I have a date tomorrow. *gasp* Shocking huh? Believe me...surprised myself with this one. We just started talking this past weekend. I figured that I don't want to waste his time and mine with lots of emails and phone calls. Just meet and if we hit it off...great. If not...no harm done. This dating stuff sucks. Hopefully this will be the last man I have a "first" date with for a long time. So far all is going well. He is good looking, 6'3", teddy bear type (doesn't mean he is fat but just a big guy...he is 6 foot 3 inches ya know!!!), 2 kids (boy and girl), country boy, same interests as me and he thinks I'm hot! LOL That last part is the perfect reason to date him huh? ;) We shall see how it goes. No jumping into anything. One day at a time.
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...