Each day that passes is a day I see my life, past and present, a bit clearer. I see who I am and who I've always been. I grew up in a house where love wasn't something we said or showed. I realize now, I wasn't taught how to love. I had a brother who was very verbally abusive towards me and a mom who just didn't seem to care. Her focus was on my brother. My dad was quiet and didn't say a whole lot of anything. My parents were raised in homes that didn't show or say love so they carried that into the raising of their kids. My brother is the same way. I looked at a photo of my mom today and I felt like I was looking at a stranger. I always wanted a mom and I would do everything I could to make my mom into that person. She just isn't and I can see that no matter how much I sugar-coat who she is and what she did to me, the reality of it is that she didn't want me. She made that very clear 3 years ago. It's trying to grasp that I was truly unwanted by the one person who was supposed to love me, protect me and always be there for me. I wasn't rejected by one mother but two. Not easy to accept that but I'm getting there. One day at a time.