Finding out my parents knew I overdosed at the age of 17 and they did nothing to save me or get help for me has told me precisely just what my life is worth. Nothing. It's worth nothing.
Having a daughter who gaslights me whenever I blow up after being used as a doormat for months has told me precisely what my life is worth. Nothing. It's worth nothing.
When my daughter has medical issues and she only called because she had to told me precisely what my life is worth. Nothing. It's worth nothing.
What is saving my life right now? A life insurance policy with a suicide clause. Why? Because my life is worth $50,000. Why wait? Because I won't stick my family with my debt. They may think very little of me and have no use for me but at the least they won't be burdened with a monetary issue at my death.
December 1, 2021. The day my life can change and the countdown has begun. That gives me a sense of peace.
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...