I do that's who!!! But...I need weekends that are good and not stressful and bring me to tears. I hate crying. My last relationship taught me that little tidbit. Crying is a sign of weakness and lets others know that they have affected you in some way. I was seriously affected yesterday and I lost it. During the situation I was in it was brought to my attention that I don't value my friends and in essence I'm not a good friend. I was called a liar which pissed me right the hell off but I got past that. It was the friend statement that really got me to thinking and questioning myself.
My friends are my lifeline. Without them I know that I would hole up somewhere and most likely lose all sense of what life is. I know I'm not a perfect friend. No one is. I make mistakes. I'm human. I try to do the best I can. I'm beginning to realize that it's not enough. I have to learn to hold my tongue and not speak what I'm thinking...no matter if advice is asked of me or not. I have to learn to be a "silent" friend. Someone who just smiles and nods. I'm already the type of friend who will listen when someone needs to vent. Now I just need to keep my mouth shut. I need to learn that my problems are my own. No one wants to listen to them. No one wants to see that things bother me. I am not allowed to show emotion. That is not what is wanted from me. I've learned that the hard way. Which brings me back to crying. A sign of weakness. No one wants to see a weak person. Am I being a martyr? No. I'm just trying to take the lessons I'm handed and work them into something that is liveable for me and everyone who is in my life. At this point I am not a good friend. I suck at being one. I need to figure out how to fix that. Life is nothing more than a lesson and I need to keep learning.
My friends are my lifeline. Without them I know that I would hole up somewhere and most likely lose all sense of what life is. I know I'm not a perfect friend. No one is. I make mistakes. I'm human. I try to do the best I can. I'm beginning to realize that it's not enough. I have to learn to hold my tongue and not speak what I'm thinking...no matter if advice is asked of me or not. I have to learn to be a "silent" friend. Someone who just smiles and nods. I'm already the type of friend who will listen when someone needs to vent. Now I just need to keep my mouth shut. I need to learn that my problems are my own. No one wants to listen to them. No one wants to see that things bother me. I am not allowed to show emotion. That is not what is wanted from me. I've learned that the hard way. Which brings me back to crying. A sign of weakness. No one wants to see a weak person. Am I being a martyr? No. I'm just trying to take the lessons I'm handed and work them into something that is liveable for me and everyone who is in my life. At this point I am not a good friend. I suck at being one. I need to figure out how to fix that. Life is nothing more than a lesson and I need to keep learning.