Life as I know it...

Only 2 1/2 days and my babies will be home. Well...they will be in the same town I am in. Poor K has to go to her fathers for 3 weeks. That is a subject I will leave alone. I've been so bored these past 2 1/2 weeks. Nothing to really do but sit around and watch the grass grow. I did do the dishes and cleaned up my living room. That is something...right? Criminey I miss my kids. I don't think that they need to leave for that long of a period again. Mom said that the girls are getting fussy. She agrees that it's time for them to come home. I do not know what I would do if I didn't have my kids. I'm not married or dating anyone. I don't have a lot of money to go do things. I need my kids. They are a great source of entertainment. :) I never thought I would ever been a person who would become so attached to a person. WOW....am I ever attached to K and J. Life is full because of them.

Well yesterday sucked the big frozen banana. It is frozen because it's so blasted hot!!! My little dude is gone. I went into J's room to check on him and he was curled up in a little ball. He looked like he was asleep but he wasn't in his normal sleeping area of the cage. I can tell you...it sucked. I had to call K to let her know. She was very monotone about it. This would be from her being told that crying shows a sign of weakness and you should never cry or you will be made fun of. Being the emotional person I am...you know I was not the one to tell her this. Anyway...I cleaned the little dude up (he had bedding on his fur and I wanted him to look nice...not dead.), I put him in a little box with some bedding and buried him near our flowers. Yes...I was bawling the whole time. I loved that little guy. He was the best hamster. Never bit..well he did once when a bonehead went to pick him up while he was sleeping...he would sometimes give kisses, he would play in his ball a...

Wedding gown...wedding gown....who needs a wedding gown? I have a stupid wedding gown hanging in my closet that is taking up space. It's a beautiful gown. Someone would look gorgeous in it. I only know of two weddings coming up. One girl already has her gown. The other...I wouldn't even consider letting her have it. I've tried selling it on Ebay. No luck. Think trying to sell it at a yard sale might work? Me and my stupid ideas...what made me think I would get married again? Good grief. Not that I'm a bad catch or anything...there are just WAY too many freaks out there. Nope...Tracey is happy just the way she is. :)

I'm making up for slacking the past few weeks. ;) Good heavens but this man is amazing. LOL

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!! Just checking to see if you are paying attention....;)

I was looking through some old email today and came across a couple of emails I received when lovinstitch was still around. I know everyone knows the BS I was dealing with and even though I am really putting myself out there with this and maybe even possibly shouldn't post it...I am going to. I have no secrets and never will...so read and come to your own conclusions. Well, well, the bitch Tracey is at it again. Wanting to slam Kim in anyway possible. Do all you want Tracey. I think everyone should know about you and your past too. Good God, where should I start, with her herpes, no, maybe with her being raped in the asshole, or about her ex-husband (this is highly private and I will not under any circumstances post it unlike the person who wrote it...I have consideration for others) She goes on dates with men and turns them off in the first five minutes by telling them all about her past and all she has been through. She claims to be a Christian but, she has no clue what that is. ...

Do you ever just want to withdraw from life for awhile? Right now I just want to curl up on my couch for the next week. No work, no friends...no nothing. Just me and my DVD's. I know where all of this is coming from. My kids are gone for starters. I miss them like the dickens and it's driving me crazy. I have 2 weeks to go before they are home again. Well...J will be home. K has to go to her fathers for 3 weeks after she gets back. A visit she really doesn't care to go on. Another reason for this...I'm out of estrogen. I need to get my script refilled. Does it to me everytime. Today I did absolutely nothing. Well...laundry and watched movies. I just didn't have it in me to face the world today. I took a nap late in the evening so that little mistake will cost me until late tonight. I've been talking to a few friends and all of them agree that I should consider writing. A couple of them think I should write either short stories or a novel. Wit...

100 things you always wanted to know about moi... 1. I was born on April Fools Day 2. I am adopted 3. I met my biological mother when I was 19 4. I haven't seen her since I was 21 5. I have no desire to see her 6. I have a biological sister 7. She is 2 years older than me. 8. I love her very much 9. I miss my sister 10. I haven't seen her for over 10 years. 11. My biological mother isn't sure who my father is 12. It could be one of 2 men. 13. My grade school crush lasted 5 years. 14. His name was David. 15. He was killed during a training flight while he was in the Air Force. 16. A bird flew through the cockpit and killed him. 17. He never knew how I felt about him. 18. I still have a valentine he gave me in grade school. 19. His best friend was my attorney at one time 20. I love Cadillac Margaritas 21. I love Mexican food 22. I sometimes get up at 2am to drink a glass of milk 23. If I have homemade brownies in the house, I'll have those with the milk 24. I love good cl...

My weekend plans have changed. I was going to head over to Seattle and have lunch with my friend, Laine, but somethings have come up for her and we are having lunch next weekend. BTW...Love you Laine and I'm here if you need to talk. (((((hugs))))) Now to figure out what I want to do...I'm thinking yard sales. I love yard sales. :) I need to mow the lawn, pull the weeds, water my plants, clean my house, do the laundry, change the cat box, do the dishes, vaccum everywhere, sweep and mop the floors....but....screw it!!! It will be there Sunday. LOL

What a weekend. You can safely say it borderline sucked. I'm glad it's over. My arm was killing me all weekend. One good thing happened though. Well a couple of things. I got some great clothes at the Lighthouse on Saturday. Lighthouse=thrift store. I went grocery shopping with my mom and the girls yesterday. While perusing the aisles I walked past a man. Not just any man but a quite good looking man. He smiled at me, I smiled at him. This happened various times while perusing the aisles. K decided she wanted a mocha from St*rbucks so I said "sure". This quite good looking man stopped and chatted with me for a bit and then went on his way. At that point I decided to take the bull by the horns and write down my phone number. Being the borderline coward that I am...K took it over to him while he was in the produce section. Well...my boldness paid off. He called me last night. :) After my last fiasco with a man you would think I wouldn't even want ...

Love, relationships and marriage. It's all a flipping game created just to mess with your heart and mind. Love does not exist. It's just a fantasy to give us delusions of grandeur. Relationships....well don't get me started on those. They are not a 50/50 thing. One party is the giver and one is the taker. Period. Compatibility? Give me a freaking break. People are not compatible. What it comes down to is one of the two in the relationship gives in and becomes who they aren't to make the relationship work. Marriage...well that is just a joke and what is the point? Why spend the thousands of $$$ for a wedding when the damn marriage will end? Save the money and go on vacation. At least you won't have any regrets. I have a damn wedding gown in my house that I wish to hell I knew what to do with it. I sit back and think..."Why in the hell did I buy all of this crap when the wedding was never going to take place to begin with???" I have the whol...

Wondering about my date on Sunday aren'tcha? LOL Well wonder no more. The guy was an ass. Plain and simple. All he talked about was sex or there were sexual innuendo's. After lunch...he wanted to pull off onto a secluded road...we were up in the mountains...and have sex. HELLO!!! I told him no. When he asked why, I explained that I had made a vow to myself to not have sex until I was married or in a serious and committed relationship. His response to that? "Well vows are meant to be broken". I don't think so!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say...I won't be seeing him again. Men....all of them are schmucks. Well...my friends aren't but men I date....schmucks. My parents are going to be here tomorrow evening. This is a good thing. I still have some stuff to finish around the house but all in all...it looks good. I decided that I needed to paint part of my living room on Sunday. Not the brightest thing....LOL One more wall to paint and I'll be done. It's a nic...

It has been a tough week for me. Even though it was short...still hard. Finding out about the death of my father really sucked. I've been on an emotional roller coaster all week and I'm thankful the week is over. I have finally come to the point where I am no longer in love with Darren and holding onto some hope of him being back in my life. I realized it on Monday night when he canceled getting together Memorial weekend. It's ok though. I truly believe that is what God's will was for the weekend. It was Him saying...ok Tracey...time to let go. Gosh He has been doing that a lot lately. LOL When Darren called and said he wouldn't be coming by it was like a huge weight was lifted off of my heart. I felt free...a feeling I hadn't felt in years. I know I've said it before but I think I was just saying the things I was so I wouldn't look like a total idiot for still loving him. Deep down, the love was still there and I had no clue how to let it go. Having the...

I will one day find love again. I finally found my release...even though I've been saying it for the past year and 1/2. It's finally over. My heart finally got it's release this last weekend. I had to see it for myself. I couldn't accept it by friends and family telling me. Everything became crystal clear Monday night. As soon as plans were cancelled...yet again...it was like the light bulb went off and the love I was still holding onto disappeared. I now have hope. Hope of finding the love I deserve. A man who will think the world of me and will only have eyes for me. It's nice to finally be free. Free to move on and pursue things I never thought I could persue again. This is a good thing. :)