It has been such a long day!!! Went to bed at my typical time and I'm finding that I can't do that and try to stay awake in class. Good grief....old people were not meant to be in school. The test is going to be this Saturday and if I don't pass it I will scream!!! I have found out that we can miss 64 out of the 170 questions and still pass but that just won't be good enough for me in my mind. My boss has total faith in me so it's a good thing one of us does. I'm just too hard on myself when it comes to things like this. We were given a CD today with a practice exam on it. Once my babies are in bed....I'm examin'. This test is important to me. In more ways than one. K's room is looking gorgeous!!! I've decided to finish up the painting next weekend but I won't put up the decorations. That is going to be done while she is at her dad's house the following weekend. I want to completely surprise her when she comes home. The part I'm really looking forward to seeing is the chandelier. At $130 for a lighting fixture and the Swarovski crystals in it...it is going to the best part of the room. I know I spent way too much on her room. I'm thinking close to $350 and then add what my brother spend on stuff for her...we are looking at close to $700. As far as I'm concerned...she is worth every penny. Things haven't been all that great for us since 2001. All 3 of us deserve the best. J's room only needs curtains and some Dis*ey stencils painted on and hers is done. Paint, put up some pretty lights and flowers will complete my room. A friend of mine may end up giving me her canopy bed so that is going to really make my room gorgeous. Ya know...I never had things like I do now when I lived in Everett or Wenatchee. I fully believe that God is bringing happiness into my life and allowing me some peace and beauty. I think that I deserve it...after all of the ugly. :)
It's a struggle knowing he didn't love me and never did. To find out the things he does now for his wife? The woman who is bigger than I ever was, the woman who has been married multiple times, the woman who is tatted up and he hated tats, the woman who shows jealousy, the woman he won't keep secrets from but kept them from me, the woman who is everything he said he hated in me. Knowing all of this has made me hate him. I know it does nothing to him. It will only eat away at me but that has been happening to me for almost 20 years. I can only now admit that I hate this man with every fiber of my being. When I met him, I was in a good place. I was happy with myself, I had friends, I loved sex and I believed in love. In the almost 2 years I was with him, he destroyed every last bit of me. I know it was only 2 years but in 2 years, he obliterated every bit of who I was. Not a day went by where he didn't mentally or em...