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Showing posts from April, 2022

Musings and an update...

 Update: Vampire says that I have hyperthyroidism.  I knew this.  I was born with 1/2 of a thyroid.  Freaked my endocrinologist out when he first saw my scans.  He said he had never seen that before.  So see?  I'm special and unique.  My doctor told me so.  ;) Was doing some musing today and I thought about my childhood.  How my mother was not a warm fuzzy mother.  No hugs, no "I love you's", no feeling loved by her.  I always felt I was a mistake to her.  When she told me that she left me alone after I took a bottle of pills when I was 17, I knew in my soul, that I was never truly wanted by her.   Honestly, I believe she did not want a daughter at all but adopted me to make my dad happy.   They adopted my brother 4 years after me and he was the apple of her eye and always has been.  I was the "trouble child". She would always say "Tracey is so moody".   Now that I think back on it, yes I...

Saw the vampire

 Had my blood drawn the other day.  Dr wants to see what is causing my memory loss.   She does think that part of it is my depression, which I will agree with but...these headaches are constant and every single day.  Forgetting things that I should not forget is frightening.   She did run a test on me the last time I saw her and I am right on the border of mild cognitive memory loss.  That was not comforting.  I see her again next week and I truly hope we can figure out what is going on because this is becoming frightening.   As for the meds...I'm finally past the jittery and nausea garbage.  Still can't eat much but that saves on groceries right?  I was driving to work today and was thinking "Why did I throw away almost 20 years of my life and not take the meds I knew worked for me?  Why did I give 20 years of my life to hating The Monster for what he did to me?  Why wasn't I strong enough to say 'fuck you assho...