Do you ever just want to withdraw from life for awhile? Right now I just want to curl up on my couch for the next week. No work, no friends...no nothing. Just me and my DVD's. I know where all of this is coming from. My kids are gone for starters. I miss them like the dickens and it's driving me crazy. I have 2 weeks to go before they are home again. Well...J will be home. K has to go to her fathers for 3 weeks after she gets back. A visit she really doesn't care to go on. Another reason for this...I'm out of estrogen. I need to get my script refilled. Does it to me everytime. Today I did absolutely nothing. Well...laundry and watched movies. I just didn't have it in me to face the world today. I took a nap late in the evening so that little mistake will cost me until late tonight. I've been talking to a few friends and all of them agree that I should consider writing. A couple of them think I should write either short stories or a novel. With how my life has gone...I could write a pretty good fact based fiction novel. :) We will see how it goes. I'll go get an el cheapo journal at the $$ Tree and start writing out some experiences and see where that takes me. My friend, Spencer, said he would help me out. With Laine being a published author...I'm sure I can get her input also. Who'da thunk it? Me a writer. LOL
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...