I've let go of the anger towards everyone who has hurt me. All but one. What is it about her that keeps the anger there? Why can I not forgive her? What she did to me was nothing more than an act of betrayal. Showing me that she was never in fact what someone would consider a true honest friend. Is it her that I can't forgive or is it me that I cannot forgive?
After years of throughly disliking this person I befriended her. Even against the advice of many who said she will one day stab me in the back like she has done to everyone who enters her life. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and chose to believe there was good in her. That was not a good choice for my life. It is the one thing in life I regret. We shouldn't have regrets in life and for the most part...I don't. None but her. While I learned some very valuable lessons through my experiences with her I can't help but think that maybe I could have learned them in other ways.
I need to face that I made a very unwise decision in trusting this person. Even though, through her, I've learned that not all people are trustworthy and if given the chance there are people will use you and stab you in the back. Maybe it was my life's plan to befriend this woman. That I was meant to have her hurt me so I could learn that not everyone is looking out for my best interests. No matter if they say they are my friend, want the best for me and love me.
Life is difficult at best. Our choices make us who we are. Our thoughts, whether concious or subconcious, bring our lifes lessons and experiences to fruition. At the time the friendship began my thoughts of what I deserved brought exactly that into my life. Even though I didn't voice them, they became my reality. I didn't believe I deserved true friends who would never hurt me no matter what I did. Even though it was a subconcious thought and I would have never admitted that. Upon reflection of the past few years I can say that is exactly what I thought and basically brought my thoughts into reality. WOW!!! How revealing is that??? There is that lightbulb. LOL
Do I still regret the woman who brought incredible hurt into my life? After writing this and really looking at it...not so much. My regret of her will not disappear overnight. I can honestly say it has diminished with this post. I believe that in time she will no longer be one of the major negative forces in my life. I believe that one day I will not be happy that her life is in shambles. For now...Karma is doing enough to her without me giving it my precious energy. Karma doesn't need my help. LOL
After years of throughly disliking this person I befriended her. Even against the advice of many who said she will one day stab me in the back like she has done to everyone who enters her life. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and chose to believe there was good in her. That was not a good choice for my life. It is the one thing in life I regret. We shouldn't have regrets in life and for the most part...I don't. None but her. While I learned some very valuable lessons through my experiences with her I can't help but think that maybe I could have learned them in other ways.
I need to face that I made a very unwise decision in trusting this person. Even though, through her, I've learned that not all people are trustworthy and if given the chance there are people will use you and stab you in the back. Maybe it was my life's plan to befriend this woman. That I was meant to have her hurt me so I could learn that not everyone is looking out for my best interests. No matter if they say they are my friend, want the best for me and love me.
Life is difficult at best. Our choices make us who we are. Our thoughts, whether concious or subconcious, bring our lifes lessons and experiences to fruition. At the time the friendship began my thoughts of what I deserved brought exactly that into my life. Even though I didn't voice them, they became my reality. I didn't believe I deserved true friends who would never hurt me no matter what I did. Even though it was a subconcious thought and I would have never admitted that. Upon reflection of the past few years I can say that is exactly what I thought and basically brought my thoughts into reality. WOW!!! How revealing is that??? There is that lightbulb. LOL
Do I still regret the woman who brought incredible hurt into my life? After writing this and really looking at it...not so much. My regret of her will not disappear overnight. I can honestly say it has diminished with this post. I believe that in time she will no longer be one of the major negative forces in my life. I believe that one day I will not be happy that her life is in shambles. For now...Karma is doing enough to her without me giving it my precious energy. Karma doesn't need my help. LOL