Skip to main content

Tiggers are tiggeriffic...:)

I want to thank Tigger for introducing me to the dailyOM. I absolutely love the emails I get everyday from them. Most have some bearing on my life and how to view things around me. My life was so fouled up and fouled up for a very long time. After purging a lot of things out of my life...namely friends who were toxic to my mental health and well being...things are amazing now. I've found that I do not "need" to allow people to treat my like crap...just so I could have friends. I did that with a few people and I was miserable. I completely short changed myself in so many areas of my life. Men and friends being the main ones.

I'm not saying my life is perfect now. Gosh no. Far from it. What I can say is that I've found my boundries and I know when to put my foot down and say "I will not tolerate the way you are treating me". Some people from my past have not been too pleased with my new outlook and how I will accept treatment from others and they want nothing to do with me. The friends who are still around are very proud of me and see major changes in who I am.

Here is an example of how I have changed...:
Saturday I got an email from a guy who has been emailing me off and on for a month. I agreed to meet him for a drink at Black Angus. I got there before him so I ordered an iced tea (not alcohol) and waited for him. He showed up and within 2 minutes of him sitting down he started chewing me out for not returning calls or emails. I told him that I've been busy and I was sorry. He said "Sorry is a cop out!!! I want a reason why!!!" His voice was not lowered if you know what I mean. I told him that I don't have a reason why. Just life and I know it was rude and I was sorry. He still wouldn't accept that. He said that he had written me an email Friday night chewing me out and he was pissed. I told him that he should have sent it since Friday sucked for me anyway. He kept on with telling me he wouldn't accept sorry from me and was demanding a reason why. During his tirade he stopped and said "Fine...I won't say anymore because you aren't talking!" I said "I'm listening..." He told me I could then respond and what was I thinking. I said "I'm thinking I want to get up and leave". He said that he was sure I was and would I like to order some appetizers now. WTH??? HUH??? After taking a sip off of my iced tea...I said "I'm not staying...I'm leaving." I grabbed my coat and purse and walked out. I didn't even put my coat on and it was damn cold outside. I just wanted out of there. All of this happened within 10 minutes of him getting there.

Pretty impressive huh? A year ago I would have suffered through the date and put up with his crap. I was very proud of myself. Granted...I was pissed for wasting my time but at least I got up and walked out. I should have waited and ordered an expensive drink AND food....then walked out. The dumbass...

So there ya have it...the exciting world of Tracey. LOL

Popular posts from this blog

love

It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did.  To find out the things he does now for his wife?  The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me.  Knowing all of this has made me hate him.  I know it does nothing to him.  It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years.  I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being.    When I met him, I was in a good place.  I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love.  In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me.  I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was.  Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...
Read more

Too much...

 There are days I enjoy living my life.  There are days I thoroughly hate it.  Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown.  Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying.   Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope.   Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship.  Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again.  I've been told she has been married 4...
Read more

A lifetime

 I have been mentally ill for as long as I can remember.  I honestly don't remember a time when I thought I was worth loving or even being allowed to live.  I've been suicidal, I've had a catatonic moment, I've been severely depressed.  In essence, I've been a mental mess.  I didn't know why.  I just was.  Doctors put me on medication but they barely touched my illness.  The demons were still there.  When I went off of the medication, those voices were loud and strong.   They controlled me.  The problem was...I didn't mind it.  It was a comfort for me.  It was my safe space.  I embraced their words. I know that sounds twisted but mental illness doesn't make sense. One year ago I decided I had enough.  I wanted to be happy.  I wanted to live my life, not just exist in it.  I went back on medication.  It helped...for a while.  Then those voices started coming back.  "You aren't worth i...
Read more