There are days I enjoy living my life. There are days I thoroughly hate it. Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown. Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying. Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope.
Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship. Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again. I've been told she has been married 4 or 5 times, so, based upon that bit of information, I'm sure this marriage will end within a couple of years. Odds are stacked against it surviving. Not sure if that makes me feel bad for him or thinking "Karma is a bitch, isn't it?"
My brother text me on Saturday letting me know my mother's sister passed away. I should have been upset. I wasn't. I felt nothing. No tears, no sense of loss. Absolutely no feeling at all. How do I feel anything towards a family member who was highly judgmental of me and my children? She was as bad as my mother, cousins and another aunt. No feelings left for them; no tears were shed. Just being contacted by my brother was not something I wanted. That is a part of my life I have closed the door on and never want it re-opened.
I have a cruise coming up in 66 days and I can safely say, I am beyond ready for this trip. I desperately need a vacation.