Well yesterday sucked the big frozen banana. It is frozen because it's so blasted hot!!! My little dude is gone. I went into J's room to check on him and he was curled up in a little ball. He looked like he was asleep but he wasn't in his normal sleeping area of the cage. I can tell you...it sucked. I had to call K to let her know. She was very monotone about it. This would be from her being told that crying shows a sign of weakness and you should never cry or you will be made fun of. Being the emotional person I am...you know I was not the one to tell her this. Anyway...I cleaned the little dude up (he had bedding on his fur and I wanted him to look nice...not dead.), I put him in a little box with some bedding and buried him near our flowers. Yes...I was bawling the whole time. I loved that little guy. He was the best hamster. Never bit..well he did once when a bonehead went to pick him up while he was sleeping...he would sometimes give kisses, he would play in his ball and in general was a great pet. I text Darren to let him know about it. He liked Raisin as much as we did. He emailed me this morning and he felt bad and hoped that the girls were ok. I think the kids were better than I was. It sucked....but there are some pretty flowers and there will be a nice cross where he is. It's nice having people who care. :)
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...