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Seeing the whole picture

Who am I? Seriously. Who am I? I think I'm a good mom, a good friend, a good employee and a good person. So why am I thinking about who I really am? Someone called me a cold hearted bitch a couple of years ago but this person said it was meant as a compliment. I didn't take it as such and still don't. Today I really started thinking about what that person said. She said she wanted to be a cold hearted bitch just like me. A person who doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve and get emotionally attached to every man I go out with. Wow. Is that really what I portray and who people see? Someone who is cold and has a wall that is so high and thick that no one will get past it? I know I have my walls. Most are pretty rock solid.

I've gone through my head just how many honest to goodness friends I have. The list is small. Most live out of Yakima. There are a couple that live in town but I don't see them often. That brings me to this question. Are they still friends with me because they don't see me on a daily basis and that they don't see that there is something significantly wrong with me? Is it because all they see is the mask I put on when I am around them? Does anyone really know who I am? The big question though...do I really know who I am? I really need to do some searching and figure this out. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life and I certainly want my friends to see the real me without the masks and putting on a pretty face. I need to fix this.

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