It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being.
When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or emotionally abuse me. It's like he got off on it. I know I'm not the woman I was before him. I'm a shell and nothing more. I don't like who I see in the mirror. I'm ugly. I'm fat...even when I'm a size 4, I still believe I'm too fat.
I hope that his wife destroys him and takes him for what he is worth. I hope he loses his home; I hope she destroys him financially and he files bankruptcy. I hope she destroys everything that he believes in, and he is left alone and shattered. Only then will karma be served, and I hope it is served up cold. For the first time, I can say...Darren, I absolutely, without a doubt, hate you and may you burn in hell.
