Ok...here is the plan...

I need to get rid of the muffin top and attempt to get a butt. Mindy sent me some suggestions on exercises too achieve those goals. Once the holidays are past...I will measure myself and put my plan into action. The hard part for me is the eating right. My diet sucks. It's not that I eat a lot of food. I just don't eat at all. I'm sitting here trying to think of when I eat and I can't come up with any specific meal. It varies. No...I don't eat 3 meals a day. I know...bad Tracey. If I were to eat 3 small meals a day AND exercise...I would be in better shape than I am in. I work just down the hall from Curves and if I could afford it...I would be there every other day. I know that exercising would put me in an amazing frame of mind...not that I'm cranky all the time but I remember that when I did exercise...I had more energy.

Ok...I have my plan...now I need the motivation. What can I use to movitate myself to get off of my flat butt (which is part of the plan to change) and make the changes I need?

Too much...

There are days I enjoy living my life. There are days I thoroughly hate it. Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I almost had a breakdown. Standing there in the aisle, I had to fight, with everything in me, to not start crying. Too much has been hitting me this month and I think I'm at the end of my rope. Beginning of the month, D's new wife sent me a text telling me to lose his number, email and address because I already had my chance with him. I laughed at the absurdity of everything she said in that text as it sounded like something a teenaged girl would write. I haven't wanted that man in almost 20 years, so, she is either highly jealous of his past and any woman he used to be interested in or is extremely insecure with herself and her relationship. Regardless of her mental state, I told her I was just catching up on life with him, but I will respect her request and not talk to him again. I've been told she has been married 4...

2004 - 2023

Twenty years ago, I was a mess. I was belittled and demeaned to the point where I hated myself and would have done anything to hurt those who hurt me. From family to friends to men. I lashed out, created more drama than was necessary and didn't care who I hurt. As long as they were hurt before they hurt me, I justified my words and actions. If someone DID hurt me? God help them. I held nothing back. I'm not proud of who I was. I am ashamed of who I was. I did things I should have never done, and I cannot take any of it back no matter how desperately I wish I could. Today, in 2023, I am someone completely different than who that woman was in 2004. I'm not the unmedicated mentally ill person anymore. I'm getting healthy not only mentally but physically. I'm more successful than I was told I would ever be. I'm not the loser bitch that I was told I was. I'm a good person with an "I have gone through hell" history. I am a woman who struggles with ea...

People who say they love you...

Shouldn't be the very people who hurt you the most. For me, the worst damage comes from those who said they loved me and they were the people who destroyed me. And people wonder why I don't believe in love.

Life as I know it...

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