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Living day by day

 It has been 2 months and I have seen and felt so many changes in who I am.  I feel lighter.  I feel human and...this is the great part...I don't feel the demons as strongly.  I don't feel my abusers anymore.  They have become a distant memory.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still battling their abuse but it's not taking over my life.  I've learned to fight it and control the words they said to me.  I still look in the mirror and see a fat ugly woman but I'm slowly starting to SEE me for what and who I actually am.   It isn't easy though.  I've lived a lifetime of seeing a nothing in the mirror.    I know what I need to do but it's going to be tough to follow through.  I need to start dating again.  I need to believe I'm worth loving.  I need to believe I deserve it.    I have a freaking lifetime of never being enough.  I'm honestly not sure I can do it.  I'm still weak in that area.  Not as strong as I wish I was.  One day at a time and baby steps.  I'll get there.  :)  For now...I'm amazed and thrilled that I can smile and it reaches my eyes.  Welcome back to life, Tracey.



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