Could last Sunday have been any worse??? It is amazing how just one thing can completely obliterate what was overall a nicely lazy day. For those of you who don't know...I am adopted. I was put up for adoption by satan. Seriously. The worst woman I have ever encountered in my life. She gives ronna a run for her money. Maybe I should introduce them to each other. They could be great friends. They are exactly alike. Anyway...I digress. I called the woman who gave birth to me a month ago asking her the details about her breast cancer so I could tell my doctors. What I got from her was a cold bitch. Completely rude and no concern whatsoever. Ok...she is typically a bitch but she went beyond what she normally is. I chalked it up to just who she is. I told everyone that I would never call that woman again. I made that statement thinking I would never hear from her again. WRONG!!!
I came home Wednesday to a voicemail from her asking me to call her. I came home Friday to another message from her. I put off calling her until today. I was prepared for a fight and boy did I ever get one. Just as a bit of history...her husband sent me an email a few years ago, after I had told her just how badly she has hurt me since finding her, telling me that I should be thankful that she didn't rip me from her womb and flush me down the drain. She then told my sister a couple of weeks ago that she could have killed me instead of giving birth to me. I don't think I can even begin to tell you how that felt. Well...in today's conversation I was told no less than 4 times that she could have killed me instead of giving me life. Who the fuck says that??? Oh wait...Donna does.
The conversation lasted less than 15 minutes and in that time I was called a liar, that I only think of myself, that I only see what I want to see and I must think I'm the only person on the planet who has been hurt. She asked me for my parents number because she wanted to talk to them. I flat out told her "NO!". There is no way in hell I am going to give that woman my parents phone number. I spoke to my mom today and she said that she didn't care if I gave it to her or not because she would have no problem telling her what she thinks of her and how badly she has hurt me the past 20+ years. The whole conversation ended with her hanging up on me because I refused to talk to her husband. This woman is 68 years old!!! Is she kidding???
I am so thankful that David was here during the conversation. He has seen how much she tears me up. Today was the straw that broke the camel's back. To tell me that she could have killed me instead of giving birth to me was something that should NEVER be said to your child. I don't care if you gave them up for adoption or not. I have seen a side to her that I don't like and I've come to the decision that she will never be a part of my life again. She crossed the line today and I cannot forgive her. Not yet. Maybe one day I can but at this point the hurt is too raw and very painful. Weekends are not meant to end the way mine did but sometimes things happen that really need to. These things suck and can be painful but are a learning experience. Hopefully the pain will lessen quickly and I will forget I ever had to deal with her. I wish the feeling of massive rejection would go away...now. While I know that this woman is not worth my time and means very little to me...to be told the things she said to me today stings. I wish I could put into words what I'm thinking and feeling. Nothing like being rejected at birth and then being told I'm lucky she didn't kill me instead. People who as supposed to care about you and then hurt you in ways you never even imagined can really knock the wind right out of you. I deleted ronna from my life and now I need to delete donna. Two people who I thought cared and have come to learn...through a painful process...that they never gave a damn to begin with.
It's been a difficult week at best for me. I had a date with a man whom I thought was a great guy. Seems that since I didn't sleep with him...he didn't think I warranted a second glance. So...Sunday with the bio mother and Monday with the jackass. Tuesday was spent reeling from everything. Wednesday...still reeling but not as much. Today I turned a corner. Would you believe it all started with a couch? I love Craigslist and really love the free ads. Today I found a couch that was free AND matches my living room. The woman who was giving it away was selling a wicker chest. I hadn't even mentioned it to her since I don't really have the money to buy it. She sent me an email giving me her address and she told me that I am more than welcome to have it for free also. She had been using it as a coffee table and I think that if I spray paint it...I could have a fabulous new coffee table also.
There are some amazingly sweet people in the world and after donna's evil spewing crap...I really needed to be reminded that there is good in mankind.My sweet friend, Darren, is going to go with me tomorrow to get my new couch and wicker chest. I am so excited about having a decent couch in my house again!!! Out of the ashes of a crappy week, I found a bright spot. I'm on my way to releasing the garbage from Sunday and in time I will completely let it go and forget that I ever knew that woman. Until that time...I know that my friends will be my source of strength when I need a boost.
I came home Wednesday to a voicemail from her asking me to call her. I came home Friday to another message from her. I put off calling her until today. I was prepared for a fight and boy did I ever get one. Just as a bit of history...her husband sent me an email a few years ago, after I had told her just how badly she has hurt me since finding her, telling me that I should be thankful that she didn't rip me from her womb and flush me down the drain. She then told my sister a couple of weeks ago that she could have killed me instead of giving birth to me. I don't think I can even begin to tell you how that felt. Well...in today's conversation I was told no less than 4 times that she could have killed me instead of giving me life. Who the fuck says that??? Oh wait...Donna does.
The conversation lasted less than 15 minutes and in that time I was called a liar, that I only think of myself, that I only see what I want to see and I must think I'm the only person on the planet who has been hurt. She asked me for my parents number because she wanted to talk to them. I flat out told her "NO!". There is no way in hell I am going to give that woman my parents phone number. I spoke to my mom today and she said that she didn't care if I gave it to her or not because she would have no problem telling her what she thinks of her and how badly she has hurt me the past 20+ years. The whole conversation ended with her hanging up on me because I refused to talk to her husband. This woman is 68 years old!!! Is she kidding???
I am so thankful that David was here during the conversation. He has seen how much she tears me up. Today was the straw that broke the camel's back. To tell me that she could have killed me instead of giving birth to me was something that should NEVER be said to your child. I don't care if you gave them up for adoption or not. I have seen a side to her that I don't like and I've come to the decision that she will never be a part of my life again. She crossed the line today and I cannot forgive her. Not yet. Maybe one day I can but at this point the hurt is too raw and very painful. Weekends are not meant to end the way mine did but sometimes things happen that really need to. These things suck and can be painful but are a learning experience. Hopefully the pain will lessen quickly and I will forget I ever had to deal with her. I wish the feeling of massive rejection would go away...now. While I know that this woman is not worth my time and means very little to me...to be told the things she said to me today stings. I wish I could put into words what I'm thinking and feeling. Nothing like being rejected at birth and then being told I'm lucky she didn't kill me instead. People who as supposed to care about you and then hurt you in ways you never even imagined can really knock the wind right out of you. I deleted ronna from my life and now I need to delete donna. Two people who I thought cared and have come to learn...through a painful process...that they never gave a damn to begin with.
It's been a difficult week at best for me. I had a date with a man whom I thought was a great guy. Seems that since I didn't sleep with him...he didn't think I warranted a second glance. So...Sunday with the bio mother and Monday with the jackass. Tuesday was spent reeling from everything. Wednesday...still reeling but not as much. Today I turned a corner. Would you believe it all started with a couch? I love Craigslist and really love the free ads. Today I found a couch that was free AND matches my living room. The woman who was giving it away was selling a wicker chest. I hadn't even mentioned it to her since I don't really have the money to buy it. She sent me an email giving me her address and she told me that I am more than welcome to have it for free also. She had been using it as a coffee table and I think that if I spray paint it...I could have a fabulous new coffee table also.
There are some amazingly sweet people in the world and after donna's evil spewing crap...I really needed to be reminded that there is good in mankind.My sweet friend, Darren, is going to go with me tomorrow to get my new couch and wicker chest. I am so excited about having a decent couch in my house again!!! Out of the ashes of a crappy week, I found a bright spot. I'm on my way to releasing the garbage from Sunday and in time I will completely let it go and forget that I ever knew that woman. Until that time...I know that my friends will be my source of strength when I need a boost.