Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The joys of age and low tolerance for bullshit

This blog has become more of a way for me to vent, rage and then release.  I think that is okay.  Put it out in the blogosphere and if anyone reads it...oh well.  I'm not here for entertainment purposes.  I've been blogging for 10 years.  Although I haven't blogged in almost a year.  Guess life hasn't been too "dramatic" in that year.  That is a good thing.  So that must lead anyone who is reading this to think "Had a bit of drama lately huh?".  Yes...you could say that.    I am finding that the older I get the less I am able to put up with bullshit.  I have very little patience for stupidity or just lack of consideration.  Ended yet another friendship this week.  Not a long term friendship so it really didn't hurt me.  For me, the friendship was going downhill and had been for awhile.  It was one of those constant whining about how people are treating her but not making the changes to stop the treatment.  It was one of those things where she wanted me to give her happiness in her choices when there was no possible way I could.  Choices that were extremely bad for her.  I couldn't be fake to her.  I would just make mono syllable comments when she would text me.  Sometimes I would skirt around how I thought her choices were bad for her.  I wasn't the only person to tell her she was making bad decisions.  Anyway...it reached a boiling point on Monday and I lost it.  She made a snide comment that had zero to do with what I was talking about and that was all it took.  I was done.  In the last 2 days she has fabricated stuff and telling people I said things which I never said.  In her words "her perception".  In my words "twisting things around to make me sound like a bitch".  I know what was said.  Another friend knows what I said since I BCC'd her on the email.  I know enough to CYA.  CYA = cover your ass.  I've had my words twisted many times so I have learned to get a 3rd party involved on the sly.   Once my words were twisted and "perceived" I wrote this person off. 

I don't know what it is about me finding women who are two-faced and backstabbing.  I'm quite adept at finding them, befriending them, only to have them turn their ways on me.  You would think I'd learn.  If someone is going to trash talk people whom they say are their friends then they will surely trash talk about me.  I believe she did this with all of my heart.  I believe if there was something snide or bad to say about me she was on the fast train to trash talk me to anyone who would listen to her.  Mainly people who don't know me or hate me anyway.

 I let the friendship go on longer than I should have.  I felt myself become one of those fake friends.  If there is anything I am it is not fake.  I'm not two faced.  I cannot pretend to be nice to someone that I don't get along with.  I cannot pretend to be happy for someone when everyone and their dog knows they are making a huge mistake.  It's just not who I am.  I used to be that way.  I'm going to say it's my age.  I'm just too old for games and bullshit.  I don't enable anyone and I will call it like I see it.  Sometimes it pisses people off but I will be true to my friends and give them honesty.  If there isn't honesty in a friendship then why the hell are you friends to begin with?

Thinking about this situation today and I wondered "Am I really heartless?".  I don't think so.  I worry about my friends when they have problems.  I cry when they cry.  I will listen when they need to rant and vent.  I will be there for them through thick and thin.  It's the two-faced crap I can't deal with.  It's the whining about things but doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  It's draining.  I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'll be the first to say I am far from it.  It's just exhausting and draining when I give someone advice, the same advice others have given them, and yet they continue acting and doing the exact way they were before the advice.  At some point it's time to walk away and let that person do what they are going to do.  However, I will not allow someone in my life who lives to talk trash about her friends.  Even her best friend she talks trash about.  That is just more than I could and will accept in a friendship.  True, genuine and honest friendships are precious and rare.  Those are the only kind of friendships I will accept.  Anything less and it's goodbye.  I don't have to settle for less.  I have to make myself happy and in this instance, I am at peace and happy with my decision.  It was a long time coming and it was good.




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