They say they understand. They say they know you have troubles that you need to work through based upon your history. What they don't tell you is they are lying. They don't understand. They use your troubles against you. They call your mental illness 'I'm tired of dealing with their shit' and mock you. There comes a point where trusting is no longer an option. There comes a point when letting anyone close is out of the question. That happened on Monday. I didn't expect much from a couple of friends who are no longer friends. I knew I would pretty much be a "Drama Queen" in their minds. I always have been. Didn't expect less from them.
I have major issues from my history. I won't lie about that. In the words of Christian Grey "I'm fifty shades of fucked up". It seems very few truly grasp that and think "it can't be as bad as she is saying". Yes...yes it is. Will I ever be who I used to be before the abuse, the rape and the vile thing my parents did? No, I won't. Can I work through it? I hope I can. I truly hope I can. Until that day...I take one moment at a time and focus on something other than the pain and the demons in my head. It is the best i can do.
As for close friends? Never again. People may know my struggles but no one will get close enough to me to belittle and mock my struggles. Period.
Well I got a couple more hours of sleep. I have the best kids. They let me sleep and didn't wake me up until my cell started ringing. We went out and about today. K wanted to try Bubble Tea so I obliged her. Mistake. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination. If you don't know what Bubble Tea is....g00gle it. Once you find out...don't try it. *shudder* An expensive taste test. There is a storm heading our way. Would you believe it's supposed to snow tonight??? Snow on Easter. How odd would that be? Speaking of Easter...my girls are watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) and watching a childs version of The Passion. Even watching the crucifixtion of Christ as a cartoon it still brings tears to my eyes. I am so unworthy of what He went through for me. Well not just me but all of mankind. I saw The Passion last year and that is when I realized I needed to turn my life around. I was making a serious mess of things so I gave it all back to God. My life has had it...