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I was looking through some old email today and came across a couple of emails I received when lovinstitch was still around. I know everyone knows the BS I was dealing with and even though I am really putting myself out there with this and maybe even possibly shouldn't post it...I am going to. I have no secrets and never will...so read and come to your own conclusions.

Well, well, the bitch Tracey is at it again. Wanting to slam Kim in anyway possible. Do all you want Tracey. I think everyone should know about you and your past too. Good God, where should I start, with her herpes, no, maybe with her being raped in the asshole, or about her ex-husband (this is highly private and I will not under any circumstances post it unlike the person who wrote it...I have consideration for others) She goes on dates with men and turns them off in the first five minutes by telling them all about her past and all she has been through. She claims to be a Christian but, she has no clue what that is. No Christian would ever type these slanerous things about someone on the internet. I have one thing to say Tracey.... FUCK YOU BITCH!!!!!!!! Oh wait, there is more, she dates married men! Then gets chummy with their wife when they find out about it. How pathetic is that? You make me fucking sick. Oh by the way, her new blog is kristinedaae.blogspot.com, check out the supposed Christian women on that one.

The above quote was written by a man I had considered dating. In all honesty I am still trying to figure out what it is about my past makes me a horrible person and to warrant the above comment.

1.) The STD...doesn't make me a bad person. I just dated the wrong man and will pay for that for the rest of my life.
2.) Getting raped? Well that wasn't quite my fault now was it? Rape is defined as forced, manipulated or coerced sexual intercourse (or other sexual act) against the will of the victim
3.) Telling men about my past in the first 5 minutes? Oh please...I may talk about my past but it's not in the first 5 minutes. Besides...the guy who wrote this did the same thing. Anyway...who in the dating world doesn't discuss their past? Right or wrong...we all do it.
4.) Dating a married man? Well that is interesting since he said he was divorced when I met him and I didn't know about the wife until I did some investigating of my own (which the above mentioned female in the quote said I should do) and found out the truth from the WIFE!!! Hence...I stopped dating him and talking to him!!!

I have no secrets. I see no reason to have them. I have put myself out there and my deepest secrets have been shown. I'm not embarrassed. I'm not humiliated. I'm human. To be perfectly frank...I'm glad I did this post. It was cleansing. It has shown me that despite the things I have done in the past...I'm still a good person. My past doesn't dictate who I will be. I've made some mistakes...some of them pretty bad. Should those mistakes be continually thrown into my face? No. I have let them go. If I am to be healthy and one day possibly be in a healthy relationship...they need to be left in the past. I found a very cool little blurb that actually fits with this post:

You are a tree and your fears are the roots. The more you are afraid and the more you cry over them the more they will grow. And sooner or later, they will have grown so much, that they will control your life. When you have a fear tell a friend and try to over come that fear as soon as possible. If you dont they will be with you forever.


I am not going to allow my fears to control my life. My fears of not fully trusting new friends because of what was done to me by who I thought were good friends. My fears that all men are complete asses and are out to hurt me. Sure I have met nothing but complete asses in the dating area....but not all men can be that way....right?

I'm doing ok. I know I am.

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