I'm learning so much about why I am the way I am. I've been mentally ill my whole life or at least from grade school to now. I've always battled depression. It came across as teenaged angst when I was younger but the older I got, I didn't have an excuse. I was told to just be happy. I wanted to be happy. I really did. I physically could not be that way. I gave myself to those who were abusive. Who took advantage of me. Who treated me less than. I accepted what I thought I deserved. I still think I deserve nothing short of being abused. I don't believe I deserve love. With my medication and now learning I'm hyperthyroid...I see why I am the way I am. I was born with 1/2 of a thyroid. There is an actual medical reason for why I'm 50 shades of fucked up. My anti-depressants help to a point but they can only do so much. On April 10th, I have an appointment with...