Skip to main content

Oops

I went to the Lighthouse yesterday. It is a thrift store where all of the clothes, shoes and purses are $1.00. I picked up 2 pairs of pants, a black sweater and 3 shirts. One of the shirts is a tank top. I wore the tank top to work today. I did not realize how low cut this tank top it. Not a top to wear to work but I'm doing pretty good with covering my cleavage with the sweater. Yes!!! I have cleavage. LOL I've never had it before. Sad thing is...I may end up losing my cleavage. Ah well...it's fun for now.

I've hit a bleh spot in life. Nothing really good happening. Nothing really bad happening. I hate that. I did have a horrible moment last night while chatting with a friend of mine. While I know he was trying to get me to smile it was starting to really irritate me. Since my views on life have changed it seems that everyone believes I need to be up all the time and never have a down moment. I'm sorry but I am human. I still get upset over things. I still get bummed about things. I even cry sometimes. Ok...that isn't often. I do try to find the positive in a negative situation and I'm pretty good at it. It's taken me a long time to get to where I'm for the most part a very happy person. But people need understand I cannot always be cheery and happy 100% of the time. Things do get to me. I get angry, I get frustrated and I will vent about whatever the situation is. I feel as if I have been put upon a pedestal that I truly do not want to be on. I do want to be viewed as the one people can come to and count on in a crisis but I also want to be viewed as human and I can falter/stumble/have emotions just as others do. If I am to ever truly open up and be a person who isn't viewed as cold and incapable of emotions...please let me find that within myself again. Don't expect Miss Polly Primrose all of the time. Let me be me...whoever that is.

Popular posts from this blog

Too much...

 There are days I enjoy living my life.  There are days I thoroughly hate it.  Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown.  Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying.   Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope.   Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship.  Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again.  I've been told she has been married 4...

2004 - 2023

  Twenty years ago, I was a mess. I was belittled and demeaned to the point where I hated myself and would have done anything to hurt those who hurt me. From family to friends to men. I lashed out, created more drama than was necessary and didn't care who I hurt. As long as they were hurt before they hurt me, I justified my words and actions. If someone DID hurt me? God help them. I held nothing back. I'm not proud of who I was. I am ashamed of who I was. I did things I should have never done, and I cannot take any of it back no matter how desperately I wish I could. Today, in 2023, I am someone completely different than who that woman was in 2004. I'm not the unmedicated mentally ill person anymore. I'm getting healthy not only mentally but physically. I'm more successful than I was told I would ever be. I'm not the loser bitch that I was told I was. I'm a good person with an "I have gone through hell" history. I am a woman who struggles with ea...

People who say they love you...

Shouldn't be the very people who hurt you the most.  For me, the worst damage comes from those who said they loved me and they were the people who destroyed me.  And people wonder why I don't believe in love.