I'm not perfect nor do I claim to be. Let's just get that out there first and foremost. I screw up from time to time. I'm human. I'm fallible. I'm just me. I've learned that there are people who believe I'm someone who does not have feelings. Someone who is supposed to not let things bother me. Just put a smile on and take whatever words or actions are thrown my way. I am not allowed to get upset. Really??? I didn't know that I was a Stepford. Someone failed to send that memo my way.
I used to have a friend whom I loved almost more than life itself. I tolerated and put up with his poor treatment of me and my feelings for years. Making plans with me and then cancelling at the last minute. Saying he would call and then not. He was really good at making plans with me and then not even showing up. I accepted that from him for a hell of a long time because I loved him. Last year I finally found my balls and told him I was done. I deserved so much more from a friend than what he was giving me. I ended the friendship. I had to think more of myself than the limited friendship he was offering me. Hurt like an SOB but it had to be done.
There are still people in my life who don't take my feelings into consideration. I'm supposed to sit back, let them say what they believe is to be right for me and not speak my thoughts or opinions. When I'm upset or feeling blue I get the "There are others out there who have it worse." No kidding there are but does that mean that I'm not allowed to be bothered or upset by something that has happened to me? I'm just supposed to suck it up and pretend life is just rosy perfect? Hate to break it to y'all but my life is not perfect. Far from it. I get upset. I get the blues from time to time. It is because of those feelings that there are times I want to just let loose and have a good time. Apparently I'm not allowed to do that either. I'm to have a "babysitter" and if I do something that they don't deem to be correct I am to leave the place I was having fun at. I am to be humiliated at a later date because of the fun I was having. When I stand up for myself and state that I'm hurt I get the standard "Sorry that hurt you but I'm not sorry for watching out for you". Hmmmmm.....let me see. Watching out for a friend is what friends do. I get that. I do that. BUT...if a friend is doing something really stupid like thinking they are going to drive after drinking, is going to get into a car with someone she doesn't know or something that will endanger her life. If a friend of mine is kissing a guy she just met in a bar it is none of my business to stop her. Hells bells...I'll ask her to see if he has a friend. Who am I to say who she can and cannot kiss or have sex with? A friend and I have said that on the cruise if someone meets a guy then that someone is to let another cruiser know who they are with. We don't want to know the details but we do want to know that they are going to be okay.
I'm just tired of being treated as if I don't have a brain in my head. That I cannot make decisions on my own. I am a 43 year old woman. I have bought a house on my own. I've been at my job for over 5 years. I own my car outright. I have custody of my children and they are taken care of. I pay my bills and always have food in my house. I may not be rich and I do live from paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes funds get low and I have to really suck it up to make it but the fact is...I do make it. I have done this on my own. I am an adult. If I want to fly off to Las Vegas for the weekend with a nice man... I will. If I want to spend the weekend with an ex boyfriend for my birthday...I will. If I want to kiss a man I just met in a bar...I will. I will do what I want when I want. I've earned that right. It is my life. I will live it how I see fit. I may ask for advice from time to time but it will be me who will choose what advice to take and what advice to throw out. I will not apologize for who I am. I am who I am and will change for no one. I will not allow anyone to tell me how to act and how to feel. It's as simple as that. Others can accept that in me or they can't but I won't tolerate being treated as if I'm a simpleton. Period.
I used to have a friend whom I loved almost more than life itself. I tolerated and put up with his poor treatment of me and my feelings for years. Making plans with me and then cancelling at the last minute. Saying he would call and then not. He was really good at making plans with me and then not even showing up. I accepted that from him for a hell of a long time because I loved him. Last year I finally found my balls and told him I was done. I deserved so much more from a friend than what he was giving me. I ended the friendship. I had to think more of myself than the limited friendship he was offering me. Hurt like an SOB but it had to be done.
There are still people in my life who don't take my feelings into consideration. I'm supposed to sit back, let them say what they believe is to be right for me and not speak my thoughts or opinions. When I'm upset or feeling blue I get the "There are others out there who have it worse." No kidding there are but does that mean that I'm not allowed to be bothered or upset by something that has happened to me? I'm just supposed to suck it up and pretend life is just rosy perfect? Hate to break it to y'all but my life is not perfect. Far from it. I get upset. I get the blues from time to time. It is because of those feelings that there are times I want to just let loose and have a good time. Apparently I'm not allowed to do that either. I'm to have a "babysitter" and if I do something that they don't deem to be correct I am to leave the place I was having fun at. I am to be humiliated at a later date because of the fun I was having. When I stand up for myself and state that I'm hurt I get the standard "Sorry that hurt you but I'm not sorry for watching out for you". Hmmmmm.....let me see. Watching out for a friend is what friends do. I get that. I do that. BUT...if a friend is doing something really stupid like thinking they are going to drive after drinking, is going to get into a car with someone she doesn't know or something that will endanger her life. If a friend of mine is kissing a guy she just met in a bar it is none of my business to stop her. Hells bells...I'll ask her to see if he has a friend. Who am I to say who she can and cannot kiss or have sex with? A friend and I have said that on the cruise if someone meets a guy then that someone is to let another cruiser know who they are with. We don't want to know the details but we do want to know that they are going to be okay.
I'm just tired of being treated as if I don't have a brain in my head. That I cannot make decisions on my own. I am a 43 year old woman. I have bought a house on my own. I've been at my job for over 5 years. I own my car outright. I have custody of my children and they are taken care of. I pay my bills and always have food in my house. I may not be rich and I do live from paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes funds get low and I have to really suck it up to make it but the fact is...I do make it. I have done this on my own. I am an adult. If I want to fly off to Las Vegas for the weekend with a nice man... I will. If I want to spend the weekend with an ex boyfriend for my birthday...I will. If I want to kiss a man I just met in a bar...I will. I will do what I want when I want. I've earned that right. It is my life. I will live it how I see fit. I may ask for advice from time to time but it will be me who will choose what advice to take and what advice to throw out. I will not apologize for who I am. I am who I am and will change for no one. I will not allow anyone to tell me how to act and how to feel. It's as simple as that. Others can accept that in me or they can't but I won't tolerate being treated as if I'm a simpleton. Period.