I've been thinking about the things I've done in the last 20 years but, thanks to my memory, I need to make a list so I can actually see that my life wasn't completely horrible.
Las Vegas 6 times
Dallas for a girl's weekend
Forks 4 times for girls' weekends
Cruise to Alaska
Cruise to Bermuda x 2
Cruise to Belize, Honduras, Mexico
Road trip to South Dakota x 2
Southern California for a long weekend
Nashville to judge a beauty pageant.
Nascar races x 2 one being a Championship.
Orlando Florida - Disneyworld and Universal Studios
California - many times
Leavenworth - many times
Girls' weekends - many times
I have more trips coming up with a cruise to Alaska and a cruise around Ireland. A weekend trip to Montana. A girl's week to Vegas. I'm sure there will be more to be planned.
I became a Nana and will be a Nana x 2 this year.
I've been able to purchase 2 homes.
Even though I have battled depression, I have had friends stand steadfast by my side and never leave.
Why am I allowing the monsters, and there were many, destroy the rest of my life? What these people did was inexcusable, and I did not deserve any of it. I've been told, and I agree, that I was handed a shitty hand in life. There was never a point, in my life, that I wasn't facing some type of abuse. From mental, emotional, physical and sexual. I didn't stand a chance at a good life. But...I survived all of it. I don't know why I've survived and what the meaning of my life is. I still believe I was a mistake. Not only from my biological parents' point of view but my adoptive parents. I don't think I will ever get past what they have done to me. I haven't spoken to my adoptive mother in almost 3 years, and I don't believe I will ever speak to her again. She chose this path, and she will have to live with it.
Where do I go from here? I take life one day at a time. I focus on the 24 hours I was given when I wake up in the morning. I focus on the chance to live another day. I focus on the blessing that I get to travel. I focus on the two friends who have stood by me even when I was in the darkest points of my life & I wanted to give up. Will I fall again? Of course, I will. My demons will cause me to stumble. I may be on medication but all that does is quiet them. It does not remove them. Sometimes, their words will get through that screen. It's up to me to not let them walk through that screen. It is a war I will fight the rest of my life. For now, I take my life one day at a time.
Well I got a couple more hours of sleep. I have the best kids. They let me sleep and didn't wake me up until my cell started ringing. We went out and about today. K wanted to try Bubble Tea so I obliged her. Mistake. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination. If you don't know what Bubble Tea is....g00gle it. Once you find out...don't try it. *shudder* An expensive taste test. There is a storm heading our way. Would you believe it's supposed to snow tonight??? Snow on Easter. How odd would that be? Speaking of Easter...my girls are watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) and watching a childs version of The Passion. Even watching the crucifixtion of Christ as a cartoon it still brings tears to my eyes. I am so unworthy of what He went through for me. Well not just me but all of mankind. I saw The Passion last year and that is when I realized I needed to turn my life around. I was making a serious mess of things so I gave it all back to God. My life has had it...