"Out of respect for my fiancé, she would not be comfortable with me talking to you and I'm not comfortable with it either" but yet....BUT YET....he was okay talking to other women while engaged to me, having online sex while still engaged to me, inviting other women to his band gigs while still engaged to me. This lets me know, without a doubt, he never loved me, he never respected me, and he had zero use for me other than to destroy me as a woman. I was so stupid. So incredibly stupid to think he ever had any feelings for me other than disgust and disdain. When I learn these things, I heal just a bit more. I don't think I'll ever be over his abuse but at least I know...he did not ever have any kind of love for me and that tiny bit of hope I held onto thinking he did at one point in our relationship, is now dead. Another reason why I do not believe in love and will never believe in it. Men abuse and men lie. Before I heard those words...there was a very small, and I mean tiny, spark of thinking "maybe I can love". Now? Nope. He just reminded me that I'm not worthy or love or respect. I hate men.
Well I got a couple more hours of sleep. I have the best kids. They let me sleep and didn't wake me up until my cell started ringing. We went out and about today. K wanted to try Bubble Tea so I obliged her. Mistake. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination. If you don't know what Bubble Tea is....g00gle it. Once you find out...don't try it. *shudder* An expensive taste test. There is a storm heading our way. Would you believe it's supposed to snow tonight??? Snow on Easter. How odd would that be? Speaking of Easter...my girls are watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) and watching a childs version of The Passion. Even watching the crucifixtion of Christ as a cartoon it still brings tears to my eyes. I am so unworthy of what He went through for me. Well not just me but all of mankind. I saw The Passion last year and that is when I realized I needed to turn my life around. I was making a serious mess of things so I gave it all back to God. My life has had it...