I received an unexpected email last week. Shocked the heck out of me to be honest. It was from a man I dated a couple of years ago. We tried chatting back around the holidays but it got ugly and I blocked him from texting or calling me. Didn't block the email which is really unlike me. When someone pisses me off that person is pretty much blocked completely. His email was not something I even thought he would ever do. He apologized for being a complete jerk to me. Okay...that took me by surprise. He has never apologized for anything from our relationship. After his, what I felt was a genuine and sincere apology, he asked me to go see Michael Buble' with him. What the what??? Seriously? I was floored. I was supposed to go see MB with him 2 years ago but our relationship ended just before the concert. After a lot of thinking about whether I should go with him I decided to take a leap of faith. He has told me that he does not expect anything from me other than to relax and enjoy myself. I know this man and when he says he is going to take care of everything...that is exactly what he means. I also know that he will be a perfect gentleman. He has his moments of being a complete and utter ass but if there is one thing I know about him it's that he is a gentleman. I know that he will treat me with respect and complete consideration. He knows that I want more out of a relationship than what he can offer. He is okay with that and said that just being friends with me is enough. I may sound completely naive but I believe him. So...in 2 weeks I will be having a great weekend with a nice dinner and seeing Michael Buble'.
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...