Ok...I posted this on my myspace blog and now I want to find out what you guys think of it. I'm toying with starting to write. Thoughts please...:)
In my daily musings...something crossed my mind that really got me to thinking. Why do people feel the need to be bullies and gossip mongers? It is a subject I ponder on from time to time. Today...I think I found an answer. At least an answer that I can appreciate and understand. Please understand...this post is not about any one person. It is just from my lifes experiences and my thoughts.
Why do people bully? Is it from their environment and just the way they were raised or from a lifetime of being the one who was bullied? I think both. I wasn't really bullied when I was growing up. I was made fun of about my looks when I was in junior high and my maiden name was just great fodder for picking on me. For the most part though...I was well liked by everyone in grade school and high school. I didn't make fun of anyone. I may have from time to time but I tried to not make a habit of it but being a teenager...it's going to happen. I had friends in all peer groups. I am now an adult and making fun of people is not something I will do. I still sometimes do say a snide comment from time to time out of sheer frustration.
I have been the subject of being bullied and gossiped about for going on 10 years. Until today...I never really understood why. I used to be a smartass and say I was the center of these people's universe. Today I really thought about people who do those things. My own theory is that these individuals have been the subject of being bullied and gossiped about for the majority of their lives. They will be damned if someone is going to get them so they lash out in ways that really make no bit of sense. They do and say anything they can, whether that is a lie or the truth stretched to it's limit, to make themselves look good and in a positive light. Call if a defense mechanisim if you will. They have lived their lives being the subject of ridicule and bullying. They are not wanting to be in that position any longer so what do they do? They attack before someone attacks them. I've been in the position of wanting to attack before someone attacks me. It's an ugly place to be. It says a lot about self esteem or lack thereof. The self esteem is so battered and beaten that logic is not a part of who a person is. It is an act not react position.
This brings me to sitting in on judgement of people. Being a judge means getting all sides to a story so you can make an educated decision upon the subject at hand. It is the only way a person can judge anything...regardless of what it is. You can't sit back and say that Starbucks is the worst coffee ever if you have never tasted it. You cannot judge it. You cannot say that Phantom of the Opera sucks if you haven't seen it. You cannot say that a person is horrible, crazy and hateful if you have never met them. You don't know them. We as a society deem it ok to judge people based upon limited information and not getting the whole story. We toss judgements around like they are nothing. To the person judging...they may be nothing. To the person being judged...it could be devastating.
I've often wondered what is the point in gossip? I'm not innocent of being a gossip. I've done my share. Why do we do it though? Is there any particular reason? Is it to make ourselves feel better that someone else is faltering in their lives and they are suffering? I have to think yes. As horrible as this may sound and will make me sound like a complete bitch...I get a certain warm fuzzy feeling when people who have hurt me have major trials in their lives and are suffering. My first thought is '"GOOD!!! They deserve it!!!" I think it's human nature. Everyone does it and not one person is exempt. It's just who we are.
Self esteem...it's a huge thing. If even the smallest measurement of it is missing...we are not whole and not who we are meant to be. Our self esteem lies within ourselves and not what others think or perceive us to be. We should not allow the bullies, gossip mongers and judgement passers tell us what and who we are. Until we own our self esteem...it will continued to be cut away bit by bit until there is nothing left of who we started out as. A wonderful woman once said this and I have to fully agree with it. She said that when someone is getting to you and causing you to be upset and not who you truly are...say these two words "I'M DONE". I've said that many times in my life since. It's quite freeing and very liberating to say it. But...know that these two words are very strong and must not be taken lightly. When you say them...mean them. Once you do...your life is your own.
In my daily musings...something crossed my mind that really got me to thinking. Why do people feel the need to be bullies and gossip mongers? It is a subject I ponder on from time to time. Today...I think I found an answer. At least an answer that I can appreciate and understand. Please understand...this post is not about any one person. It is just from my lifes experiences and my thoughts.
Why do people bully? Is it from their environment and just the way they were raised or from a lifetime of being the one who was bullied? I think both. I wasn't really bullied when I was growing up. I was made fun of about my looks when I was in junior high and my maiden name was just great fodder for picking on me. For the most part though...I was well liked by everyone in grade school and high school. I didn't make fun of anyone. I may have from time to time but I tried to not make a habit of it but being a teenager...it's going to happen. I had friends in all peer groups. I am now an adult and making fun of people is not something I will do. I still sometimes do say a snide comment from time to time out of sheer frustration.
I have been the subject of being bullied and gossiped about for going on 10 years. Until today...I never really understood why. I used to be a smartass and say I was the center of these people's universe. Today I really thought about people who do those things. My own theory is that these individuals have been the subject of being bullied and gossiped about for the majority of their lives. They will be damned if someone is going to get them so they lash out in ways that really make no bit of sense. They do and say anything they can, whether that is a lie or the truth stretched to it's limit, to make themselves look good and in a positive light. Call if a defense mechanisim if you will. They have lived their lives being the subject of ridicule and bullying. They are not wanting to be in that position any longer so what do they do? They attack before someone attacks them. I've been in the position of wanting to attack before someone attacks me. It's an ugly place to be. It says a lot about self esteem or lack thereof. The self esteem is so battered and beaten that logic is not a part of who a person is. It is an act not react position.
This brings me to sitting in on judgement of people. Being a judge means getting all sides to a story so you can make an educated decision upon the subject at hand. It is the only way a person can judge anything...regardless of what it is. You can't sit back and say that Starbucks is the worst coffee ever if you have never tasted it. You cannot judge it. You cannot say that Phantom of the Opera sucks if you haven't seen it. You cannot say that a person is horrible, crazy and hateful if you have never met them. You don't know them. We as a society deem it ok to judge people based upon limited information and not getting the whole story. We toss judgements around like they are nothing. To the person judging...they may be nothing. To the person being judged...it could be devastating.
I've often wondered what is the point in gossip? I'm not innocent of being a gossip. I've done my share. Why do we do it though? Is there any particular reason? Is it to make ourselves feel better that someone else is faltering in their lives and they are suffering? I have to think yes. As horrible as this may sound and will make me sound like a complete bitch...I get a certain warm fuzzy feeling when people who have hurt me have major trials in their lives and are suffering. My first thought is '"GOOD!!! They deserve it!!!" I think it's human nature. Everyone does it and not one person is exempt. It's just who we are.
Self esteem...it's a huge thing. If even the smallest measurement of it is missing...we are not whole and not who we are meant to be. Our self esteem lies within ourselves and not what others think or perceive us to be. We should not allow the bullies, gossip mongers and judgement passers tell us what and who we are. Until we own our self esteem...it will continued to be cut away bit by bit until there is nothing left of who we started out as. A wonderful woman once said this and I have to fully agree with it. She said that when someone is getting to you and causing you to be upset and not who you truly are...say these two words "I'M DONE". I've said that many times in my life since. It's quite freeing and very liberating to say it. But...know that these two words are very strong and must not be taken lightly. When you say them...mean them. Once you do...your life is your own.