"Out of respect for my fiancé, she would not be comfortable with me talking to you and I'm not comfortable with it either" but yet....BUT YET....he was okay talking to other women while engaged to me, having online sex while still engaged to me, inviting other women to his band gigs while still engaged to me. This lets me know, without a doubt, he never loved me, he never respected me, and he had zero use for me other than to destroy me as a woman. I was so stupid. So incredibly stupid to think he ever had any feelings for me other than disgust and disdain. When I learn these things, I heal just a bit more. I don't think I'll ever be over his abuse but at least I know...he did not ever have any kind of love for me and that tiny bit of hope I held onto thinking he did at one point in our relationship, is now dead. Another reason why I do not believe in love and will never believe in it. Men abuse and men lie. Before I heard those words...there was a very small, and I mean tiny, spark of thinking "maybe I can love". Now? Nope. He just reminded me that I'm not worthy or love or respect. I hate men.
There are days I enjoy living my life. There are days I thoroughly hate it. Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown. Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying. Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope. Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship. Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again. I've been told she has been married 4...