Finding out my parents knew I overdosed at the age of 17 and they did nothing to save me or get help for me has told me precisely just what my life is worth. Nothing. It's worth nothing.
Having a daughter who gaslights me whenever I blow up after being used as a doormat for months has told me precisely what my life is worth. Nothing. It's worth nothing.
When my daughter has medical issues and she only called because she had to told me precisely what my life is worth. Nothing. It's worth nothing.
What is saving my life right now? A life insurance policy with a suicide clause. Why? Because my life is worth $50,000. Why wait? Because I won't stick my family with my debt. They may think very little of me and have no use for me but at the least they won't be burdened with a monetary issue at my death.
December 1, 2021. The day my life can change and the countdown has begun. That gives me a sense of peace.
There are days I enjoy living my life. There are days I thoroughly hate it. Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown. Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying. Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope. Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship. Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again. I've been told she has been married 4...