Three and 1/2 weeks. That's all the time left until the cruise. When did that happen? Where did the last year go? I'm not ready yet!!! I still have a few things to pick up. I have my dresses that are still getting altered. *sigh* Well...ready or not...it's time. Time to experience something I have been looking forward to for the past year. To be honest...I'm terrifed. I've never done anything like this in my life. Taking a trip without my kids or family. Sure I have my Twi-family but I've only met 3 of them face to face. I'm sitting here typing this trying so hard to not break down in tears. I really shouldn't be this scared. Throughout the year I have created some wonderful friendships with people. They aren't strangers to me. They are my friends. My new family. I'm sure that once I get checked into my hotel on the 5th and meet everyone I will be fine but right now...I'm beyond frightened and nervous. :/
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...