Life as I know it...

I've experienced all of it and anyone who says emotional and mental abuse isn't truly abuse needs to step into someone's shoes who have lived it.  To those who have done the latter paragraph...man up and apologize because if you don't...you are no different than the monster who raises their fist.

You're too fat You're too thin You're too pretty You're not pretty enough Seriously. These are things that have been said to me by men.   Men who have asked me out.  Men who have proposed marriage.  I want to understand why.  Why do these men feel that it is within their rights to say hurtful things to me?  It just doesn't make sense.  I've become cynical. Extremely cynical when it comes to men, relationships and the dreaded "L" word.  Love. What an ugly four letter word that is.  LOVE.  People don't mean it anymore.  It's just another word to throw around.  But, say that word and you believe you are given the right to say whatever you feel is okay to the person you just said you love.  Whether it is a compliment or verbal abuse. I don't believe in love.  I haven't in a very long time.  It may work for others and that's great but in my world?  Not at all.  For me,  love means being abused, treat...

I have been needing to say this for a very long time.  Like 15 years long.  You have been under the impression that I am still hung up on you, have feelings for you and wishing we could get back together.  I need to make one thing perfectly clear.  You are dead wrong.  I have not felt any of those things for you in many many years.  I can understand though  you questioning why this is directed towards you.  I'll tell you why.  Because you broke me.  You were the straw that broke the camels back.  Let's get into the why's shall we? When you met me you knew, as I did not keep secrets from you, that I had been abused.  Not only physically but mentally and emotionally.  You KNEW this!!!  What did you do with that bit of information?  You exploited it.  You used it for your own gain.  You used it to destroy who I was.  I was a very positive person when you met me.  I felt good about myself. ...

I don't believe in love.  I stopped on August 1, 2004.  My last relationship was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.    His abuse, his demeaning, his belittling was the cherry on top of the sundae that is my life.  Let's start with 3 major relationships in my life. 1. He said he loved me.  He allowed his mother to verbally abuse me without coming to my defense. 2.  He said he loved me.  Then he raped me, beat me more than once, mentally/emotionally abused me.  Enjoyed telling me that I'm a whore and a piece of shit.  He let me know that no man other than him would ever want me. 3.  He said he loved me.  He was addicted to online porn and had a virtual affair with a woman named Barbie.  He enjoyed telling me how unattractive I am, how fat I am, that he is only with me because he didn't want another broken relationship, how I am the reason he couldn't get a hard on. Every last one of these men I trusted, t...