Ok...I made a mistake. Not a huge one but one nonetheless. I was so ticked at Kim and poor treatement of me and my children that I wrote a scathing...although very truthful...post in my lovinstitch blog. Was writing it a mistake? No. It helped me vent and release some of the anger I had. Was it a mistake not deleting it? Absolutely. Not because Kim read it but because it was something very blunt and brutally honest. Something that shouldn't have been posted. Period. Will I make excuses for what I did? No. I'm better than that. I made a mistake. I'm human. I received a threatening email from Kim last night and an email from her fiance telling me I was a piece of sh*t among other expletives. He also called my cell and left a trash mouthed voicemail. I really didn't expect much less from all of it. I'm not perfect. I made a mistake. I have fixed the mistake and in all honesty....I should have deleted lovinstitch a long time ago. I just didn't want to let it go. I believe last night was God's way of saying "Ok Tracey. It's time for you to say goodbye". My faith was thrown in my face last night. Again...I didn't expect anything else from them. Last time I heard....Jesus had it thrown in his face also. Same with the diciples and ever Christian since then. I'm ok. I finally faced God last night and asked for His guidance in my life. Without Him...I am nothing. :)
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...