I've posted some feelings and thoughts on how I feel about God on my personal Facebook page. Since that post I've been lectured, preached at and "prayed" for. I was going to post this next thing on my page but honestly, that would be foolish of me. Why? Because I know I would be drug through a knot hole backwards, beaten, tarred and feathered. I feel as if my thoughts and feelings are invalid and wrong. Being fake and pretend is what everyone wishes to know of who I am. So...I'll post my feelings here. I won't get lambasted for them.
I have a feeling I have angered quite a few of you based upon how I feel towards God. I respect that and won't argue your views and thoughts. I do want to say something though. My views are not willy nilly. They are based upon a lifetime of having doors shut in my face, loved ones removed from my life (not of my doing), losing 2 marriages. I put on FB things that are just lovely, showing a "wonderful" life that I live. Yes, part of my life is fun and exciting. What I don't tell anyone is this a lot of the bad and there is a lot.
I have a hole in my ceiling that I can't afford to repair
The flooring in my main bathroom has rotted because the man who "remodeled" my home failed to seal the toilet. That toilet has been turned off, a large board has been placed over the soft spot and no one is allowed in that bathroom
The flooring in my kitchen is starting to rot and I'm no longer able to use my dishwasher
My backyard has been killed off (not by me) and I have to pay to get it re-seeded.
Underground sprinklers sprang a leak somewhere.
My health is shit
I'm alone every.single.night
When was the last time someone gave you a hug without you asking for it? I can't remember when that happened for me.
I have a car that isn't mine and it is on its last wheels.
I've been told by family that I am a disgrace to the name and to never speak to them again.
I have been disowned by family because I confronted them on betraying me and things I told them in confidence.
Being told by your biological mother that she could have flushed you down the toilet doesn't sit well mentally.
There is so much more that isn't said about my life and when something happens that breaks me...that's it. Well folks, I'm officially broken. No, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I've accepted that this is my lot in life. If I feel that God has left me behind...I have good reason for feeling that way. I may have a roof over my head and food in my tummy but honestly, I fully believe He will be taking that away from me soon. It's just a matter of time. He's good at that.