Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Romantic relationships =

drama. That is all they are. I opened myself up in the last couple of weeks only to find that I'm not the brightest lightbulb in the box. I chose the wrong man to think something could develop. While he is separated he has not filed anything towards divorce. Hello smart girl!!! That is your first red flag. I chose to ignore it. While at dinner he said something that made me really think that I'm stupid if I continue this. He said that if his wife decided to work things out he would seriously consider it. What was that you are waving? Oh I know...A HUGE RED FLAG!!! Get the hell out and get out now!!!! That is a heartache for me just waiting to happen. I'm not really one for heartache. I've had way too much of it in my lifetime. I'm just not willing to take a chance that he won't take her back. The stakes are just way to high for me. I would rather be alone than always be worrying that I'm going to be the loser. Life is too short for relationship drama. I'll remain single if that is the case.

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Cruisin' video

It's about 9 minutes long so get comfy. :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

It's just reality...

It was said this weekend that I'm the girl next door pretty. In the same breath the next question was "Do you know where nice girls finish?". Yeah. I do. They finish last. Men do not want the girl next door. They do not want a woman who has curves and may be a little squishy around the middle and hip area. The reality of it want a woman who is toned. A flat tummy and a little bubble of a butt. Her face is not starting to lose it's tightness. She most definitely does not have the beginnings of *gasp* a turkey neck.

I am the girl who is every man's friend. I am the girl every man talks to and hangs out with. I am the girl that is asked to be friends with benefits. I am not the girl any man wants to be romantically involved with. I am not the girl any man would like to marry.

My friends wonder why I'm single. I just let the whole blog world know why. I'm the girl next door pretty. I am the nice girl who always finishes last. Isn't life grand?

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Who am I?

I look in the mirror daily and wonder who the hell I am. I was thinking this morning "Okay...I'm not gay. I'm not bi but I'm sure as hell not straight". I don't like sex. I don't like relationships in the romantic sense. I just don't know where I fit or where I belong. I was part of a group of women who had girls weekends. GWO. I started GWO for all of us. I thought it was a good idea. Somewhere along the lines I wasn't part of that group. Not through anything they have done. It's me. All me. I know they felt it too. They see that I'm someone different and even though they won't say it...I'm not someone they would like to spend a weekend around. I'm not angry about it. I'm not even playing the martyr about it. My life is so different from their's. Everyone is married or has a partner. Their children are grown or they have someone who can take care of their children for a weekend. If a GWO weekend falls on a weekend I have my kids...I don't go anywhere. I get my kids 2 weekends out of the month. I won't leave them to do something for myself. I don't have that luxury. The only reason I signed up for the cruise is because my kids won't be with me. Summer vacation is the only real time I have for me. I've tried telling them that but it's not something within their realm of thinking so it doesn't mean a whole lot. I can't understand their married life so I certainly don't expect them to understand my life. So instead of being hurt I have chosen to remove myself from the group. It's easier for me to say I made the decision instead of letting myself believe and realize I was actually left out.

People tell me how I should feel and that the way I view things is wrong or BS. That has happened my whole life. I've been invalidated by almost everyone I know. To be honest...the only people who haven't done that are people within my Twi-family. They accept me without judgement or telling me how I need to be, think or feel. I don't have to wear my mask when I'm with them or talk to them. Only one woman out of the GWO group I feel cares about who I am. The rest I don't think would show up to my funeral.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself but I've learned that life isn't what we start out thinking it is. After all of the abuse I've gone through I've given up on letting anyone close. I have friends but I don't have a best friend. I refuse to become involved with anyone romantically. There is way too much damage from a lifetime of being criticized, belittled, demeaned, beaten, raped, and thrown away. I've closed myself off. There isn't the option for anyone to get close to me. I stick to myself for the most part. I'm not a complete hermit but close enough to keep me comfortable in this life.

What I would like to know is...are there others out there like me? Have they almost completely shut down like I have? Have they realized their life is much easier and better keeping people at an arms length? Do they no longer have romantic feelings? Is there anyone out there like me?

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos

Friday, October 15, 2010


The DVD will be released on December 4. *heavens angels sigh* While doing my search I came across the Collectors Edition at Target. It will be a beautiful, beautiful start to the holidays don't you think? :)

Everyone needs to hear this

Gay, straight, black, white. I don't care who you are or what you are. Everyone needs to listen to this song and remember...stand in someone else's shoes before casting your personal judgement and agenda on others.

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Fan made

A fan made trailer of Breaking Dawn. Sometimes fan made trailers kick Summit's weak trailers all to hell.

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Humor and a good cause

Gotta love word of mouth. Sherri told me about a bracelet that she purchased and me being the girly girl I am...I had to check it out. Cathy makes the most beautiful bracelets. She also has a shop on Etsy. Go check her out and spend some money!!! Really...spend some. Her bracelets are worth it. :) Y'all need to click on the "like" button on her facebook! The woman has a killer sense of humor and will make you giggle everytime you read one of her posts.

This is the bracelet she created for Dee. A survivor of shaken baby syndrome. He is a wonderful little boy and the son of one of my best friends. Her bracelets are crocheted. How she crochets beads I have no bloody clue but she does and she does a fine job of it. She even makes Twilight bracelets!!! Have yet to buy one but one day I will. Well...I will when my checkbook will allow it in the budget. ;)

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Birthdays and Twilight

I'm tired of doing nothing for my birthday. Granted my last birthday I was treated to a weekend of pampering and seeing Michael Buble' by a man I used to date but honestly...he drove me out of my mind and completely batty. I remembered why we aren't together. *headdesk* I want to do something with friends and the one thing that keeps me from losing my mind. Twilight. A thought popped into my melon this morning. Why not spend my birthday in the one place that would surround me with Twilight? So the plan started to form. I checked my calendar and grinned. That is a weekend without children. Say it isn't so!!! I can spend my 44th birthday in Twilight heaven and not be worried about where my kids are? Oh the joy and fabulocity of it all!!!

So where am I going to immerse myself in all Twilight? I'm going to go here:

bellas house Pictures, Images and Photos

and here:

kalama high school Pictures, Images and Photos

and here:

Thunderbird & Whale bookstore in the movie, really a law office in St. Helens OR Pictures, Images and Photos

and here:

Twilight Alley Way Pictures, Images and Photos

and here:

View Point Inn Pictures, Images and Photos

and for a list of everywhere else:

Where will we be staying? In St. Helens of course!

So...for my Twi-friends who are reading this...just let me know if you can make it and I'll start getting everything put together. :)

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Must promote this...

I'm a Twilighter. Everyone knows that. Just look at my blog and it won't take long to figure it out. I do have to stray from my Twlight for a moment though. My friend, Linda Wolf of Cruises, Cruises, Cruises who put together the Twilight Fans Cruise I went on in August and is putting together the Twilight Cruise I'm going on next year has put together another theme cruise. Ready for it? Harry Potter! Yes my friends...there is going to be a Harry Potter themed cruise to the Caribbean. I spoke with Linda today and there are going to be LOOK ALIKES on the ship. She named off: Hagrid, Bellatrix, Sirius, Harry, Hermione and she is hopefully going to have a few more. Check out the link and if Harry Potter is your own personal brand of heroin...sign up!!! Yeah...I threw in the Twilight quote because...well because. ;)

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

People are just assholes...

Either that or they have some serious self esteem issues. While on my cruise I learned that there were people who thought I was a snob and said that I thought I was better than everyone else. WTF??? Are they kidding? Let's take a closer look at who I am shall we?

My past is so far from being of a snobbish kiss my ass kind of upbringing. My biological parents were alcoholics. My bio mother is on her 8th or 9th marriage. She smokes like a chiminey, textbook poor white trash and a total bitch. My adoptive parents were basically middle class. I didn't have the best of everything and we lived in a modest home. My first husband was unemployed and I supported us off of a part time waitress job at Red Lobster. mice were wealthier than we were. As long as he had his cigarettes life was good. For me...not so much hence the divorce. I currently live in a 1973 doublewide manufactured home. I drive a 2002 PT Cruiser. I shop for all of my clothes at thrift stores. I live from paycheck to paycheck. I will even admit to receiving food assistance from the state. So my question is...what in the hell is the basis for people thinking I'm a snob? By my looks or the fact that I'm not all up in someone's space when I first meet them? This isn't just from those people on the cruise. I get nasty looks from people I don't even know. There are days it's from everyone I cross paths with. Walk into the office building? Ugly looks from women coming out of the gym. Walk into the convenience store for a soda? Ugly looks from the woman behind the counter taking my money. Walk into Wal-mart for groceries? Ugly looks for just about every woman I walk by.

So what is it? I'm a kind person. I'm genuine and do not think of myself as better than anyone. I do what I can for my friends and I treat my friends with respect. I'm a good person. The people on the cruise, whom I thought were friends, talking trash about me when I truly did not do anything or say anything to deserve it really did hurt me. When I found that out I pretty much retreated into myself the rest of the trip. I still had fun but kept the real me from showing. I didn't go out of my way to be friendly to everyone. I stayed in my little circle. Will I do that in Italy? No but that is a different perspective for a different blog. My reason for this blog isn't looking for "fluff up my ego" comments. It's just me not understanding why I'm looked at in such a negative light. If I was a gossip and rude to people I could understand it. I'm neither of those traits so why the hate filled garbage being thrown in my direction?

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Mike Welch, Chaske Spencer and Jodelle Ferland Twi Cruise 2010

He karaoke's quite hilariously. He actually split his pants while singing Bohemian Rhapsody.

Here is the Q&A session...

Mike and his booty dance from Twilight.

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos

Home for a month

And I really wish I was back on the ship. Life is so much easier when you are on a cruise ship. No cares. No worries. Just having fun and relaxing. I can't even begin to say how much I enjoyed the trip. It was truly something that had to be experienced. Here is my trip in a quick pictorial:

Our first meeting. It was like seeing family again. :)

First day together

Welcome to Forks!!!


Forks Police car

Tracey at the Forks police station

What is left of Forks High School. I got lucky and there was a contractor giving a couple of girls a brick from the school. Yes...I got a brick also. :)

What's left of Forks High School. They are building a new one.

Bella's house. While we were here taking pics the owners were inside taking pics of us. LOL

Bella's house

Bella's place of employment.

Bella's place of employment

Mini meadow!!!! Okay...we were laying in a bunch of clover but it was our own meadow. :)

Mini meadow!!!

The Cullen house. This place is GORGEOUS!!!

Cullen's home

First Beach at La Push. I have fallen in love with this beach and to be kicks Cannon Beach's ass all over the place.

First Beach

Me and Rhonda at First Beach. I love this woman!!! She is one of the most amazing people I have been blessed to know. :)

Rhonda and Tracey at First Beach

Sitting or leaning on Bella's truck.

Tracey, Rhonda, Gary, Kristin, Kristine, Crystal, Charlene, Bella's truck

Need I say why I have this photo? ;)

Bella's second home.  ;)

Me and Rhonda


Kristin loves me. :) I love her too though so it's okay.

Kristin loves Tracey!!!  See?  LOL

All Twilight NOT eat at Bella Italia unless you are craving poor service and mediocre food. You have been warned.

Bella Italia.  Cool outside but service and food sucks.

We went to a Mariners game the night before we set sail and the game was boring beyond comprehension. The only excitement was the 300 section full of Twilighters. Here are some pics though.

Alice and Edward were there? Really!!! ;)

Alice and Edward at the Mariners game

Me, Alice and Edward. Oh...Alice is also holding Pocket Edward. Pocket Edward went everywhere with us!

Tracey with Alice and Edward

My crazy, outrageous, fun and loving friends!!!

The gang!!!

With the Cougar Family. I love them muchly. :) I am boring as hell compared to Mama Cougar. Mary is hilarious!!!

Sara, David, Tracey and Mary

Sandy is as crazy as I am about the saga. We commissioned someone in Canada to create a Renesmee doll for us. Yes...we are that obsessed.

Tracey and Sandy

Words fail me as to the reaction when we finally met face to face. For some reason Mary thinks I'm crazy. ;)

Tracey, Mary and Sandy at the Mariners game

This luggage is for only 4 people. It was sad to look at.

Lots o' luggage

80's karaoke night. Kristin was Madonna. Can ya tell? Right down to the "Boy Toy" belt buckle.


Uptown girls!!! I didn't sing. See me on the left? I was a backup dancer. LOL

Uptown girls

Partying after 80's partying. :)

80's night!

Courtney!!! Love this girl so much!!!

Tracey and Courtney 80's night

It was not a drunken boo-boo but trying to sit down and getting my good caught on a sign. It scarred. I have a forever memory in my leg now.

Tracey got a boo-boo. Thank goodness jasper wasn't around.

This picture makes me giggle. We were in the Crow's Nest and the boat rocked. When that happened all 7 of us rocked at the same time. That is the reason for the big smiles. Everyone who was watching started laughing at us. Too fun. :)

Cabin 1121 :)

My beautiful Irish friend, Ciara. Yes...we were both unsober. ;)


Me, Alex and Jaime at the costume ball. Free drinks all night!!!


Absolutely NOTHING made me laugh harder than this. It was during the Jeopardy game. This picture was the answer. The question was "Who is Rosalie Hale?". It was one of those "had to be there" moments. Anyone who was there will laugh at this picture. :)

No explanation necessary

Mike Welch was the emcee for Family Feud. The man is hilarious!!!


Jodelle Ferland is a doll and such a sweetie. :)


Glacier bay!!! See Pocket Edward? He loved it too.

Glacier Bay

Rhonda and me with a Quileute storyteller. He was such a nice man. Oh!!! See the wine Rhonda and I are drinking? Mulled wine my friends. Warm and oh so tasty. :)

Rhonda, Mr. Morganroth, Tracey

Look at the water!!! It was gorgeous!!


We created junk food junkies. Gary is from Holland and Adine is from New Zealand. They don't have Hostess treats where they live.

We created junk food junkies!!!  :)

Mendenhall glacier. It was gorgeous beyond any imagination.


First formal dinner night. :)

First formal night

No explanation needed.

Ya think?

Sitka was gorgeous when we were there. Blue sky all day and warm.


My family. I love them so much. This was our last night on board. *tear*

Our Twi-family!!!

Liz. LOL


Gorgeous brunettes.

Gorgeous brunettes

Me and Charlene. Don't ask why the tongue thing. I don't know.

Charlene and Tracey

Liz and Charlene and the tongue thing again.

Liz and Charlene...neah!!!!

Charlene and Rhonda. See? Tongues. We are nuts. ;)

Charlene and Rhonda....neah!!!

Sadly...the cruise had to end. Happily...I've put down the deposit for next year's cruise.

More memories. More time with my Twi-family. More living my life instead of existing in it. :)

Edward and Bella Pictures, Images and Photos