who will listen when someone needs to vent. Now I just need to keep my mouth shut. I need to learn that my problems are my own. No one wants to listen to them. No one wants to see that things bother me. I am not allowed to show emotion. That is not what is wanted from me. I've learned that the hard way. Which brings me back to crying. A sign of weakness. No one wants to see a weak person. Am I being a martyr? No. I'm just trying to take the lessons I'm handed and work them into something that is liveable for me and everyone who is in my life. At this point I am not a good friend. I suck at being one. I need to figure out how to fix that. Life is nothing more than a lesson and I need to keep learning.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

GWO condo...

Here is where the girls and I will be staying for our Girls Weekend Out. Not far from the Space Needle, Pike's Place Market, the Waterfront and everything that we are going to need. Margaret told me that there is a martini bar just across the street. Do I know how to pick a vacation condo or what? :)













Seeing the whole picture

Who am I? Seriously. Who am I? I think I'm a good mom, a good friend, a good employee and a good person. So why am I thinking about who I really am? Someone called me a cold hearted bitch a couple of years ago but this person said it was meant as a compliment. I didn't take it as such and still don't. Today I really started thinking about what that person said. She said she wanted to be a cold hearted bitch just like me. A person who doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve and get emotionally attached to every man I go out with. Wow. Is that really what I portray and who people see? Someone who is cold and has a wall that is so high and thick that no one will get past it? I know I have my walls. Most are pretty rock solid.

I've gone through my head just how many honest to goodness friends I have. The list is small. Most live out of Yakima. There are a couple that live in town but I don't see them often. That brings me to this question. Are they still friends with me because they don't see me on a daily basis and that they don't see that there is something significantly wrong with me? Is it because all they see is the mask I put on when I am around them? Does anyone really know who I am? The big question though...do I really know who I am? I really need to do some searching and figure this out. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life and I certainly want my friends to see the real me without the masks and putting on a pretty face. I need to fix this.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Oy vey...

The mind can only process so much at one time. My mind has been trying to process moving into a new house, putting things in their proper place in the new house, finding out that the fridge is dead, getting my address changed everywhere, planning the GWO, dealing with a 14 year old daughter, working and my annual mammogram. Seriously??? I have reached the end of my rapidly fraying rope.

So what am I doing to not think about it? Watched the season finale of The Bachelor and seeing that drama unfold. I could put in my 2 cents but we all know what those will be. Jason is an ass for doing what he did to Melissa. Not because he broke things off with her but how he did it. I don't care if ABC told him to do it that way...he should have had the balls and stuck to whatever values and morals he has and said "No...I will not humiliate Melissa that way". Sadly...he didn't and he is now facing a serious backlash from the whole country. I would not want to be in his shoes at all. I really liked Jason and felt so bad for him last season when he went to propose to DeAnna and she stopped him mid-sentence. He didn't deserve that BUT...Melissa did not deserve what he did to her either. I know it's just a reality show and a lot of it is scripted but still...it was just wrong. There is one good thing about the Bachelor drama...keeps my mind off of things in my real life for a little while. The weekend of April 3rd is not going to get here soon enough. Holy cow I need the GWO in the worst way.

Monday, March 02, 2009

It's Monday...

And I have moved into my new home. That is exciting isn't it? Of course it is...but not as exciting as it being the finale of The Bachelor. Yes...I have been drawn into a reality show. Shut up.

Monday, February 23, 2009

A persona?

I got an email the other day. It was from my blog!!! I guess it has taken on a life of it's own and is missing me. So...I shall post today. Happy now blog? :)

It was a busy and fabulous weekend. I bought a house!!! I know. I can't believe it either. I never thought I would be a homeowner and here I am...owning my own home!!! We close on it this week and I am terrified, excited yet nervous all at the same time.

I wasn't too sure about the place until I walked in it. I went on the county assessors website and seeing that it was a 1972 doublewide...I was not impressed. When I went into the house to look around...my not so impressed turned into "This is my new home". The owners were planning on retiring here but the husband passed away a few weeks ago and his wife does not want to live in it. I don't blame her at all. Too many memories with what they were planning. I could not believe all of the work that has gone into the house. They tape and textured all of the walls, updated the furnace and A/C system, over the range microwave, put in a second bath in the master bedroom, has a HUGE walk-in closet in the master bedroom, new laminate flooring that looks like hardwood, new vinyl windows throughout, turned a screened porch into a bedroom, it comes with the washer, dryer, fridge, dishwasher and range, has underground sprinklers, a fenced back yard and they built a new storage shed. Whew...I think I got all of it. :)

I am just completely over the moon with this. The house is perfect for me and the kids. The owner is carrying the contract and I will have it paid off in 10 years. Just when I thought God had given up on me...He blesses me beyond what I even imagined. :)

Friday, February 13, 2009

And I giggle...

The things that happen in my world sometimes amaze me. Take last night for instance. Jordin and I are at Wally World picking up so kitty food, a pair of shoes for Jordin and munchies. My phone rings. I do not recognize the number so I don't answer it. I always do that. I get home and think nothing of it. Actually...I completely forgot it.

I'm sitting in my recliner because us old folks need those and I am reading a text when I thought..."Oh...I just wonder who it was that called me?". So...I send a text. "Who is this?". I get a text back "I think I called the wrong person but do you know T.?" WHAT???? T is a good friend of mine. Ok...now this is getting weird. We continue texting for awhile and then I decide to call T. I asked her if she knew him and said she did and that he was a very nice man with a great sense of humor. I grinned. Oh really??? John, the wrong number man, and I texted for a bit longer and then he asked me if I would like to go to dinner on Sunday. Seriously!!! He did. Thankfully he has a Facebook and I got to see what he looks like. No complaints at all. He is a handsome man, single and 45. I'm meeting him Sunday at 6:30 for dinner at a new restaurant here in town. I trust T so I'm not too worried.

So...leave it to me to find a date from a wrong number. *grin*

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

110%

That is the level of my stress. 110% of where it normally is. Let me see...

1. Needing to move. No place to move to. Well that sucks. Must live in the same school district because I refuse to tranfer the girls.

2. Time to have my mammogram/ultrasound. Two lumps still reminding me of this on a daily basis. Lovely.

3. Other issues I won't discuss here in a public forum. Care to know? Email me.

I did relieve some stress this week. I paid my car off so I have some extra money every month. Tax refunds are a wonderful thing. The one time of year I don't mind being single.

Stress bites big huge frozen banana's. I need some chocolate...NOW!!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Observations and opinions

It has been an interesting day. Our 44th President was sworn in today. For some people...it was a great thing. For others...not so much. I read that a certain talk show celebrity stated "He is amazing grace personified." I heard on the radio that people were clamoring to touch him. I'm really unsure of all the God like admiration and worshipping that people are laying upon this man we now call our President. He is a man. He does not walk on water. He is not the second born Son of my God. He is human just as the person who is reading my blog. I can't quite wrap my mind around all of this. What I can wrap my mind around is how I feel about this man. I do not believe he is right for the job. I do not believe that the other candidate was right. This country was handed a bad hand and we had to choose one. One was a poor little rich kid. The other was colored and from the wrong side of the tracks. Hmmm...we are all having financial issues...who should speak for the underprivledged? Easy one to answer but I will say I did not vote for Mr. Change even though I'm as poor as a church mouse. His stand on issues and my gut told me which little box to check off.

I'm concerned about how this country has drawn a line in the sand so to speak. So many people have talked trash about Mr. B. He did not make good decisions. No president is exempt from that. Do I agree with this war? Not at all. I do support our troops though. What really bothers me is how defensive and bent out of shape Mr. Change's supporters are if someone talks trash about him yet these are the very same people who have had nothing good to say for the past 8 years about the exiting administration. Mistakes were made in the last 8 years. Mistakes will surely be made in the next 4. When the towers fell I can't help but think and believe that the people who are bashing Mr. B were full on behind him when he wanted to put an end to terrorism and punish those who killed innocent American citizens on our own soil. But...both men are exactly that. Men. They make choices and decisions based upon what they feel is right. Mr. B did. Mr. Change will. Mr. Change will make decisions that will flat out piss people off. The very people who voted him into office.

This country is on a honeymoon right now. All is wonderful. All is fabulous. There is a black President. Correction...a 1/2 black 1/2 WHITE President. He is promising change. He is promising pretty much the world and to bring about peace. I hope and pray for his sake and mostly for my country's sake...he can make good on those promises.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Where have I been???

I've not been lurking. Really Nell...I haven't. I've been looking at my house thinking "How in the blazes am I going to get this all packed up???" I know I can do it. I've done it more in my lifetime than I want to think about. In the year and 1/2 I lived with Darren we moved 3 times!!! This isn't new for me!!! I just hate the thought of packing. The moving I'm all for. I need to look at this a different way. Not in a negative manner. I need to view it as a chance to purge all of the crap I own. A fresh start...to collect more crap. :)

I'm in the office today on Martin Luther King day when everyone else has the blinking day off!!! The phone has rang 2 times in the last 3 hours. The furnace that heats the building I'm in is on the fritz. It is Monday. I think that the day needs to end now. I need to warm up!!! Good grief.

The weekend was not a total bust for me. I had a coffee date Friday night. Quite by accident really. I love Craigslist and I found some decor for my kitchen. I met the person who was selling it to me on Friday. A single, 45 year old, very tall and handsome man. Oh...hello!!! I got two for the price of one huh? Only in my world could this happen. The "date" went very well and there are plans for meeting for coffee again. To think...I did not believe there were any good looking men in this horrible little town.

I learned something this weekend. Pay attention to red flags. A man I was interested in showed glaring flags Saturday night and I ended things immediately. He was calling my cell phone every 5 minutes. He was completely drunk and complaining about the DVD he was watching. This was not the first time he has called me while drinking. Once he was at Applebee's and said he was just getting ready to leave after having a drink. Ummm...hang on. He is a cop!!! Saturday night set me over the edge and I told him to never call me again. I do not need to get into a situation like that. See? I've learned. I don't need to settle for any man just because he shows an interest in me. Besides...I prayed asking God that if this man was not the one for me He would show me the way to end it. Most times God shows us things in a whisper. God yelled this time. LOL Thanks to that holler...I'm at peace with my decision. Not even remotely upset. That is definitely a good thing. :)