Today is my last day of work for the next 10 days. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I've never been on a trip of this magnitude alone. I'm excited to meet everyone that I have been texting, chatting, emailing and talking to for the past year. This is just completely out of my comfort zone. I'm just a bundle of emotions right now. Terrified, excited, nervous. I am border tears because I am so ready to meet my Twi-family. I've met a couple of people already so that helps. It's all so surreal. I'm sure I'm going to have an absolutely amazing time. I just need to get over the initial jitters. Will post tons of pics when I'm home. :)
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...