If you are an 80's child you will know that my title is the love song from "Tootsie". I'm sitting here surfing through youtube for some unknown reason. Maybe it's because I am bored out of my mind and taking a trip back to when life was much simpler helps me forget the things I'm facing now. I listen to this song and instantly I am transported back to my sophomore year. I was 15 years old, in a new school and life was full of teenage things. Dances, friends, boys and fast food that didn't take up residence on my hips.
I've been talking to a man who was someone I dated (I'm using dated very loosely here) when I was in 7th grade. He was so cute then but I broke up with him. Dven then I felt weird about the attention he was giving me. I'm seeing where my running from relationships had it's origins and tender beginnings. He found me and contacted me a couple of years ago. I had not heard from him or seen him since my late teens. Now, a million and one years later, I'm talking to my boyfriend from 7th grade. He has not changed at all. Ok...maybe a little bit. When I see him I still see the boy I was crazy about so many years ago.
It's strange. We have lived completely separate lives. Married. Had children. Remained in the Pacific Northwest. There was no contact for almost 1/2 of our lives. Now he is back in my life and I find I think of him a lot but want to runaway again. Why do I do that? Why is it that a man who has thought of me for close to 30 years and wants to be with me scares the hell out of me? He called me today and was very concerned about the medical things I am going through. He wants to see me. He wants to get to know me again.
Evan is what I would say is the man I picture in my head when I think about the man I want to be with. He is tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, beautiful smile, responsible, fun to talk to, quiet but not shy. So far he is all that I want in a man. I have been out of the relationship with Darren for 4 years. It was 4 years on August 1st. I've healed. I've learned. I've become the woman I am supposed to be. I am ready to date again. Why do I want to push Evan away? I have to tell myself and force myself to not leave. To not throw away what could possibly be a lifetime of happiness with a man who would love me for all that I am.
I need to remain composed. I need to not future trip but gosh...I'm terrified. How do I stop that feeling? How do I stop thinking "He is going to hurt me just like everyone else has and does"? A new song just came on.
When I fall in love it will be forever
Or Ill never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before its begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun
When I give my heart it will be completely
Or Ill never give my heart
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you.
That is what I want. When I fall in love it will be forever. I won't settle for less than forever.
I've been talking to a man who was someone I dated (I'm using dated very loosely here) when I was in 7th grade. He was so cute then but I broke up with him. Dven then I felt weird about the attention he was giving me. I'm seeing where my running from relationships had it's origins and tender beginnings. He found me and contacted me a couple of years ago. I had not heard from him or seen him since my late teens. Now, a million and one years later, I'm talking to my boyfriend from 7th grade. He has not changed at all. Ok...maybe a little bit. When I see him I still see the boy I was crazy about so many years ago.
It's strange. We have lived completely separate lives. Married. Had children. Remained in the Pacific Northwest. There was no contact for almost 1/2 of our lives. Now he is back in my life and I find I think of him a lot but want to runaway again. Why do I do that? Why is it that a man who has thought of me for close to 30 years and wants to be with me scares the hell out of me? He called me today and was very concerned about the medical things I am going through. He wants to see me. He wants to get to know me again.
Evan is what I would say is the man I picture in my head when I think about the man I want to be with. He is tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, beautiful smile, responsible, fun to talk to, quiet but not shy. So far he is all that I want in a man. I have been out of the relationship with Darren for 4 years. It was 4 years on August 1st. I've healed. I've learned. I've become the woman I am supposed to be. I am ready to date again. Why do I want to push Evan away? I have to tell myself and force myself to not leave. To not throw away what could possibly be a lifetime of happiness with a man who would love me for all that I am.
I need to remain composed. I need to not future trip but gosh...I'm terrified. How do I stop that feeling? How do I stop thinking "He is going to hurt me just like everyone else has and does"? A new song just came on.
When I fall in love it will be forever
Or Ill never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before its begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun
When I give my heart it will be completely
Or Ill never give my heart
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you.
That is what I want. When I fall in love it will be forever. I won't settle for less than forever.