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Showing posts from January, 2010

What do you get when you combine a ship, Alaska and Twilight?

You get a lot of fun...that's what you get!!! I signed up for the cruise with complete trepidation. I had no clue what I was getting into. This was the first time I have ever decided to take a trip on my own and actually follow through on the deposit. Terror was the only think that rated up there with sheer and unadulterated excitement. Little did I know that I would be meeting some of the most amazingly wonderful people. We have formed a little family through Facebook and the cruise boards. A lot of people think I'm nuts. Maybe I am but...I will be surrounded for 10 days by people who are just as crazy about Twilight as I am. An experience of a lifetime. If you are as into Twilight as the 700 other people going on this cruise...give Linda a call. Tell her I sent you. You will be glad you did. :)

There are bag ladies. There are cat ladies. I'll be the book lady.

Seriously. I'm not capable of loving someone romantically. It's not in me. Not anymore. I loved once a very long time ago. That love ended August 1, 2004. I loved with all that I was in that relationship. I made mistakes but never did I think that my love would be thrown back in my face. It really didn't even enter my mind that it would be treated so callously and without regard. In the intervening 5 years I have dated sporadically and have had 2 "boyfriends" if that is what you want to call them. One lasted 2 months and the other just over a month. Neither was a healthy relationship and it was by Grace I was released from the relationships.

I shut down and closed myself completely off the day Darren and I ended things. I don't remember deciding to seal up my heart to romantic love but somewhere along the line that is exactly what I did. I'm not going to sit here and blame him for my coldness. He has his share of it but that is his cross to b…

Next floor...fantasyland. Where life is much better than reality.

I used to believe in love. Really. I did. I was one of those who had dreams of grandeur. Meet my prince, head over heels in love, marry, buy a house, have children and live happily ever after. my last long term relationship was the 2x4 upside my head that woke me up. Are you kidding me? Dreams do not come true. People kill them by settling. I'm a good example of settling. Did it in my first marriage. Did it in my last relationship. Both men I would have and should have never considered being in a relationship with. My first husband was a smoker. He was a video game junkie. He didn't have a job until just before I moved out. Hmmm...wonder what made me marry him? My last relationship? He had never been married and no children at the age of 37. Never had a relationship last longer than a year. Very secretive with his life even though I lived with him. Extreme addiction to online porn. Hmmm...wonder why I stayed with him? Oh I know the answer on both counts. I settled!!!

Do I blame…

Now I know I've become a new me

Never in my life did I think I would tell a man what I did the other day. A very nice man. Someone I've spoken to before and thought he was it for me. We parted ways and I let it go over a year ago. For some reason I emailed him the other day just to see how he is doing. It was nice to talk to him and his deep voice about melted me all over again. He said he missed me and that he wants to see me. Uh oh. Not the direction I was thinking when I emailed him. Crap. Seriously? How do I get myself into these messes? What I thought was going to be a mess turned out better than I thought. I told him that I really wasn't looking for a relationship right now. Yeah I know. Shocked me too. I've never ever ever told a man that. I usually just fade into the woodwork and he stops talking to me. I know...that's the cowards way but hey...I'm a coward sometimes. At least when it comes to letting a man know I'm not interested. This man wasn't upset with me…

Wenatchee or bust

Yep...heading up there tomorrow. How can I not when someone sends me a text saying "A little someone just told me (with a huge grin on his face) that he wants to see his auntie Tracey!"? Sherri plays dirty. :) I'm not complaining though. How can I say "no" to this face???
Sherri is evil and must die. Using a precious baby boy to get me to Wenatchee is just wrong. Then again...I've told her this many times yet I still love her to death and would never do anything to hurt her. Good thing she knows and accepts my sense of humor. So tomorrow? ROAD TRIP!!! :)

Emotional...what the freak????

Sometimes the stars align just right and everything becomes just as it should. I've mentioned on here before that I have a brother. I found that out 3 years ago. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the Google queen and if it's to be found...I will find it. Sadly...I never found my brother. I accepted that I most likely never would.

Let's skip forward to January 12, 2010. I have no clue what made me think of Scott tonight but I felt that I needed to put another ad on Craigslist in the area I thought he would be. I went grocery shopping and thought nothing of it. I come home, put the groceries away, get dinner going and check my email. There was one from the ad. I didn't think much of it since people on CL like to play games and that is just what I thought this one would be. I was so wrong. After a few emails sent back and forth...I found my brother.

I've gone through phases in the last 2 hours. Doubt, speechless, shock, inability to breathe, acceptance.…

Friends are wise

There are days when I want to just become a recluse and not deal with life in any way, shape or form. Then there are days when I need my friends so much that it is a physical need. Not in a sexual context but in a "I need advice and I cannot do this on my own" kind of way.

I'm a helping kind of soul. I don't want people making the same stupid mistakes that I've made. I want to try and help steer them in the direction of least pain and hurt. It is this part of me that can get me into trouble. Thankfully I can finally recognize when I'm about to step over the boundries and need to ask for advice. I've learned to talk things out with not just one friend but a few of them. I need to see all sides of a situation. To see when it will do good or blow up in my face.

I don't know where life would be for me if I didn't have my friends. They keep me grounded and I'm able to see situations through different eyes. It's the only way I can make…

Trains and baseball? They don't scare me. Yeah right.

This is a year of me facing many fears. Deep water is not my friend and yet I'm going on a cruise. Heights and I are not on great terms but I'm going on a ship which is quite tall. What was I thinking when I booked the cruise? I'm going to New York City in February and most likely the top of the Empire State Building will be on the agenda. Brilliant Tracey. I have these deep rooted fears and yet I do everything I can to really aggravate them.

Deep water and heights I believe I can cope with but I've decided to do something in August that has me panicked already. The cruise coordinator has arranged to have a Twilight night at a Mariners game the night before we set sail. It's no secret that I'm a diehard Twilight fan. If I have the funds and chance to do something that involves Twilight...I'm in. Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that I was very close to losing my life at a Mariners game June 18, 2005. I was standing next to a…

The Great Twi-drought of 2010

You have got to be kidding me!!! The Twilight world is like the Mojave Desert in the middle of August. Dead and dry!!! There is absolutely nothing happening. David Slade released one official photo of Edward and Bella a million minutes ago. That's it. Everything we have seen from "Eclipse". Edward and Bella sitting in the meadow.

The agony, and it is agonizing not having anything new, can be seen everywhere. Pick a Twilight blog, gossip site, photo site. You will find nothing new. I know I'm not the only one feeling it. Last night the cruisers got an email update regarding our trip. We will be going to a Mariners game and the Mariners are having a Twilight theme that night. Tickets are $15 and we get a souvenir t-shirt. More Twilight shirts to add to my ever growing collection.

Twilight baseball is all we have right now and the cruisers are almost holding that news with a chokehold. It's the most excitement we have had since New Moon was release…

Blessings and boy does life seem rosy now...

I am not a religious person and everyone who knows me knows this. I do not believe in organized religion and fully believe it is a man made concept that truly needs to be destroyed so God can be worshiped the way He wants to be. Not some idealized and bass ackwards way of thinking. I'm sorry but King James did not know what God wanted to say so who gave him the right to translate the bible into what he wanted? I do believe in God though and fully believe in heaven and hell. I firmly believe that 99% of the people who attend church are hypocrites. They preach and preach and preach but they do not in any way, shape or form live their words. I've seen it first hand. I'm not going to get into that though. What I am going to get into is how things happen for the good of a person's life.

There are times in life when a person thinks they are taking the right turn and making some wonderful choices for where they want the future to be. Let's call it "The Honey…

Letter to self

Avoid reading really old emails that have never been deleted. It serves no good purpose but to make you think and then next thing you know...tears are running down your cheeks. You cannot take back what you know was right for you. Letting him go was in your best interest. I know you miss him. I know you will always love him but it's done. The friendship is over. Cherish what you had for 26 years. He will always be a part of your life. Just not your future life. He loved you as much as you loved him. No one could or will touch what the two of you had. A deep and unconditional friendship. Don't you realize that is very rare? It's not something men and women are usually capable of. The two of you had that love for so long. You shared something that very few will ever be able to touch or even understand. Appreciate it. Cherish it. Bring it out sometimes and remember how he made you feel those nights when you had a little too much to drink and he had to bab…

Davis High alumni...what is going on?

Wow. Another classmate death. Julie Underwood passed away December 29, 2009. I have no clue how. I'll most likely know more later this evening. I went to church with her and also high school. She was such a kind and warm person. Her voice was amazing. There was just an inner glow about her that drew you into her.

I cannot believe that another classmate passed away in 2009. Off of the top of my head I can think of 3 people. Roger from a heart attack. Shelley was brutally murdered and now Julie. What is going on with the mid 1980's classes of A.C. Davis High School??? Just the class of '85 alone has had 12 or 13 classmates pass away. Murders, suicides, medical reasons. It's starting to really freak some of us out. By average that is one classmate every other year. It's scary to think "Who is going to be next?". Life is so short. We need to make the most of it because once it's's over. No second chances.

Rest In Peace …

New sidebar

If you will look at my sidebar you will see that I have added something. I'm going to be walking in the March of Dimes Walk for Babies in April. Natalie asked if I wanted to walk with her and with what happened to Luke...I couldn't say no. I don't know if CMV is something that can be totally obliterated from our lives or if it's a virus people need to just deal with and pray to God it doesn't affect unborn children. What I do know is that seeing poor Luke sick and not knowing what was going to happen tore me up. He is my heart after all. I love that little boy soooo much!!!

See my heart...?

He is beautiful. He is amazing and has the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen. I hope that you can help me reach my goal for this walk. Any amount is a good amount. :) Just click on widget and it will take you directly to my page. Thanks so much!!!

So many thoughts...

It's coming up on tax time. I'm a bit weirded out about that. Usually it's a simple thing for me. Go online. Log in to the tax company I use. Do a lot of data entry. Tax refund deposited in my checking account in 10 days. Quite simple. This year? Not so much. I bought a house last year. I have deductions now. The first time homebuyers credit is weighing heavy on my mind. I know that I qualify but not sure how it works. I hate having to hire someone to do my taxes. Last time I did that the idiot fouled everything up and boy were my finances in a mess from it. I have a friend who is an accountant but not too sure I want someone digging around in my financial stuff who I know on a personal level. I'm sure he is good at what he does but still... Lots to think about and put together in the next couple of weeks. Once my taxes are filed I will feel much better.

That last sentence takes me to WHY I will feel better. Well..the refund of course. I will get t…

A new year

Well the new year didn't start out the way I planned. Snow started falling around noon and didn't stop until way late into the night. Driving home was treacherous so I passed on going anywhere. The girls and I stayed home. It was a pretty emotional night for K but we got through it. This coming year will hold good things for her. I'm sure of it. As long as she stays focused and keeps her mind where it needs to be while learning lessons from the past...all will be well.

Today was a pretty crap day from the moment I logged onto my profile. What was said about me may have been meant as a joke but the person who said it has the sense of humor of a frog. There just isn't one. Things said at inappropriate times and things that are very hurtful and belittling. I had enough of it. I said my peace to this person and proceeded to delete and block him from my profile and my life. I just don't need his garbage. Life is too short for friends like that. I know when…