Life as I know it...

I have so many different things going through my head. To learn that I'm going to be able to get the MRI and then surgery has really put my mind in a spin. I never truly thought it would happen. I had given up. Then from out of nowhere an angel kisses my forehead. That kiss has put me in a position I am truly thankful for but...terrified to be in. With all of the roadblocks I've hit in trying to pay for this stuff I didn't prepare myself for when it happened. It's overwhelming but in a good way. While talking to the nurse the other day I forgot to ask her some questions. Yes...the fear factor kicked in. One question just rolled into another and another and another. I only wanted to know what the recovery time would be. After multiple surgeries on my tummy I figured it was going to be at least 6 weeks. When she told me 2 weeks at the most, I just about fell off of my chair. Really? I can do 2 weeks. No problem. With the kids, Natalie and possibly Wendy du...

I got a call from my nurse today. Found out a few things. One...The breast and cervical health program does not help pay for MRI's. I knew this. What I didn't know was...if the MRI finds that there is any cancer within one of the lumps they will pay for my surgery. Seriously. That is what they said. I was stunned. So with that said...I will be getting my MRI sometime really soon. Even if there isn't cancer cells in the lumps I will continue with my plan to remove my breasts. I can apply for Compassionate Care through the hospital where I'll have the surgery and get the bill decreased or possibly paid off. So for those of you who do not believe in miracles...you are now witnessing one. :)

I don't get that saying. How can you skin a cat more than one way? Seriously. Anyway...there is a point to that saying in this instance. While looking at my website I saw an advertisement at the top for government grants. Me being the inquisitive one...I decided to do some checking. Looks like there are legitimate programs out there which are government run who hand out money left and right in the form of grants. I like that word. Grant. Grant means no paying it back. Always a good thing. So me...in my infinite wisdom thought "Well why can't the government grant me some money?" I'm a single mom. I'm uninsured in regards to healthcare. I'm below the poverty level. I should be able to get some help. I've also decided to apply for Habitat for Humanity. I'm just hoping that if I'm chosen that the house will be out in the area I live in. I really don't want to change school districts for the kids. We will see how the meeting go...

People can change. I have witnessed it and experienced it. Take me for example...am I the same woman I was 4 years ago? Not even remotely close. Honestly? I have no clue who that woman was. All I can remember about her was that she was extremely unhappy and did not see any way out of her unhappiness. Thankfully there were some friends who held onto her, stuck by her side while she was making stupid mistakes knowing full well that she was hurting and reacting from that pain and they helped her see the light at the end of the tunnel. That woman died sometime in the past 4 years. I cannot honestly tell you when because it was a gradual death. Bit by bit she stopped breathing and the woman who I am today took over. Change does not happen overnight. A person cannot become who they were meant to be in a 24 hour time span. It takes mistakes, successes, enlightenment and support from people who love them. Through that growth period there are going to be people who drop out of the...

Seriously. Not one bloody thing has gone right today. Hair is awful. Clothes I wanted to wear looked horrible on me. Payroll check was minus a week because I was sick. A girl here in the office ate my lunch. She offered me her leftover sushi. WTF? I don't even like sushi. Isn't today just lovely? I spoke with the nurse at the clinic today about my MRI and surgery. She is doing some checking to see what resources I have to get the MRI. She told me that the surgery can be sent through the compassionate care program at the hospital. It's a program that will either pay off the bill or lower it based upon income. I'm not stressed about the surgery. I'm stressed about not being able to get the fricking MRI!!! I did ask the nurse why the need for the MRI before surgery and she said so the doctor will know which way to go. If there are cancerous cells then he would remove the breasts and then proceed with chemo. No cancerous cells? Just remove the breasts and let me hea...

Ok...Phantom starts with a P but it sounds like an F. Cut me some slack ok? Sheesh. The weekend was amazing aside from a bit of a situation with a 9 year old prima donna. We moved past it though. At least for the weekend. Good heavens I hope this is just a stage she is going through. The drive to Seattle was uneventful but gorgeous. I love driving over Snoqualmie when the leaves are starting to change their colors. Lunch in North Bend with a short trip into "Coach" and then we headed to Sabrina's. What??? Do you honestly think I won't go into a purse store? Please. After what seemed like forever...we meaning me...of doing the hair we were off to dinner. Look at this picture: Yes...I had to put my hair up. I just had to do a little experiment and see what would happen. It happened. Sabrina and I both noticed it. Stares and lots of double takes. It's official. I look like Sarah Palin. Even a client came into the office yesterday looking at me and then said ...

After lots of research and talking to a man whom I thought was my uncle...I find out that the man whom I thought was my "father" was infact sterile. He passed away when I was 19 so I will never be able to talk to him about it. My birth mother slept around and apparently there were 2 men she slept with in July 1966. Seeing how the man she said was my father really isn't...I deducted that the other one is my father. He has a son named JR. I learned through my sister that he is a country singer trying to make it in Nashville. I added JR to my Myspace and have since found out that there are some major recording labels who are really interested in him. I am so impressed with him and if he truly is my brother (which in my heart I've always felt that he was...I learned of him when I was 19) then I will be the proudest sister around. Give him a listen. He is quite good and I truly hope and pray he makes it big. :)