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Love is just a four-letter word

You're too fat
You're too thin
You're too pretty
You're not pretty enough

Seriously. These are things that have been said to me by men.   Men who have asked me out.  Men who have proposed marriage.  I want to understand why.  Why do these men feel that it is within their rights to say hurtful things to me?  It just doesn't make sense.  I've become cynical. Extremely cynical when it comes to men, relationships and the dreaded "L" word.  Love.

What an ugly four letter word that is.  LOVE.  People don't mean it anymore.  It's just another word to throw around.  But, say that word and you believe you are given the right to say whatever you feel is okay to the person you just said you love.  Whether it is a compliment or verbal abuse.

I don't believe in love.  I haven't in a very long time.  It may work for others and that's great but in my world?  Not at all.  For me,  love means being abused, treated as less than, walked on and in general...despised for the person you are.  Love means nothing in my world and will most likely never mean anything.  I don't believe someone can love another person, or at the least love me, without ulterior motives to destroy me. 

I used to believe in love.  With all that I am I believed it.  I would love with all of my heart and gave everything I had to that man.  It was thrown back at me in ways that noone should ever experience.  It took many tries to find what love is.  I found the same thing over and over again. 

Love isn't kind, love isn't compassionate.  Love is nothing more than a word people use in order to destroy another.  For me...I don't need it.  Not now.  Not ever. 

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