Life as I know it...

Have a safe and fabulous Halloween!!!

Things are progressing here. I've made some calls and the ball is rolling. I'm so relieved that we are going to get the help our house needs. All 3 of us have some serious healing to do. I believe that once that occurs we will be a stronger and closer little family than we could ever think was possible. As Stitch says "This is my family. It's little...and broken...but still good. Yeah...still good"

Yesterday was a rough day. A lot of talking and crying. It breaks my heart to see my daughter in so much pain. What really cuts into my heart and soul is that I have caused part of her pain. I know that I have a lot of wrong things with her. Things that were done out of anger towards her father and his household. All I can do is apologize to her for those wrongs and I did do that yesterday. It was a difficult thing to admit to myself. I know I'm not a perfect mom and I will admit to my faults. To know that I am part to blame for how angry my daughter is just tears me up. My anger and frustration with her father should have never been put upon her shoulders. I feel so guilty and I need to find a way to work through that. I'm calling to set up some counseling for her. At least she agreed to that. I was so thankful by the time the conversation was done. It was a civilized talk and no yelling. That is a first for us. Maybe we are both growing up and learning. It's going to be a...

I'm playing with my formatting. Sorry for all of the tests and whatever other nonsense that may come across. ;)

I just got off of the phone with the one woman I try to not talk to. K's stepmother. I had called her father and got his voicemail. It's October and he is usually gone hunting. When I spoke with the SM I found out something quite interesting. Seems that the blatant disregard for rules is not just in my home. It's in theirs also. The SM is a nurse and sometimes she is on-call. A duh statement right? Apparently that doesn't matter with K. Last time she was at their house she snuck the phone into her bedroom and was making phone calls after 10pm. Excuse me??? That is a no-no in my home and from what I know of her father...it's the same rule. No late night phone calls. Especially when someone is on-call for their job. I asked the SM to please keep the lines of communication open with me as I am very worried about K. I told her that I've read some emails that K has written about her boyfriend and her which are very concerning to me. I also asked that...

If you have the above please send them to me. I am a mom to an almost 14 year old girl. She has a boyfriend whom I have yet to meet. He did get help get her in trouble today. They were holding hands at school and that is a no-no. This was the second time they were caught. A referral soon followed. Detention will be going hand in hand with that referral. That referral also warranted a phone call to me here at work. I'm a pissed off mom. My daughter is spiraling out of hand at this point. Her boyfriend is touching her in places no 14 year old should be touching. Friends are daring her to touch his...dare I say it....balls while they are in between classes. She is talking about making out with him with her friends. Am I worried? Oh you have no idea. She is working very hard on obtaining a reputation at school and it won't be a good one. I was informed by my teenager yesterday that she is embarrassed by me and the fact that we are poor. She is angry at me because ...

Went to see the surgeon yesterday. Thankfully it was at the end of the day instead of the beginning. At least I got to enjoy the day before my mind became a mush pot. Lots of details, explanations and different routes to take with this surgery. Right now I'm so messed up in my head and overwhelmed with the decisions I need to make. Difficult decisions that I really wish I wasn't making on my own. I wish I had a husband to talk to. Even a boyfriend would be nice. Someone I could bounce thoughts off of and get his thoughts. I know that ultimately it's my decision but to have someone who loves me and is standing behind me in all that I do would be a great help. I have my friends and they have been amazing. I just hate burdening them with this crap when they have their own lives and issues to contend with. Mark with his damage from hurricane Ike for instance. That is a big thing for him. He doesn't need my whining when he has big stuff going on also. Being a single mom isn...

That would be a big fat... NO CANCER!!! I called the doctor's office today and the nurse was out but the nurse who answered the phone gave me the results. On the right there are fibrocystic masses. Well that was news to me!!! On the left there are masses and while they weren't fibrocystic they did not present as worrisome to the doctor. YEAH!!! I did leave a message to have my nurse call me. I'm still going through with the bilateral mastectomy. I CANNOT go through this stress every 6 months or even every year. It was and is just too much for me to handle. I'm really thinking I want to wait until after our trip to Vegas in April. I guess it all depends on when I can get the reconstruction. Save that subject for after my conversation with Kristi. :) For now... NO CANCER!!!!

That all is lost...you find that little bit of faith you thought you lost in humanity. Today I was given just a bit of my lost faith back. A woman that I met at the church I used to attend (yes...I used to go to church...wipe that shocked look off of your face...sheesh) saw me walking into work today so she had to yell at me to get my attention. I was focused don't ya know? She wanted to know what was going on and how I was doing. I told her about the MRI on Friday and where things stood with that. She asked if I had health insurance and was stunned to find out that I didn't and can't even get help through the state without quitting my job. She said she is keeping me in her prayers and then said she is going to get to work on a fundraiser for me. HUH? What did you say? I said FUNDRAISER! My pride was pushed aside and accepted her offer. How can I not? I'm facing medical bills that will meet or exceed $20,000. Hello. I don't make that much in 2 freaki...

Yep...I am heading to Seattle on the 10th. Not for any kinds of fun and excitement though. Well...I will be a little loopy after noon that day. I'm going in for my MRI. Seeing how I am completely and totally claustrophobic...they are going to drug me. A "mild" sedative. Whatever. That is what they said when I was heading in for my hyster. Once they introduced the sedative into my IV I was out before they even wheeled me to the door. I'm a serious pansyass when it comes to medication. One vicodin and I'm out. WHEE!!! So with that said...I will be bringing someone to drive me home. Hopefully I will be back to normal after a 2 1/2 hour drive. Once the MRI is out of the way and my Doc has read it I will be scheduling the surgery. I've decided that if there isn't cancer to be found...I will put off surgery until after April. I will be off of work for 2 weeks and I will have one week vacation coming to me in April. Not getting paid for a week is...

Don't even tell me ya'all don't remember that song. It's on the radio right now and I'm remembering when life was so much easier. No worries other than the Friday night game and dances at the civic center. Being 17 was such an amazing year for me. I loved being carefree and living life to the fullest. I had a lot of friends, my drivers license, a car and my parents would give me money for gas, going out and clothes. No bills and no expenses I had to pay on my own. Yes...I was spoiled. I didn't have to work and could sleep in on the weekends without kids or a dog yelling at me. Medical concerns weren't even part of my thought processes. Now it's almost 25 years later and those carefree, no responsibility days are long gone. Last night I was laying in bed thinking about where my life is heading in the next few months. Never in my 41 years did I imagine taking the road I am on. Don't get me wrong...I'm not regretting making the decision I have made....