It's official. I have "Schmuck Magnet" on my forehead. Paul was one also!!! Good grief. I'm sorry but you do not tell someone you have only seen 3 times that you are in love with them!!! There were other issues but suffice it to say...I ended it. Too many fricking red flags with him. Why do I date? Why do I put myself through this crap? Isn't there a decent man out there? A man who isn't addicted to online porn, who isn't abusive, who isn't controlling??? A normal man. That is all I ask. My dating history is littered with freaks, geeks and....well freaks. Good grief....I hate dating.
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...