Skip to main content

Decisions and just what do I do?

Went to see the surgeon yesterday. Thankfully it was at the end of the day instead of the beginning. At least I got to enjoy the day before my mind became a mush pot. Lots of details, explanations and different routes to take with this surgery. Right now I'm so messed up in my head and overwhelmed with the decisions I need to make. Difficult decisions that I really wish I wasn't making on my own. I wish I had a husband to talk to. Even a boyfriend would be nice. Someone I could bounce thoughts off of and get his thoughts. I know that ultimately it's my decision but to have someone who loves me and is standing behind me in all that I do would be a great help. I have my friends and they have been amazing. I just hate burdening them with this crap when they have their own lives and issues to contend with. Mark with his damage from hurricane Ike for instance. That is a big thing for him. He doesn't need my whining when he has big stuff going on also.

Being a single mom isn't easy. Sometimes it flat out sucks. Being alone every night I go to bed? Difficult at best. Lonely as hell. There is only one silver lining at this point. I don't have cancer and this is a decision I don't need to make immediately. Maybe for now I just need to put it on the back burner and not think about it. At least for awhile...

Popular posts from this blog

Too much...

 There are days I enjoy living my life.  There are days I thoroughly hate it.  Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown.  Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying.   Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope.   Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship.  Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again.  I've been told she has been married 4...
Read more

2004 - 2023

  Twenty years ago, I was a mess. I was belittled and demeaned to the point where I hated myself and would have done anything to hurt those who hurt me. From family to friends to men. I lashed out, created more drama than was necessary and didn't care who I hurt. As long as they were hurt before they hurt me, I justified my words and actions. If someone DID hurt me? God help them. I held nothing back. I'm not proud of who I was. I am ashamed of who I was. I did things I should have never done, and I cannot take any of it back no matter how desperately I wish I could. Today, in 2023, I am someone completely different than who that woman was in 2004. I'm not the unmedicated mentally ill person anymore. I'm getting healthy not only mentally but physically. I'm more successful than I was told I would ever be. I'm not the loser bitch that I was told I was. I'm a good person with an "I have gone through hell" history. I am a woman who struggles with ea...
Read more

People who say they love you...

Shouldn't be the very people who hurt you the most.  For me, the worst damage comes from those who said they loved me and they were the people who destroyed me.  And people wonder why I don't believe in love. 
Read more