I should not have gotten out of bed on Monday. Not one thing this week has gone well. I had a feeling with Tuesday being bad that the rest of the week was not going to shape into a happy fountain.
Last night I was dealt a situation that has been typical of the household where my oldest daughter resides or in their words...visits....every other weekend. The SM chose to discuss something with my daughter when in all actuality it should have been brought up to me first. Since that lack of good judgement on the SM's part...I have been told by my daughter that I created the drama (which was created by the SM...not me), I need to grow up, I need to get along with the SM. Here is the clincher. She told me that the SM is a good person and is decent. WHAT THE FUCK??? Seriously. I needed to just say that. Her statement required me saying it full on and not just WTF. (SM = stepmonter. SD = spermdonor_
I have learned in the course of 2 hours that the SD and SM want to get along with me and try their best but it is because of me there are problems. Again...WHAT THE FUCK??? From the minute that woman entered the picture there have been problems. Let me see...she has tried to run over me with her suburban, flips me off every chance she gets, yanked my daughter out of my arms when she was 5 years old, told me that I am a piece of shit mom (said in front of my daughter), told me that I will discuss things regarding my daughter with her and not the father, slams the door in my face everytime I go to pick my daughter up from visitation, will tell my daughter I've made poor choices in my life, that I am too poor to afford anything. The list can go on but that is the highlights. My daughter has come home many, many, many times in the intervening 10 years saying that the SM treats her horribly. Now, for some ungodly reason (and I do mean UNGODLY) my daughter says that the SM is a decent and good person.
I have been in tears for the majority of today. At one point I was sobbing and breathing was difficult at best. I am borderline tears even typing this. All of this started with the SM and she knew full well it would escalate into something that could have and should have been avoided. To top the day off I was given a bit of information that has brought me to a decision I never thought I would choose. I am supposed to pick my daughter up on Friday at noon. This was set up by the SM. You see...she controls everything in that household. The SD does not. He just does what she tells him to do. She wrote the summer visitation time. He signed it. I learned today that they are going out of town on Friday and my daughter is going with them. WTF? When I asked her about it she said that I was to get her Sunday. Hang on just one bloody second. I did not write the schedule. They did. Now they are changing it or not following it? It was at that moment I gave up. I can't fight anymore. I've been fighting them for years. I am choosing to no longer play the game. I will be made out to be the villian in my daughter's eyes no matter my decision.
This is where the lesson is best learned and not told comes in. She is going to Spokane with them this weekend. It is my weekend and my time with her. He has not called me nor has he returned my phone call. That is typical of him so I'm not surprised. My daughter has been told that the SM and SD will buy her school clothes for her but yet they always say "It is your mom's responsibility to buy your clothes" which is why she always has to pack her life when she goes to his house. That includes shampoo because they won't allow her to use their's. I will let her go this weekend. I know exactly what is going to happen because it happens everytime. They will purchase nothing for her. She will be treated the exact same way she always has been. Like an outsider. I hope she will see that her views of the SM were wrong and nothing has nor will ever change with that woman. I hope that she will see that the SM has an agenda and that agenda is not in the best interest of my daughter. It is a vendetta against me. To hurt me.
I have to take a step back and keep my mouth shut now. My daughter has got to learn on her own. I am going to see her hurt and disappointed yet again. It will not be the last time. It is up to me to be strong and comfort her when all I want to do is rip their eyes out with a rusty ice pick. Stepping back...it's not going to be easy but something I know is necessary. I'm not a religious person but I pray God gives me the strength to get through it.
Last night I was dealt a situation that has been typical of the household where my oldest daughter resides or in their words...visits....every other weekend. The SM chose to discuss something with my daughter when in all actuality it should have been brought up to me first. Since that lack of good judgement on the SM's part...I have been told by my daughter that I created the drama (which was created by the SM...not me), I need to grow up, I need to get along with the SM. Here is the clincher. She told me that the SM is a good person and is decent. WHAT THE FUCK??? Seriously. I needed to just say that. Her statement required me saying it full on and not just WTF. (SM = stepmonter. SD = spermdonor_
I have learned in the course of 2 hours that the SD and SM want to get along with me and try their best but it is because of me there are problems. Again...WHAT THE FUCK??? From the minute that woman entered the picture there have been problems. Let me see...she has tried to run over me with her suburban, flips me off every chance she gets, yanked my daughter out of my arms when she was 5 years old, told me that I am a piece of shit mom (said in front of my daughter), told me that I will discuss things regarding my daughter with her and not the father, slams the door in my face everytime I go to pick my daughter up from visitation, will tell my daughter I've made poor choices in my life, that I am too poor to afford anything. The list can go on but that is the highlights. My daughter has come home many, many, many times in the intervening 10 years saying that the SM treats her horribly. Now, for some ungodly reason (and I do mean UNGODLY) my daughter says that the SM is a decent and good person.
I have been in tears for the majority of today. At one point I was sobbing and breathing was difficult at best. I am borderline tears even typing this. All of this started with the SM and she knew full well it would escalate into something that could have and should have been avoided. To top the day off I was given a bit of information that has brought me to a decision I never thought I would choose. I am supposed to pick my daughter up on Friday at noon. This was set up by the SM. You see...she controls everything in that household. The SD does not. He just does what she tells him to do. She wrote the summer visitation time. He signed it. I learned today that they are going out of town on Friday and my daughter is going with them. WTF? When I asked her about it she said that I was to get her Sunday. Hang on just one bloody second. I did not write the schedule. They did. Now they are changing it or not following it? It was at that moment I gave up. I can't fight anymore. I've been fighting them for years. I am choosing to no longer play the game. I will be made out to be the villian in my daughter's eyes no matter my decision.
This is where the lesson is best learned and not told comes in. She is going to Spokane with them this weekend. It is my weekend and my time with her. He has not called me nor has he returned my phone call. That is typical of him so I'm not surprised. My daughter has been told that the SM and SD will buy her school clothes for her but yet they always say "It is your mom's responsibility to buy your clothes" which is why she always has to pack her life when she goes to his house. That includes shampoo because they won't allow her to use their's. I will let her go this weekend. I know exactly what is going to happen because it happens everytime. They will purchase nothing for her. She will be treated the exact same way she always has been. Like an outsider. I hope she will see that her views of the SM were wrong and nothing has nor will ever change with that woman. I hope that she will see that the SM has an agenda and that agenda is not in the best interest of my daughter. It is a vendetta against me. To hurt me.
I have to take a step back and keep my mouth shut now. My daughter has got to learn on her own. I am going to see her hurt and disappointed yet again. It will not be the last time. It is up to me to be strong and comfort her when all I want to do is rip their eyes out with a rusty ice pick. Stepping back...it's not going to be easy but something I know is necessary. I'm not a religious person but I pray God gives me the strength to get through it.