He said "Take that red lipstick off. You look like a whore". I took the lipstick off.
He said "You're too heavy" so I lost weight. He then said "You're too thin".He said "You're pretty but I date much prettier women"
He said "I forgot I asked you out on a date" when I asked him what time we were going out.
He said "I didn't stand you up. You didn't remind me we had a date".
He said "don't ever sing again" when I was singing in the car.
He said "I'm the best you are ever going to get" after he hit me.
He said "I have to fantasize about other women just to have sex with Tracey".
So many more "He saids" that, thankfully, I cannot remember, but...I'm not going to listen to the "he saids" any longer. It's time I start loving myself and knowing that the problems were not with me. The problems were with "he". All of those "he's"are now in relationships, living their best lives. Me? I'm battling the demons they gave me. I'm battling the anger that they are able to live, love and be. I'm battling wanting them to be thoroughly destroyed in this lifetime because of what they did to me. I'm not a whole woman. I'm empty. I fake smiles. I fake being happy. I fake believing I deserve the best. Will I ever believe in romantic love again? No. I don't believe I will. However, what I do need to find belief in is me. Belief that what these men said to me was not my fault. It rests solely on them. I just need to repair their damage. One day at a time.